it's time

i wasn't able to sleep last night
so i decided to get up and write
this was written dec 16

a fairy tale is a fictious story
how come it never occurred to me

the one i will share
has broken hearts
mine shattered

i remember a text message i got long ago
it wrote
'don't cry because it happened, smile because it did'

again and again i feel i've left my heart
on the door of your house
the winds howling
and the snow falling

yet you stand inside not knowing
whether to answer the door

i see you through the window
and i know you see me
i wave
no answer
i shout
no answer
a heart that's given all it can
no answer

maybe she thinks i'm some thief
possibly robbing her of all she has
maybe i'm selling something she just doesn't need

friends outside say
let it go
the door won't open
yet i insist
yes it will
they say
you are far from deserving this
i say
am i?

i take my heart and begin to walk down the steps
but time and again
i go back
i'm called to leave and called to go back
stranded.
strangled.

you think carefully
plan strategically
each move is precise

you don't want me to go
yet you don't want me to stay

i don't have the key to the house
and now i think i've lost the keys to my own home

inside is warm and bright
and i wait here dark and cold

there's hope?
is there?

i've failed for trust
i've failed for respect
i've failed for empathy

i look inside again
and it looks colder by the day

she lights a dim candle
smiles
and continues with her own business
i watch the candle flicker in the night
from outside

i failed to see the sign on the door
it says
the owner will not open the door
try to stay warm

i find strength to turn around
and i failed to see
all of you
holding a candle
keeping me warm throughout

the surgury i had was painful
but there are other things that hurt more

i take a tylonol and try to sleep.

what i have said
and have written before

all holds true.

____________________________________________

well well well...
i'm slouched so far down on my seat
that i'll fall off any moment...

and so...
all my hope has led
to lessons learned
and one broken heart.

yea...broken alright
i was surprised at myself
crying in a public place
it's okay for me
for all you to know.

just glad that there weren't
too many people there.

but no...i couldn't hold it in
no matter how much i wanted to

something that i believe in
doesn't pull through
something i've put time and effort
into surmounting to nothing
but nothing

but it's not nothing
i've given
and i've gained

the good
the bad
who's right
who's wrong

it all doesn't matter so much
is it tough?
well sure it is
tougher than i thought?
that too.

probably because i didn't expect

i still know
that if it was
then it would have been
and if it isn't
then that's what it's meant to be

take away from it
not all is lost
learn
and i hope you learn

the moments
the time
the happy, sad, exictied, scared
worried, nervous, devasted, shocked,
lost, consumed
are all part of it.

if you've seen me sad
i think you're fortunate

and hey...
what could i expect
live and learn

jump in the fire
shine brighter

and so this year ends with
so much
i can't even use words.

few more days left...
what could happen

am i prepared to leave?
i'm prepared for anything

i'll pack my bags,
i'm leaving this place.

it's okay...i'll be okay...
really.*

hey...it's me.

*no...not really.

if i could

if you could go and change things
and make things better

the willingness to do it
is what it's all about.

slow down everyone
you're moving too fast

anymore

more than us
and we are them
but they don’t know
what’s in their hands
it’s more than you
and it’s more than
i but it’s more

and everybody calls it love
but i’m not really sure if it’s love
at all
not anymore

more than he
more than she
they all sleep
but we just dream

more or less
means more for us
but it’s more
and everybody wants a hand
but i’m too busy holding up the world
to carry on
no not anymore

i wish that i
could fly fly fly away
and if i should fall
and you hear me call
would you stay
more than us
and we are them

but they don’t know
what’s in our heads
it’s more than you
and it’s more than i
but it’s more

and everybody calls it love
but i’m not really sure if this is love
at all
not anymore
anymore
anymore
____________________________________________

merrychristmas

they exist

the joy of christmas

i'm feeling the warmth that there
exist such great people on this planet.

selfless
thoughtful
genuine

makes me embarrased at who i am
and inspires me to do more.

haha...i'm having a complete blast
my last few days here
very worn
but worth every minute
every moment.
completely.

i can already picture what it's going
to be like when i'm coming back from halifax

and already have the feeling of
being alone when i'm over there.
_____________________________________________

i cannot do it alone
the waves surge fast and high
and the fog close all around
the light goes out in the sky
but i know that we two
will win in the end

cowardly, wayward, and weak
i change with the changing sky
today so eager and bright
tomorrow too weak to try
but he never gives in
so we two will win

i could not guide it myself
my boat on life's wild sea
there's one who sits by my side
who pulls and steers with me
and i know that we two
will safe enter port
Jesus and i

writing to reach you

everyday i wake up and it's sunday
whatever's in my head won't go away
the radio is playing all the usual

because my inside is outside
my right side's on the left side
cuz i'm writing to reach you
but i might never reach you
i long to teach you
about you
but that's not you

it's good to know that you are home for christmas
it's good to know that you are doing well
it's good to know that all you know i'm hurting
it's good to know i'm feeling not so well

because my inside is outside
my right side's on the left side
cuz i'm writing to reach you
but i might never reach you
i long to teach you
about you
but that's not you
do you know it's true
and that won't do

maybe then tomorrow will be monday
and whatever's in my head should go away
still the radio keeps playing all the usual

because my inside is outside
my right side's on the left side
cuz i'm writing to reach you
but i might never reach you
i long to teach you
about you
but that's not you
do you know it's true
and that won't do
you know it's you
i'm talking to

astair

astair your glare is killing me
astair in skies of blue
the signs you wear are making me
so confused

but the mountains and the trees
are they just what you need
or are they less than what
you'd expect to see

and if you're leaving well just
give me a reason why i'll let you down
before you turn around

astair at you're there and i'm still here
i swear i'm so confused
the signs you wear are making me
feel like i'm the one to lose

but the canyons and the seas
are they just what you need
or are they less than what
you'd expect to see

and if you're leaving well come
give me reason why i'd let you down
before you turn around

but the mountains and the trees
are they what you perceive
or are they less than what
you'd expect to see

and if you're leaving
give me reason why i'll let you down
before i turn around

matt costa - astair

pierced

this time around
the last day at work has been quite different
yet very similar

haha...i no longer know what i'm thinking...
constantly going back and fourth

i will miss the moments at work...
and some of the people...
________________________________________________

each day something special has been going on.

each gesture is like an arrow straight through me.

thanks to all of you.

9 always

of # 9 and 7

i'm nowhere close to a # 7

but then i'm sure you all got that.
haha...

rather

there's a whole lot of things i want to say
can't seem to get it out
because i know i'll breakdown if i do.

i hope this old train breaks down
then i could take around
you see there's no time to see
cuz time is just a melody

with all the people in the street
walking as fast as their feet can take them
might as well just roll through town
and though my window's got a view
and the frame i'm looking through
seems to have no concern for now

i need this old train to breakdown
please just let me breakdown

but you can't stop nothing if you got no control
of the thoughts in your mind that you kept and you know
that you don't know nothing
but you don't need to know

wisdom's in the tress not the glass windows
you can't stop wishing if you don't let go
of the things that you find and you lose and you know
you keep on rolling
put the moment on hold

i want to breakdown
but i can't stop now

i can't sleep cuz it hurts when i think
chances we take

too much silence has been misleading
you're drifting i can hear it in the way
that you're breathing
we don't really need to find reason
because out the same door that it came
well
it's leaving
it's leaving
i'm leaving.
__________________________________________

this is what i would rather

it was just another night
with the sunset and a moonrise
not so far behind
to give us just enough light
to lay down underneath the stars
listen to all the stories across the sky
we drew our own constellations

# 9

The expression that you exhibit is represented by the number 9. Your talents center in humanistic interests and approaches. You like to help others as you were intended to be the 'big brother or big sister' type. You operate best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion, and allow yourself to be sensitive to the needs of others. You work well with people, and have the potential to inspire. This suggests that you could successfully teach or counsel. Creative ability, imagination and artistic talent (often latent) of the highest order are present in this expression. It's possible that you're not using or developing all of these capabilities at this time. Some of your talents may have been used at an earlier time in your life, and some may still be latent. Be aware of your capabilities, so that you can make use of them at appropriate times.

If you are able to achieve the potential of your natural expression in this life, you are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others. Your personal ambitions are likely to be maintained in a very positive perspective, never losing sight of an interest in people, and a sympathetic, tolerant, broad-minded and compassionate point of view. You are quite idealistic, and disappointed at the lack of perfection in the world. You have a strong awareness of your own feeling as well as those of others. Friendships, affection, and love are extremely important.

Undeveloped or ignored, the negative side of the 9 expression can be very selfish and self-centered. If you do not actively involve yourself with work that benefits others, you may tend to express just the opposite characteristics. It is your role to be very involved with other people and their needs, but it may be difficult for you achieve this role. Aloofness, lack of involvement, and a lack of sensitivity mark the low road of this expression.

# 7

Thought, analysis, introspection, and seclusiveness are all characteristics of the expression number 7. The hallmark of the number 7 is a good mind, and especially good at searching out and finding the truth. You are so very capable of analyzing, judging and discriminating, that very little ever escapes your observation and deep understanding. You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, often becoming an authority on whatever it is your are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor. You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations. You tend to operate on a rather different wavelength, and many of your friends may not really know you very well. The positive aspects of the 7 expression are that you can be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word. You are very logical, and usually employ a quite rational approach to most things you do. You can be so rational at times that you almost seem to lack emotion, and when you are faced with an emotional situation, you may have a bit of a problem coping with it. You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals. At full maturity you are likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual.

If there is an over supply of the number 7 in your makeup, the negative aspects of the number may be apparent. The chief negative of 7 relates to the limited degree of trust that you may have in people. A tendency to be highly introverted can make you a bit on the self-centered side, certainly very much self-contained . Because of this, you are not very adaptable, and you may tend to be overly critical and intolerant. You really like to work alone, at your own pace and in your own way. You neither show or understand emotions very well.

why me

why would your heart break for me
when mine not for you

but mine does when i know yours has.

but why.
reoccurence

ah...what complicated world
__________________________________________


i now have a friend going with me to halifax!
whoohooooo!

haha...

bullet train

at work

good and bad today

the funny thing is
our PM started getting frustrated at me and my coworker

we're working!
she thinks we won't finish on time
and thinks that we both slack off

'are you both working on that?'

now that i know i'm leaving the office soon i'm not afraid of her...haha

'yea, we're both working on it.'
you got a problem with that attitude

she thinks she's so smart and so fast
she has her strong points
i can see right through her

i can see her wasting her time always...
just talking and talking

but as always
focus on getting your own work done

the two dufflet cakes at the end of work todaymade up for the
rush, draw, redraw, instruct, answer questions, ask questions
and coworkers

a lot of it is about asking the right questions
and doing it right the first time
____________________________________________

i have leaving on my mind
i have you on my mind

like a bullet train
these two weeks race across my mind

and sadly i have to think
could i have done better?

what now

i am quickly going crazy

work has been so demanding it's not that funny
it's been extremely exhausting too

on top of that
add so many things

me no want to go to work
me no want to go to school

boo

heaviness

i never wanted to feel like this again

can you stop all the world now

sooner or later

i'll lose all control now

nothing to fear
_____________________________________

heart of mine
why must you stray

from one so fair
you ran away

and one more time
you have to pay for heaviness
and needless shame

heart of mine
come back home
you've been too long
out on your own

he's been there
all along
watching for me down the road

come home running
his arms are open wide
he is the answer i am looking for

come home running
just as i am

stop looking...

his name is Jesus.
he understands.

over by the ocean

already been 6 days since my last one.

time is passing too fast
and i continue to count down to the day i leave

non-stop madness.
it's getting to a point where i don't know
what to do first

so many thing going on

*yawn

so tired yet
don't want to sleep

i don't know how many days i have left in this room
____________________________________________

the roller coaster continues to creep it's way up
and i'm looking down

this is what it feels like to leave home

...

i've received so many well wishes
many i'll miss you's
and given many i'll miss you too in return

but yea
you can't have everything
win some, lose some

my mom says
'there's always a light on you, wherever you go'
and i know she means God's light is on me always

'wherever you go, you'll be fine.'

it has never failed
no exception this time either i know.

thank you for telling me that it is God who provides

i can hear it in people's voices that there is
something in them that doesn't want me to go
and that means most to me.

i'm sure they can see how much i don't want to leave.
however much i don't want to go,
i know i'm going because i need to do this.

i begin to look at toronto as a city
thinking how different it will be in halifax
and then i picture halifax in the spring and summer
and then i think of my life over there
i think about what my place will be like

i want to see people here
i want to know what's going on in your life
i want to be here
i'm needed over by the atlantic ocean?

at the same time

i can't wait to learn new things
i can't wait to sit by the water
i can't wait to get my degree

however much i don't want to go...
____________________________________________

i want to see you all
at least once more before i go

i make it seem like i'm never coming back...haha

but yea...this will be difficult for me on my own.

may God continue to bless each and every one of you.

however much i don't want to go...

if you knew me

as i look to the christmas tree
the same christmas tree
i've seen for over many years

makes me down thats all.

and again,
at this happy time
i can't seem to be

i guess it's that
when i'm troubled
i need sympathy
thanks to those who have been

and no...this isn't really working.

however much i want to say and think that it is
i really don't know

i know i am given what i can handle.

if i wasn't capable
it wouldn't be mine

so easily happy
yet easily crushed

that's what i am

you know what
forget about it.
________________________________________

dark clouds cast a patch of shadow over our hearts
i listen closely to the feelings
that have long been silienced

distinct and transparent
like a beautiful landscape
that can only been seen from memory

can a heart that's been thoroughly wounded
keep on loving me?

i work hard to stretch out
my warmth-less hands

a gentleness that came and went
has already been locked by time

all that's left are grievances
that cannot be waved apart

longing is like a maple leaf
slowly drifting downwards

i ignite a candle to warm the end of autumn

tears that have fallen
has let love completely permeate
the surface of the earth

snowflakes now covered the ground
and i dread to know that the leaves outside
have turned to ice

and i can't do anything
with this pair of warmth-less hands

________________________________________

your cup of grace
is deeper than
the ocean

your strong embrace
is wider
than the sky

Jesus
my heart cannot break enough for
your love

a well that runs deep within
my soul

your perfect words
go further than
tomorrow

when my world shakes
you pull me through
the storm

Jesus
my heart cannot break enough
for your love

spirit waltz - something like silas

too soon

i don't know whether to be happy or not

people say congradulations...
i'm thinking what for?

i can't say thank you with confidence

reason

leaving home?
what?

really...?
i've thought about it many times

reality will hit me in one month
one month exactly
and that month is december 2005

now

no
i'm not ready
i'm not ready to leave what has been
built up for so many years

let me digest

and i'll get back here

our destiny

a common destiny for all

so i reflected on all this and concluded that
the righteous and the wise and what they do
are in God's hands
but no man knows whether
love or hate awaits him

all share a common destiny
the righteous and the wicked
the good and the bad
the clean and the unclean
those who offer sacrifices and those who do not

as it is with the good man
so with the sinner
as it is with thsoe who take oaths
so with those who are afraid to take them

...

the living know that they will die
but the dead know nothing
they have no further reward
and even the memory of them is forgotten

their love
their hate
and their jealousy have long since vanished
never again will they have a part in anything
that happens under the sun

...

whatever your hand finds to do
do it with all your might
for in the grave
where you are going
there is neither working
nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom

the race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the learned
but time and chance happen to them all

no man knows when his hour will come

as fish are caught in a cruel net
or birds are taken in a snare
so men are trapped by evil times
that fall unexpectedly upon them

ecclesiastes chapter 9 various verses

the truth of the bible.

my day off

today is the exact opposite of my ideal day off of work

GRE = the results are in.

none of the words i studied were on the exam.
hahahahaha.....so stupid
so many words that i didn't study were on!
why are there so many words in the english language!?!
my conclusion is:
you can't study for the vocab section.
it's a wasted effort.
whatever you knew before
is the knowledge that is brought into the exam

it is only 30 question
in 30 minutes!?!

arg...and for so many questions there's a long passage to read
with super long questions and way too long multiple choice answers.
it would take 5 min to read and fully understand the passage and another minite each to read the question and choices.

freaked out that i didn't have enough time i began to randomly
select answers.

there's no time....and you can't move to the next question without answering
that was a crazy exam.

and yes.
my randomly selected answers i would think were mostly wrong
because i didn't end up with a high score or even an average score
i scored below average.

aauggghhh

to my surprise i did really well on the math section
when i did the practice tests i scored average for both the verbal and quantitative parts

on the exam i did much better in the quantitative part!
haha...

it balances out...

i still need the results for the written part
i think i did well on.

and then there's post GRE
driving here, driving there

rain....some more rain....rain
and work

i got to catch up on my work for work
from home.

this is no day off i left home slightly later.
and i got home slightly earlier.

i need sleep.
desperately.

but no.
got to keep working.

and again, the month is over.

what is going on here?

just turn the music up really loud
so you can't think.

that'll do it.

ebullience

GRE!!!!! go away!!!!!!!!!

arg...studying for the exam makes me realize
how much i don't want to ever take exams again.

so tough...!!
i'm on my own here this time...nobody to call to ask
although i can...but nah.
who wants to deal with these math questions
and english vocab.

so hard...!!
those stupid words that nobody knows anyways
but my brother seemed to know all the words i tested him with
he even knows what canonical means!
haha....grrrr...

who would have known
that diatribe means harsh denunciation
or nolsome means bad smelling
assuage means to lessen

who cares!?

i have a premonition that i will be giving the GRE a good diatribe soon
because right now i can already tell that it is nolsome
ya it smells really bad

and i don't know what will assuage the pain...hahaha

wow...putting words into practice makes me remember them so much easier

really i should get back to studying...
but how much am i remembering.

reaching saturation...

time

there is a time for everything
and a season for every activity under heaven

a time to be born and a time to die
a time to plant and a time to uproot
a time to kill and a time to heal
a time to tear down and a time to build
a time to weep and a time to laugh
a time to mourn and a time to dance
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them
a time to embrace and a time to refrain
a time to search and a time to give up
a time to keep and a time to throw away
a time to tear and a time to mend
a time to be silient and a time to speak
a time to love and a time to hate
a time for war and a time for peace

what does the worker gain from his toil?
i have seen the burden God has laid on men
He has made everything beautiful in his time
He has also set eternity in the hearts of men
yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end

i know that there is nothing better for men than be happy
and do good while they live

that everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil
this is a gift of God

i know that everything God does will endure forever
nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it

God does it so men will revere Him.

ecclesiastes 3:1-14

city and colour

so there goes my life
passing by with every exit sign
and it's been so long
sometimes i wonder how long i will stay strong
no sleep tonight

i'll keep driving these dark highway lines
and as the moon fades
one more night gone
only twenty more days
but i will see you again
a long time from now

there goes my life
passing by with every departing flight
and it's been so hard
so much time
so far apart

as she walks the night
how many hearts will die tonight?
will things have changed?

i guess i'll find out in seventeen days
but i will see you again
a long time from now

my body aches
and it hurts to sing
and no one is moving
and i wish that i weren't here tonight

but this is my life

city and colour - hello, i'm in delaware

take a step back

i feel i've found my church
i've found my fellowship
and i've found sunday school

i think it's the way it should be
i don't know if it the way God meant it to be

sunday school ends with me learning
and remembering what he said

what a great teacher
a great teacher is someone who has people listening acutely
and leaves an impression on the mind
and enables the student to apply what is learned

that is my idea of a great teacher

i learned more from sunday school than from the sermon
about who i am and who i want to be

i ache to be a leader
i want to know what i'm doing
i want a grand vision
i want to achieve it as well
i get lost at work
i know i'm learning
it's hard for me to be in a low position
yet i know i can't start from the top

i'm still in awe at the way he has affected me
praise the Lord.
________________________________________

yea...

alrite
okay.

i'm still thinking about what
my buddy and i discussed on our road trip.
you know what.

relax...

whatever will be will be.
take a step back
and look at the big picture

come on...
didn't architecture teach me anything?

image of the architect

good to know sad to hear

i think i'm rediscovering what a friend means
even though i was stuck in traffic for so many hours
and me as the driver
it was okay

i had a friend to talk to all the way through.
i'm glad we got the time to discuss what was going on with both of us.
i like talking one to one as opposed to in groups
and at least an hour for any discussion
to get somewhere
where you feel that you've actually learned something
or your view changes
or you feel something has been accomplished.

it's quite seldom these days

so many
myself included

concerned with daily tasks, chores
just doing and getting done
i'm sick of it

the repetitiveness makes me numb

we go through
laughing like mad
being sad for each other
what we think about the future

although the concert sucked
not entirely...but in general...haha
it's okay
he helped me
and i hope that i did the same

i think it's still money and time well spent.

drained

and all is not well in the world.

one piece at a time.

the heart is heavy,

the mind is to capacity.

there is more...but ya...
not now.

go figure

i wrote a post i'm not going to publish...
arg...

always this way...
during my supposedly happiest moments
can't seem to be happy for myself

anyways.
_____________________________________________

two words that need to be taken out of the dictionary

'tired' and 'busy'

it seems like everybody i talk with
say one or both words.

what else is new.
_____________________________________________

enough of that.
my complaints are unecessary.

i'm feeling much better...no more dizzyness
got the award today...
and possibly a raise tomoro...

what more do you want...
maybe sleep...
and maybe i need some time
to figure what i'm doing
and where i'm going

getting cold

friends long absent are coming back to you.

my fortune cookie read.

why give me hope i wonder sometimes.

can't wait.
______________________________________

i still get dizzy now and then...
i don't feel i'm sick
no cold, no flu

don't know what it is.

the leaves are almost all fallen off the branches
the ground is half golden half green.

and yet again,
the weekend has past.
and yet again,
feels like the work week is already over
before it has began.

2005

is it still 2005?

there seems to be no end to this year
yet weeks seem to pass by fast.

an uncountable number of things have happened
critical things

i've been wanting to call 2005 the year of all my years before
and today has finally made it that day

the highest of highs
the lowest of lows
all in 2005

the year hasn't ended yet
already given and taken away so much

quarter life year 2005
if i get to live long

i can't wait for march 29, 2006.
____________________________________________

i couldn't concentrate today
probably because my head hurt
a bump on the back of my head
that i don't know where it came from

and then...

who me?
i couldn't fall asleep when
they told me i got an award on through email
they sent me two emails but no mention of what i won

i called
she didn't tell me
and told me to wait
so i waited more than a week

calling home everyday to see if i got mail
what could they possibly give me?
me?

the highest overall.
highest!?
no way...
you gotta be kidding

haha...no kidding
no kidding

and i couldn't hold in
from laughing the whole day through
right now too
haha...

incredible shock and disbelief

i'm thinking
this does not only belong to me
it sounds very typical at award ceremonies
people will say that

but really
thank God.
for everything.

my parents.
for staying up,
for helping me focus on school,
for words,
for too much.

my grandparents.
for looking after me,
for care,
for cooking.

my friends.
for help when i needed,
for sticking with me,
for a memorable experience.

thank you, you, and you.

i thought to myself last year.
i didn't do as well as i wanted in third year.
it was really tough.

i told myself to do better this year.
still i never expected this to happen.

this is incredible.

name

i found this when i was searching all over my house
for my 'peanuts' essay

about my first name

your first name has given you a very creative, quick minded approach to life. (creative and quickminded...sounds right)
you desire changes, new experience, and freedom in your thoughts and actions. (yea)
you are driven by the desire to accomplish something worthwhile and have a very searching and analytical mind. (yes)
you have to watch your depression due to attracting disappoinments with people, and restrictions of your enthusiastic endevours. (true)

you are very ambitious, and often have high expectations of yourself and others. (arg...i guess)
you have to watch impulsiveness in decision-making, and yet pride yourself in your implusive, self-making decisions. (i do get impulsive on things i believe in and i usually mess up on my impulsive decisions)
you want freedom of choice in your decisions. (of course)
further fields always look greener, and due to you restless nature it is difficult to be satisfied and settled for long periods. (yes...restless...i need to work on a few things at once)
even when you have just settled, something always comes up, intriguing you to make a change, or through a disappointment which can cause inner turmoil. (change is good...but not always)
you are honest and your word is your bond. (i hope i am and it is)
it upsets you very much if others break their word. (sure it does)
however, your speech can be very candid often causing hurt feelings and misunderstandings. (i don't always express myself the way i want...sorry...i know my speech is candid sometimes)
you are quite intense and when interested in a project have a strong focus and concentration, but once the challenge is removed and the monotonous routine steps in you are ready for a change. (INTENSE is the word!)

you would be fond of anything that is a change for your restless and adventuresome nature. (adventure!)
you have a very intuitive nature and you often have premonitions about future events (i can predict the future...what would you like to know?)

wow...there is something in the name...

blessed be

they are His waves whether they break over us
hiding His face in smothering spray and foam
or smooth and sparkling spread a path before us
and to our haven bear us safely home

they are His waves whether for our sure comfort
He walks across them stilling all our fear
or to our cry there comes no aid nor answer
and in the lonely silence none is near

they are His waves whether we are hard-striving
through tempest-driven waves that never cease
while deep to deep with turmoil loud is calling
or at His word they hush themselves in peace

they are His waves whether He separates them
making us walk dry ground where seas had flowed
or lets tumultuous breakers surge about us
rushing unchecked across our only road

they are His waves and He directs us through them
so He has promised so His love will do
keeping and leading, guiding and upholding
to this sure harbour, He will bring us through

annie johnson flint
________________________________________

filled with joy
i look back at the prayers i've had
filled with blessing
more than i could have ever anticipated

these days
i wish time would pass by slower
and even stop
________________________________________

blessed be Your name
in the land that is plentiful
where Your streams of abundance flow
blessed be Your name

blessed be Your name
when i'm found in the desert place
though i walk through the wilderness
blessed be Your name

every blessing You pour out 
i'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in, Lord
still i will say

blessed be the name of the Lord
blessed be Your name
blessed be the name of the Lord
blessed be Your glorious name

blessed be Your name
when the sun's shining down on me
when the world's all as it should be
blessed be Your name

blessed be Your name
on the road marked with suffering
though there's pain in the offering
blessed be Your name

every blessing You pour out
i'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in, Lord
still i will say

blessed be the name of the Lord
blessed be Your name

matt redman

at last

don't remember the last time i was working so hard
submitted another application yesterday

and after every submission
i go through a low

afraid of being judged and criticized on something
i put so much energy and effort into
wondering what will happen
wondering if it's worth all the running around
waking early in the morning
rushing in and out of the office to do personal things
thankfully my boss is great about it

we have so many projects going on
much more than our office can handle
many of them are running on low heat on the backburner

if i was the client
i'd be much more demanding
'what are you doing with my project?'
'when will it be done?'

it's been 3 months since i last heard of a project
2 months since i've heard of another

and weeks of nothing done for another project
and of course, we focus more time on the ones that cost more

free at last
days which i can do whatever i want after work

don't think it will last
i'd like to bring work home to do
only if it's design related
so that we can get things done around the office
and not delay everything

if you want to

i have seen peace.
i have seen pain,
resting on the shoulders of your name.
do you see the truth through all their lies?
do you see the world through troubled eyes?
and if you want to talk about it anymore,
lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
i'm a friend.

i have seen birth.
i have seen death.
lived to see a lover's final breath.
do you see my guilt?
should i feel fright?
is the fire of hesitation burning bright?
and if you want to talk about it once again,
on you i depend.
i'll cry on your shoulder.
you're a friend.

you and i have been through many things.
i'll hold on to your heart.
i wouldn't cry for anything,
but don't go tearing your life apart.

i have seen fear.
i have seen faith.
seen the look of anger on your face.
and if you want to talk about what will be,
come and sit with me,
and cry on my shoulder,
i'm a friend.
and if you want to talk about it any more,
lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
i'm a friend.

james blunt - cry

all in a days work

it hurts to love someone and not be loved
in return, but what is most painful is to
love someone and never finding the courage
to let the person know how you feel.

maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong
people before meeting the right one
so that when we finally meet the right person,
we should know how to be grateful for that gift.

love is when you take away the feeling,
the passion, the romance-and you find out
you still care for that person.

when one door of happiness closes,
another opens but often we look so long
at the closed door that we don't see the one
which has been opened for us.

the best kind of friend is the one
you could sit on a porch,
and swing with, never say a word,
and then walk away feeling like
that was the best conversation you've had.

it's true that we don't know what
we've got until we lose it,
but it's also true that we don't know
what we've been missing until it arrives.

giving someone all your love is never an assurance
that they'll love you back, don't expect love in return,
just wait for it to grow in their hearts
but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.

there are things you love to hear
but you would never hear it from the person
from whom you would like to hear it,
but don't be deaf to hear it from the person
who says it with their heart.

never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can take it,
never say you don't love that person
anymore when you can't let go.

love comes to those who still hope,
even though they've been disappointed,
to those who still believe,
even though they've been betrayed,
need to love those who still love,
even though they've been hurt before.

there are moments in life when you really
miss someone that you want to pick them
from your dreams and hug them for real.
hope you dream of that someone.

dream what you want to dream, go where you
want to go, be what you want to be,
cause you have only one life and one chance
to do all the things you want in life.

always put yourself in other's shoes.
if you feel that it hurts you,
it probably hurts the person, too.

a careless word may kindle strife,
a cruel word may wreck a life,
a timely word may level stress,
a loving word may heal and bless.

the beginning of love is to let those
we love be perfectly themselves,
and not to twist them with our own image,
otherwise, we love only the reflection of
ourselves we find in them.

the happiest of people don't necessarily
have the best of everything, they just make
the most of everything that comes along their way.

happiness lies for those who cry,
those who hurt, those who have searched and
those who have tried
for only they can
appreciate the importance of people who
have touched their lives.


posted by my friend dan

i was speechless.

_____________________________________________

enjoying work
although i always dread waking up early each day

i looked at smaller things at work today.
what makes it great.

some people in the office seem to care
that i'm actually a human
not a machine
and generally
they're all good people

we all have smaller groups within the office
people we work closer with one another

when a problem comes up
everyone is involved
maybe because everyone needs to be involved to solve it

what i really enjoy about architecture is team work
haha...and i actually enjoy the rush of deadlines

the projects i work on are great
i learn from them.
i get to design and draw them.

i learn from the people who teach me
very practical aspects of architecture.

how things are put together
how people come together

then i looked at how much fun we have in the office
we celebrate our birthdays
and right now we're having plenty of fun with
the new fancy coffee, cap, espresso machine

i looked at the utensils i used to eat lunch with
haha...yes...i even looked at that...
the plates we use...blah blah...
and they're good

work justified
why i travel so far for it.

mess

very very conflicted

mind in 10 places

very unproductive

not doing much

mind is a mess

i hope i can sleep

cuz it hurts when i think

my thoughts aren't at peace with the plans

high

beautiful dawn - lights up the shore for me
there is nothing else in the world
i'd rather wake up and see with you

beautiful dawn - i'm just chasing time again
thought i would die a lonely man, in endless night
but now i'm high; running wild among all the stars above
sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me

beautiful dawn - melt with the stars again
do you remember the day when my journey began?
will you remember the end of time?

beautiful dawn - you're just blowing my mind again
thought i was born to endless night, until you shine
high; running wild among all the stars above
sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me

will you be my shoulder when i'm grey and older?
promise me tomorrow starts with you
getting high; running wild among all the stars above
sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me

james blunt - high
___________________________________________

tears and rain

how i wish i could surrender my soul
shed the clothes that become my skin
see the liar that burns within my needing
how i wish i'd chosen darkness from cold
how i wish i had screamed out loud
instead i've found no meaning

i guess it's time i run far, far away
find comfort in pain
all pleasure's the same:
it just keeps me from trouble
hides my true shape, like dorian gray
i've heard what they say
but i'm not here for trouble

it's more than just words: it's just tears and rain

how i wish i could walk through the doors of my mind
hold memory close at hand
help me understand the years

it's more than just words: it's just tears and rain

james blunt - tears and rain
________________________________________

the days are so gloomy
arg

my brother's leaving on a jet plane
for two months!
arg

________________________________________

i've asked why i'm going through this process of not
having a church to call home for so long

and i got my answer while sitting so still
in church this sunday

i looked back at each week
and to this week i still haven't been to the
same church twice in a row

it's more than months now

in my mind...
you're doing this so that
you can bring others to me
you're there at the place you are
because i want you to be there

lightbulb suddenly lights up
and i review each week

whoa.

every sunday...

this week i will be at the same church i was last week.
cuz my mom will be going to church
again this week with me

many people are so full of energy and life
it pulls me there

thanks for the prayers.
keep them coming. =)

on thanking

not much time left till i sleep

wanted to write though...

being thanksgiving
looking back at the year...

on school
on graduating
on europe
on work
on family
on friends


......
......
......


took some time to be thankful
for some other things

for the ups...for the downs...

i'm certainly thankful that my mom went to church with me yesterday
and that she'll be going back as fast as next week!

thanks for the prayers
the thoughts

i've got another prayer request
my grandfather is not doing that well.

today we were supposed to all go to the cemetery together
to pay our respects to my wonderful grandmother

but he wasn't feeling well
he is usually very excited to go

but today, on thanksgiving
he said he couldn't go

not even for lunch. =(

my grandfather.
i've lived with him for so many years

.....
.....
.....

just looking back on the things we did together
and how much fun we had when i was small

what we ate together...what he cooked...
what he said about me
what we went through.

and how he laughs and smiles everytime he sees me

i'm thankful for that.

___________________________________________


here's a tough one

'do not be anxious about anything.' philippians 4:6

quite a few christians live in a terrible state of anxiety,
constantly fretting over the concerns of life.
the secret of living in perfect peace amid the hectic pace of daily life
is one well worth knowing.

what good has worrying ever accomplished?
it has never made anyone stronger,
helped anyone do God's will,
or provided for anyone a way of escape of of their anxiety.

worry only destroys the effectiveness of lives that would
otherwise be useful and beautiful.

(read this...right after my restless post)

being restless and having worries and cares
are forbidden by our Lord.
he simply means that we are not to worry about
what we eat, drink, and wear. (matt 6:31)

the tone of your voice
your negative attitude
the lack of joy

it is a sign of weakness to always fret,
question everything, and mistrust everyone.
we simply sink in our struggles when we could float by faith.

he deserves our total confidence
so come
my soul,
return to your place of peace
and rest within the sweet embrace of
the Lord Jesus

streams in the desert by l.b. cowman
___________________________________________

time for zzz's

just you

here comes my first chinese post...

i didn't write any of it though...it's just copied lyrics.
i don't understand much of it
because can't read most of the characters
and also because it's sang in manderin.

i know a couple lines.

but i think i understand it so well.

在距离三公里的位置 我在这里
想象心中的你的呼吸 同样的熄著灯的窗子
你在那里 听不到我呼吸著分离 我走向前 你看不见 真的遥远
就连叹息 影子听见 也是无言
你走向前 我看不见 你的思念
你和我之间 刻著一条界线 不曾有改变

保留著三公分的距离 我的眼里
填满著整个我爱的你 坐在同一张四方桌子边
你的眼里 读不到眷著我的讯息

当爱离开之前 能多苦 能多深 能多甜
距离是你走过我身边

the song hurts.
it's taken me hostage.
________________________________________

can't get enough of your smile.

i wish i could think of nothing but you.

i can then let go of all stresses.

________________________________________

yet another sunday
still lost
still looking
still finding my way out this dark tunnel.

whisper so i can find my way out.

happy thanksgiving...

everyday needs to be thanksgiving.

i will recount my year of needed thanks.
it's about time!