7 days

what a week it has been
no more complaints
because whatever i've lost
i've gained so much more

eight days ago
i was back at home
with family and relatives
preparing for a momentous and joyous occasion

four days ago
i stood beside my brother
as i watched him get married
the best and only wedding i've ever been to
perfect in so many ways
nervous giving my speech
it turned out so well
cheers to them both

three days ago
if i could only relive this day again and again
if i could only see you right now
i miss you everyday
thank you is probably not enough

yesterday
i flew back to halifax
leaving so much behind
yet working for what is ahead

right now
as i missed my morning class
due to not remembering to change
my cell phone back to halifax time
the alarm went off one hour late
i was just about to leave
until i looked at my watch one more time
before i stepped out
haha...

unexplainable joy

love does not consist in gazing at each other
but in looking outward in the same direction

may their joys be as bright as the morning
and their sorrows
but shadows that fade in the sunlight of love

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looking for breathing room
the breaks between the frenzy

stopping to catch my breath
reminding myself
this is a very special and happy time
that will never happen again

indulging myself here and there
finding that time
which is now
to gather my thoughts

this week will inspire me for the future
perhaps how i live
perhaps in what i do

so happy to see my brother so happy
even though he's exhausted
i know deep down behind it all
there's this unexplainable joy

i pray for his capacity
to handle the seemingly infinite tasks and details

and i pray that i have a peace of mind
that i remember my purpose
that i can find my strength to persist this week
and not break down or combust
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come up to meet you
tell you i'm sorry

tell me your secrets
and ask me your questions
lets go back to the start
running in circles
coming up tails
heads on a silence apart

nobody said it was easy
it's such a shame for us to part
nobody said it was easy
no one ever said it would be this hard

please take me back to the start...

numbness

cold in the sun
my feet on the ground
a pale windless city
a numbness for sound

i'll wait, back here
or will you notice
a moment in time
a photograph lost here
since you were mine
i'll wait back here
or should i start pushing my way back

i walk past your room
a deep silhouette
you're tired of racing
i don't understand

i'll wait
back here
a cold end
an evening
a soaked cigarette
i'm asleep on a shoulder that i've never met
should i start pushing my way home

cold
and the whiskey is wearing
and i'm on the edge of my breath
i'm thinking of leaving
i could just lay down
lay down and freeze to death.

numbness for sound - howie day

fine tune

after you cry
you feel it in your eyes
the next day

god's way of telling you
he just taught you something
very important.
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excepted

the road is too rough i said
it is uphill all the way
no flowers but thorns instead
and the skies overhead are gray
but one took my hand at the entrance dim
and sweet is the road that i walk with him.

the cross is too great i cried
more than the back can bear
so rough and heavy and wide
and nobody near to care
and one stooped softly and touched my hand
i know. i care. and i understand.

then why do we fret and cry
cross bearers all we go
but the road ends by and by
in the dearest place we know
and every step in the journey we
may take in the lords own company.

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counting down to the days before
i go back for my bro's grand wedding
i'm getting nervous for him.

in my constant push for things to be done faster
due to my needed absence away from school
its too fast
and lost sight of good work
i've produced plenty now
and it hit me today
that they are in dire need of refinment
and fine tuning

home soon

dismay dismissed
haha...there's no time for it

continue pushing forward
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people with passion
what i always like to see
always

striving for what they believe in
you can see it when they speak with their eyes
where the emotions speak louder than words
_________________________________________________

the chinese soup
i was just asked if i got any lately
a symbol of love
care
parents
grandparents

if you're having homemade chinese soup
it is a symbol of being very fortunate
that you are home
around family

the days i go back home
there is not a day without this soup
to make up for the days
i go without it.

dismay

i work for my classes
to have at least something

i work for my classes
to have something great

right now...
i work for my classes
to have at least something
to be discussed

architorture
love | hate relationship

right now
i would rather be studying for an exam
than to be working on anything
related to architecture

right now
i no longer want to produce
and be judged and criticised
i don't want vague and and obscure direction
'i don't want to lead you in this way'
having the implicit meaning of
'i just don't want to be held responsible
of the mistakes you will make if you don't
do what i say properly'

i want definite answers
i want solidity
not a viscous mish-mash of nonsense

as my courses draw attention away from each other
they all remain in a state of an underdeveloped embryo

this constant balance of work leaves
all in dismay
and have left me ultimately
in the state of dismay

i am left drained
utterly confused
only to realise
there is so much more work
to be
accomplished, digested, manifested,
developed, conjured, understood, painted,
drawn, modeled, read, thought about, discussed,
written, printed, illustrated, diagrammed
to death
on a daily basis.

eloquent

hegemony prevails and resistance is futile
yet resistance will always be prevalant
and through it
change is brought about.

communication through overlaps and exclusions.
that is really something
takes a while to digest...

eloquent you are.
i haven't come across somebody
as articulate in a long while.

never fret
rest in patience
and always
hold dear to what you believe.
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no one could learn the song
except the 144000 who had been redeemed from earth
revelations 14:3

in this life
you are receiving a music lesson
from your father

you are being trained
to sing in a choir
you cannot yet see
and there will be parts
in the chorus
that only you can sing
the deepest notes
belong to you
and will only
be reached by you.

for the lord has sent
me sorrows to educate
thereby providing
the proper training
to partake in his heavenly choir.

in the darkest night
he is composing your song

in the valley
he tunes your voice

in the storm clouds
he deepens your range

in the rain
he sweetens your melody

in the cold
he gives you expression

and when hope turns to fear
he perfects the message
of your lyrics.

more

dinner tonight
roomate is gone so i got to cook on my own for myself...
haven't done that much since being in halifax
enjoyed the whole process.
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living in a fickle world
with fickle people
every now and then.
________________________________________________

i'm working my arms off
yet i still have to produce more...
more...
more?

they want 'substantially' more
that's what's killing me
the beginning of the term was slow
and now...
it's like i can't catch it

let me slow down a bit.