almost there

this term comes quickly to an end.
half of fourth year, the last year, gone.
can't wait to get some more sleep. yawn...
going down to the rivoli tomoro to watch a gig raising money for children affected by aids in africa. office party on saturday...switchfoot concert on the 8th...whoohoo!
can't wait.
after all this fun
then comes the time
to make changing life decisions
yet,
then again,
it's not up to me
not at all

cannonball

so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannon
stones taught me to fly
love taught me to cry
so come on courage
teach me to be shy
cause it's not hard to fall
and i don't wanna scare her
it's not hard to fall
and i don't wanna lose
it's not hard to grow
when you know that you just don't know

there's still a little bit of your song in my ear
there's still a little bit of your words i long to hear

lyrics by damien rice

delicate

so why d'ya fill my sorrow
with the words you've borrowed
from the only place you've known
why d'ya sing hallelujah
if it means nothin' to ya
why d'ya sing with me at all?

lyrics by damien rice

cold snow

the snow is falling
the decorations still need to be set up in the house.
to be done after the 3rd.
everything...push back after the 3rd.

29 community outreach design presentation
1 outreach design centre report
3 is thesis schematic design presentation

hope for the best
prepare for the worst
take whatever comes my way with a grin.

wet ground

wet ground and the snow is still not falling
circumstances are alarming, darling
the future is just a word, that's how i recall it
the past is much more present in our yawning

if you are to change your mind
don't think i'll forget where i have been
i'll stay till this torment's over
and i know not where i'm going
make it easy on me please

lyrics by sondre lerche

i set myself up today.
to be hurt.
and hurt i am.

light my path

i know i need to get plenty of work done on my 'two days off'
it's getting somewhere...but not as far as i would like...boo

i feel comforted when the other day when asked about masters by my friend in studio
i yelled out 'i'm lost'
then i heard 'i'm lost too'
and 'me too'
and 'yea'

our heads drooped in the air
silence for mere moments

all of us seeming quite doubtful
the fear of rejection is far to great

it's like working for 4 years on a project to finally be rejected in the end

here we go again trying determine our lives
or have our live be determined by others

just finished watching 'lost' today
i can somewhat relate to the characters

light on my path once again

bringing back

internet decided not to work for couple days.
i decided to continue to work everyday.

bring back myself
bring back the happy
bring back the one who takes the time
bring back the one who looks people in the eyes
bring back the smile
bring back the calm
bring back me

me?

taking a break from model building...
visited this site:

http://noracom.net/eng/fortune/fortune.php

red wolf person is cheerful, pure and amiable.
however, you don't like interference (who does?), and because you yourself don't depend on others, you give the impression of being gruff and abrupt. (yea..i think so)
you are born with luck, and will be recognized socially and economically. (um..?)
you don't like to suck up to your boss. (uhh? i don't think should be called sucking up...if i had a choice i would rather be the boss)
you have a strong sense of justice, and even if you would be disadvantaged, you will act according to your principles. (for sure)
You guard your responsibility precisely, and your cautiousness at work will get you trust of the others. (i try)
The weakness is you tend to get bored easily. (i try to like being bored, a necessity in today's world)
and being clumsy makes it difficult to become successful in the society, but if you meet a boss who would understand you, luck will come by. (i hope)
you are good at producing original ideas, and are never out of new ideas and unique plans. (yea!)
you have the power to put that into action as well. (whohoo!)
you can carry out a race to be number one in areas that you are good at. (true, i don't race in anything i'm not good at)
so, you are suited to become a specialist. (uh huh)
even if you change jobs, you are able to accumulate knowledge, and will develop your own career. (sounds good)

so much.

i don't feel like being myself...
so much stored up.
so much.
i've been pondering why i'm constantly in pain.
stress?
it leads to tension.
why all the stress?
so many things i can't write.
but stored up in the head.
so much.
why all the hurt?
i don't want to keep it in there anymore.
can i press delete?
i think i need a long train ride.
one that takes 10 years.

my strength my song

as i embarked on the journey yesterday to 'yonge street mission' i didn't really know what to expect. but i expected the worse senarios. having to wake up at 7:00am on a saturday is quite dreadful. serving breakfast to children and conversing with them was really quite the experience. it was a diverse group of children around 20 of them. i could defintely see God working through them. a sad thing i don't often see in myself. when i remember people, i remember the lasting impression. i see in my 'mind's eye' open smiles. warm and friendly. it definitely makes me want to go back. where i know they seek things than themselves. i felt very comfortable and definitely welcome. one of the workers there that led the gym activity was quite an inspiration. i was thanked, he did not know my name, nor what i did to help, nor who i was, but thanked. i'm glad i woke up to go. again, i am humbled.

my hope is in the name of the Lord.

100 - 99 = 1

verge of breaking down.

i feel i'm beginning to crumble.
the sand and soil of my tower is slowly beginning to loosen.
everything seems to pull me apart.
everything.
the facade is melting away.
the structure being revealed.
it was not deemed steady at the beginning.
miscalculations were the cause.
1 + 1 = 5?
nothing is adding up.
I had my first coffee of the term.
yuck. >_<*

shocking

yesterday's shock recorded today

shock 1
after reading the syllabus for the COP course, seeing that two things were due the next day worth 40% of the course. Our group has not discussed or even met for the project. we don’t seem to worry, or at least I don’t seem to worry about my electives. after arriving to school i found out that nothing was due the next day. prof was generous to give an extension.

shock 2
right after finding out about the extension – I received an e-mail my mentor and previous co-worker. she told me she resigned. utterly shocked. she wrote that she was sad to leave, but happy that she had another job. I think she probably found a new and maybe even better job so she decided to leave and even mentioned that she intends to start her own office. So I now must work things out with her as soon as possible. she asked if i would be interested in working together.

shock 3
my RA hours are up. I had a maximum of 74 hours I could work for prof. I told prof that I’ve used all the hours for which I can get paid. prof said bleep, face and eyes turned red. well prof is having a stressful week and told me that he is trying to get me a new position. no more RA….it will be TA+AA. The pay would double. prof said that if i can’t get that position, he will pay me out of his pocket. more hours of work….@_@

all in all the day has been rough.
I don’t know whether to categorize these things as good or bad.

there’s fallback, there’s opportunity.

I'm looking in the mirror thinking, 'what are you doing?'