guess what

start all three parts with 'guess what?'
_____________________________________

i've finally picked colours for the portfolio!
that's a start
they look almost like the blog
except for the blue
they remind me of muji

also got the GRE book from a friend
i can now start reviewing my highschool knowledge!
_____________________________________

i'm well rested feeling great!
thanks for the weekend

these few days i'm much more at peace than before
_____________________________________

today it finally hit me!

no school for the first time in 18 years!
after labour day is a work day
not a school day

no homework
no grades
no gathering with friends
to discuss homework and grades













--------------------------------> thanks

lift

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

my head is spinning...

the whole day i kept repeating to myself
'look awake'
'get everything done'

by the end of the work day
i looked awake
and got everything done

after work
i felt i was about to collapse
light headed
heavy feet

i went to sleep, but couldn't
can't stand it when that happens

there's too much on my mind

when the world comes down hard
don't lift on your own

reaching deep

loaded with work tonite

i struggle to find the time
to make time for others

God has been very gracious

i make a call to my another one of my mentors
my teacher
it's her birthday today

there's this warm calm coming over me
she tells me she goes to church every sunday
and even to sunday school
enjoying it very much

what?
did i just hear that?
i did

it is a blessing to hear these stories

it is much more than a blessing when you hear them
when feeling like the smallest speck on the earth

'i hope you have a very happy birthday'
'it is because you called me'

23 cards

just as you are

heart of mine
why must you stray
from one so fair
you run away
and one more time you have to pay
the heaviness of needless shame

heart of mine
come back home
you've been too long
out on your own
and he's been there all along
watching for you down the road

so come home running
his arms are open wide
his name is Jesus
and he understands
he is the answer
you are looking for
so come home running
just as you are

child of God
so dearly loved
and ransomed by
the Saviour's blood
and called by name
daughter and son
wrapped in the robe
of righteousness

so come home running
just as you are

chris tomlin - come home running
________________________________________

thanks to all, thanks for everything.

i feel a little stupid.
or very.

thanks for proving me wrong.

it's me who needs to learn from all of you.

waiting for a dream

opened wounds?

many things on my mind
to troubled to express
to lost to think
to confused to convey

i gave myself 10 days
any better?
i trick myself to believe that it is
________________________________________

happy birthday?
i don't know if i'll be happy for this one

i'm at that age...
no material possession can make me happier

with age comes more knowledge
i don't want to know anymore
________________________________________

last week
i remember
i walked outside in the morning
i plugged in my mp3 player
and listened to the first three notes

and sank into the deepest pit
i've never felt that way before

it became worse on the subway
so many people
yet i couldn't hold it
they began to look
but i couldn't stop

i took out my pencil
and started writing

the music made it continue
_______________________________________

i know what you're going through
i won't be the one that lets go of you

when you come back down
if you land on your feet
i hope you find a way to make it back to me

i don't know if i'll make it to my feet
without a hand

everything stays in my mind
feeling in a daze on the ground
feels like it's gonna give
life's too hard to live anymore
think i've had enough things too tough
i'm out the door

falling down what you gonna do?
standing on the top of the world tonite
no one's looking back at you
stand tall
it's going to be just fine
i'm holding on today

i would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming

i would spend my nights sleeping
instead of daydreaming

only if i knew
i would have a sweet dream tonite

sweet dreams.

**

**thoughts closed for repair

ouch

my stomach is constantly gnawing away at me...

sadly i'll be seeing the doctor again today...so i gotta leave work early

my own diagnosis:
stomach ulcer

reason:
anti-inflammatory drugs, stress, and anxiety

symptoms:
gnawing, aching, burning, fatigue

treatment:
hopefully the doctor knows this time
_____________________________________________

my regular doctor is on holiday
i went to doctor that i think isn't great
i see him for 5 minutes, and i can leave
he said it's not what i diagnosed
probably something else

getting xrays next week

i'm alright...

maybe i'm not...
but ah well.

i guess when the 31 days are up...
i can't ask for more?
it was a really great 31 days
thanks.

maybe i'm dreaming
it's a nice dream though
maybe i'll wake up.

here

so much beauty in life
shining on the outside
empty on the inside
i get lost sometimes
blinded by the flashing lights
distractions always in my eyes

so i'm following the sound,
the sound of my heart

you can take it all away
i don't need it
underneath
i'll still be the same

coming in with nothing, leaving with the same
it's all inside
coming in with nothing, the only thing that saves
is here inside

ryan cabrera - take it all away
_________________________________________


6 years...i cried
6 years...

what have i done in these 6 years
i felt a little more than useless
a little more than shameful
a little more than sad

'you've accomplished nothing and you haven't amounted to much'

nobody i can open to
nobody i can talk to

the bridges i form
i break all on my own

nothing to fall back on
nobody to fall back on

i know i am where i am
because you want me to be here

you have my heart

you have my heart 
and i am yours forever
you are my strength
God of grace and power

and everything you hold in your hand
still you make time for me
i can’t understand
praise you God of earth and sky
how beautiful is your unfailing love
unfailing love

and you never change God you remain
the Holy One
my unfailing love
unfailing love

you are my rock
the one i hold on to
you are my song
and i sing for you

still you make time for me
i can't understand
______________________________________

after a long day of work
i didn't want to go home yet
so i walked around the mall
getting some B vitamins

on the crowded subway home
i ran into someone from church

i was really happy to see her
because i haven't talked to her in a long time
her husband and kids have moved and changed churches

how much God has blessed her life
i could see it in the way she told me today
in the short thirty minute ride

her husband has been studying to become a pastor
a major decision to make

no regrets
no resentment
no bitterness
just following
just trusting
just relying

because of her husbands calling
she has been carrying the family's finances
she works long hours
and she spends less time with her family
they have had to move
the children had to switch
from private to public school

i told her a little about myself

she reminded me to be thankful
to know that God is in control

listening to others often helps
put my own life into perspective

=)

found you.