music

i've been spending a lot of time listening to music, understanding the lyrics...


Linus: is it morning yet?
Charlie: no, it's only ten o'clock...
Linus: ten o'clock?! good grief! this night is going to last forever! i'll never make it! why did lucy have to bury my blanket? why? anyway, charlie brown, it's nice of you to sit up with me...
Charlie: this is what friends are for...
Linus: good ol' charlie brown...

hungry for truth

work week finally over...it was a long long week...
today, the fellowship program was 24 hr famine, organized by a group including me...i'm very relieved, by the help of others contributing their time, it was supposed to be solely me organizing it...but i really lacked the experience and time. yesterday was a meeting at pastor's house about the book some of us were reading, the discipline of grace, a really good book, it explains much about the concerns of a Christian, and the words are so true. as usual now...i haven't been getting much sleep, 7 hours max each day...i'm glad i still had energy to work and participate in the famine to raise money for kids in china who want to go to school. we learned at the meeting yesterday about the book, not to be proud, when you accomplish something great, and not to always feel guilty about not being good enough, or feeling unworthy. many times, i feel both, this book is a really great reminder for me. tonite i also realized and was reminded again how lucky we are to live in canada, the food we have the homes we live in. it's great to be a canadian and to have food in our stomach. thank God. what is a good day what is a bad day? we also talked about that in the meeting yesterday. good day bad day? the most important quote from the book is "your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace, and your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace."

i notice that my thoughts just jump around so often...haha....the good thing i'm allowed, cuz this isn't an essay or something that needs to be handed in....these are my thoughts...

Linus: what's the matter?
Lucy: my life is a drag...i'm completely fed up...i've never felt so low in my life...
Linus: when you're in a mood like this you should try to think of things that you have to be thankful for...in other words, count your blessings...
Lucy: ha! that's a good one! i could count my blessings on one finger! i've never had anything, and i never will have anything! I don't get half the breaks that other people do...nothing ever goes right for me! and you talk about counting blessings! you talk about being thankful! what do i have to be thankful for?
Linus: well, for one thing, you have a brother who loves you...
Lucy: waahhhh....(sobbing)
Linus: every now and then, i say the right thing...

a friend in need comes a friend in deed

i'm so tired...i'll write little...
my face is weak right now in showing any emotion...
 
thanks for the support...i needed it...=)
 
the long weekend is coming...i will be sleeping...can't wait.
zzzzzzzzzz...
it's been so cloudy lately...but i hope the sun shines tomoro...can't wait to see it...
 
Linus: a smile makes a lousy umbrella! 
or umbanana as Mcdull would put it..haha..!
 

in a world of trouble

"I have told you these things, so that you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble, but take heart!  I have overcome this world."  John 16:33
 
i know that without trouble, if nothing in my life goes wrong, i can't appreciate the blessings.  i won't appreciate light if i have never been in the dark.  God, be beside me in every good or bad situation, my smiles are wearing thin...

architecture

i.m. pei:
"i prefer not to use labels, to me it's just architecture, there's no such thing as modern architecture, post-modern, deconstructivism, you can use all the ism's you want, i don't believe in any of them.  they come and they go, and the one that really survives, lasting, is architecture."

=)

i carry half of the load, the Lord sustains the other...=)

off schedule

so much to dooooo...help!
i need help, i can't balance all these things on my own...
i'm only doing priorities rite now...many things are being cut off my daily plans...
planning church programs and events is needing more time than i'm putting into it....the dates becoming closer, the time running away...
i've yet to actually sit down in front of the tv to watch a whole 30 min program...
i think tv's should be installed on the subway...and about the subway...sometimes it aggitates me...on friday it lengthened my trip by another 30 min...ugh...forced to get off the subway at sheppard, wait 30 min, for another subway...
i have many subway horror stories...
and a funny one where on friday, i was so tired that i almost fell on somebody while sleeping...haha....argh..
 
no more adding to the schedule...i'm only allowing to things to be taken off the schedule...
time, very limiting
 
can i take a break?
 

have some faith!

it's the 23 already?  booo...
when working time seems to fly...i don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing as i was discussing with a co-worker.  it's good that work time goes by fast, but then there's so much to complete that i don't want the workload to become like compound interest.
there's so much in my mind, i need a break, i hear much, i read much, i see much, my mind always analyzing, trying to figure something out.
tonite was great, a speaker called joe boot came to church to talk about world views, very intriguing!  he's an evangelist and apologist, an apologist is not somebody who goes around apologizing in what they believe, but defending it.  his defense for Christianity is intense and powerful.  living without God utterly makes no sense to me at all.  are we all just bunches of atoms running around in chaos?  no meaning no purpose?  then does it matter if somebody went around killing the people around them?  no, life then becomes meaningless, he/she becomes a bunch of atoms destroing a bunch of atoms, that does not matter at all.  nothing matters, everybody is then reduced to the level of even the mosquito, it doesn't matter it the mosquito lives, or dies.  it, and every human on earth were to live meaninglessly = to an ant.  we are more than just atoms that came from a big bang of nothing, into something.  nothing into something?  will a chair in 10 million years become a whole universe?  no.  give it 100 million years, the chair will become a human?  that's evolution.  everything created from nothing in a lot of time.  Christianity, the belief solely relying on the Word of God, the Bible, is the greatest defense of a Christian.  has anybody disproved anything in the Bible?  no.  would the Bible still make sense thousands years from today?  yes.  technology changes, but not the human heart.  in fact i'm trying to make sense of all i heard today myself.  this is my world view.  do i believe in God?  of course.  no God?  then basically we are just bunches of atoms running around?  many people go around saying "i don't believe in God, i believe in myself."  believe in yourself?  really?  what does that actually mean?  believe in yourself?  so then one day, death comes knocking, and eventually, the atoms that run into each other, eventually having no meaning, finished, end.  would i try to pretend there's some sort of meaning, without a God, sort of putting things together to make some sense of life?  "i believe life is to be lived to the fullest."  "i believe that we are to make a difference in life." living to the fullest?  what is the fullest?  who determines what fullest is?  yourself?  then die and nothing becomes of nothing. to make a difference?  to what?  making a difference to a bunch of atoms that eventually becomes nothing?  sounds good?  errrr?  the fate of humanity is not like the fate of the mosquito.  there is truth, we search for it...we think we know, or maybe just never thought of it at all.  just living each day trying to be happy.  step into my world view.  there's so much to know to learn, the truth is i don't know much myself.  i hear, and make out what i think is true what is false.  i've made this out to be true.  do you believe i tell the truth?  Christianity is not a superstition, i don't believe in it for no real reason.  the reasons are many.  countless.  have faith!  =) 
 
so so sleepy rite now...i want to write so much more...i do, but my eyes don't...haha...
i will tomoro

learning, just keep learning

life is good...
everything is going well,
 
priorities change constantly...
i've been reading many books simultaneously...the discipline of grace, how green is your garden, university/community design partnerships, the purpose driven life, re-reading don't sweat the small stuff, i'm very glad that i'm going through these books, although not at a speed that i would like, but it's good that i'm opening them all once in a while...
 
this summer has been already really meaningful
i've got a bbq party to go to in 1hr, then drinks with friends after...weekends are too short...one more day of unplanned nothingness would be so good...
having no schedule would be good...
i just want to wake up, knowing that the whole day is unplanned not schedule, doing whatever
that would be good...i want to be bored more often
i've just been reading in don't sweat...it says
"much of our anxiety and inner struggle stems from our busy, overactive minds always needing something to entertain them.  while we're eating dinner we wonder what we have for dessert.  when we have dessert we ponder what to do afterward...it's almost as though we're frightened at the thought of not having something to do, even for a minute."
 
charlie: it's a beautiful little tree isn't it?
linus: yes, it is...
charlie: it's a shame that we won't be around to see it when it's fully grown..
linus: why? where are we going?
 
 
 
 

tomoro i share

i find it easier writing in here because it makes me feel i'm writing to someone. words flow better.
it's funny because i've been looking for something to share tomoro with the kids about the Bible.
i've been searching for days, trying to find some suitable passages i can share with kids tomoro in church. right now, it has come to me at last. thank God! why didn't i think of it earlier...i think God wants me to read the Bible more often...! so i'm going to share two verses i've written in here before. the first passage is:
"come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest. take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for i am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." from Matthew 11:28-30
the second is:
"cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." from Psalm 55:22
the first passage applies to life's hard questions. not the simple things like what should i wear tomoro. these are questions such as "who am i?, where am i going? what should i do in life and why?" all of these questions can be answered with Jesus. some days of the week i do feel burdened, my heart gets heavy and i wonder what i'm doing, how come i have to go through all the trials in life? i wake up, i go to work, i eat, i sleep. what's new? through this repetitive cycle, what am i aiming for? what's going to happen a few years from now? i get tired thinking of these questions, and i'm reminded by his words...Jesus is not trying to say that he will put me to sleep right away to give me rest, but he will give me rest from the stress i go through each day and the voices in my head. why did i have to go through that? why do i have to stay for overtime every week while everybody else gets to leave? why did i do so poorly on that project? but i know that things are happening for a reason. God wants me to learn something, everything that i'm going through prepares me for the future, good or bad. and no matter the situation is good or bad i'm learning to cast my cares on the Lord, because i'm learning that in all i do i should do it for his glory and not mine. many of the loads we carry in life are our own creations. many of the weights we carry are given to us by God, but God will never give you more than you can carry. the amazing thing is that when God gives us a load, he will help us carry it. He does not expect us to carry our burdens alone. so i want to tell the kids that no matter what's happening in your life now, good or bad, if you're happy or sad, remember to rely on God. he will give you peace. because he's always listening. and he knows even before you tell him! 11:01 pm

toronto: i belong here

it's a good day to be in TO. i don't think i would live in any other city although i haven't been to many others, but i believe in what Toronto represents, i enjoy the people, the culture, the density, the sense of security and belonging. i had a great lunch today at sintra, an italian restaurant that participated in summerlicious. it was so good. for $10 there was bread and olives, a salad, fillet of sole, and egg foam for dessert. the dessert was real good...! just the thought of it makes me happy. i've been told that it's really easy to make me happy, and it is. after lunch then the day continued with a stroll along college, spadina, and queen streen arriving at the outdoor arts exhibition at nathan philips square. the largest outdoor art exhibition in north america. it was good. i was really impressed by the variety and talent. after the exhibition we headed to the toronto street festival, who says toronto is boring? i beg to differ. you just got to discover it. parts of young street was closed off to cars and only pedestrians were allowed. many things were happening, and i've never seen so many people walking together in young street before. the day has went by quickly, and now i've gotta do a lot of work to prepare for things happening tomoro. i noticed the time on these blogs is wrong, off by a few hours. but anyways it doesn't matter, i think it's because my calender is set to 2002...haha...

i've decided to go to these thing every year:
doors open
outdoor arts exhibition
summerlicious
street festival
toronto, we belong here.

charlie: what if everyone was like you? what if we all ran away from our problems? huh? what then? what if everyone in the whole world suddenly decided to run away from their problems?
linus: well, at least we would all be running in the same direction!

finding time

today is quite the normal day...
until at the end of it, i became quite overwhelmed...
i've only 2 hands and 3/4 of an archi degree...but what makes the difference is that God is there with me =)
my weekend and weeknights fill up fast...i find it hard to fit everything in my daily calender because it's all in my mind...with all days listed, and tonite, so many of those squares got filled up. stress is up.

how do i find time for other things...
i'm at my limits...i've got to start saying no...but that's just not me...
i think i don't like saying no, because i don't like hearing no...haha...
must...plan...time...wisely...but...planning...time...takes...time..........help!

i have to sleep...i have so much that i have promised to do...
i'm very glad to do it, but just lacking in time...boooo...

there's more

there's more...today that phrase applies in two ways.
and there is so much more.

my life looks really simple from the outside. and it's simple from the inside as well. that's the way i'd like to keep it. don't sweat the small stuff. why even bother will small issues when there's so much more. it's about the big picture, look at things from a distance and all the small things disappear. life that way becomes so much more relaxed. i don't have energy or time to waste on small things, so why carry all the extra weight? i don't need the extra stress...haha...i could use a little less! i still want to keep my hair! haha..

cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22

i gotta keep focused on the larger issues that fill my life.
and when i can't handle the larger things...the Lord says...
"come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

there's more...today it applies to work
there more? yes...more doors...about 150 of them...each one has to be listed...
i don't know why, but at the end of my work day, i got happier...
work ended at 6:30...almost everybody gone already, and i was still slaving away trying to figure out which door is made of what material, has what hardware, swings which way. all 150 of them.
why be frustrated when i can be glad that i'm learning so much more about doors...that will take some time...haha...that's the ideal situation...because there will for sure be frustration.

lucy: if you know your stars, you'll never get lost in the woods...see that star up there? that's the west star...if your camp is in the west, you just follow that star...
linus: what if your camp is in the east? is there an east star?
lucy: no, that would make it too easy...

life is never that simple...don't be too naive linus...

overly stressed?

today, i got my routine, once a month or week visit to a doctor who tries to heal my back and neck pain, which leads to my arm and leg pain. i've been to so many doctors it's getting a bit ridiculous. i've seen almost every kind of doctor there is...first of course, there's the family doctor, the chiropractor, the physiotherapist, accupuncture, tuina therapist, etc. finally i think i've ran into the right one. i think she know's to fix me and stop my aching woes. i've actually had neck and back pain for a long time...i think about 2 years...but i got used to it after one year, but it definitely sux. i can never concentrate well on school work, always this nagging pain somewhere. it's totally runs parallel to me level of stress. the more stress the more tense i get and the reality is, i get stressed constantly. i don't know why, but today the therapist said, my biggest problem is my lower back, then it's my head (she said i get frustrated easily), then it's my neck. my head?!?! she's good, she just waves her hand over me and tells me what's wrong. i was like uhh...what r u doing? she's taken many many classes and has been taught by many many people, so i do trust her. she has stopped much of my pain, but it will come back in about a month or so...i think it's due to the build up of stress. she said she can even cast away evil spirits...i was like what? really? i asked do i have any near me? she said no...but she said she once had to cast one out of her house before...haha...anyways i'm feeling good today! no pain no gain that's what they say...and i think i've gained a lot through this pain...at least i know now i can handle a LOT of pain.

summer deliverables

linus: do you think we should plan what we're going to do this summer, charlie brown?
charlie: well, they say the secret of life is good planning

summer's going by fast, july first today and having a bbq in our new gazebo, finally something in the backyard besides grass. tuesday was terrific cuz i got to leave work early and go watch miriam and edmond at rama with some friends and parents. at first we sat at the highest and furthest away from the stage, but then just 2 minutes into the concert, my dad called me and said that he got some new tickets. surprisingly, they were extremely close to the stage.

the next day was work again and it was the last day of work of the week. it seemed like a long day, probably because i was really looking forward to going home and finally sleeping in the next day. everyday of the holiday, something has been planned and i'm sure this holiday will pass as fast as all the other holidays, they're never long enough.

lucy: do you think people ever really change?
linus: sure, i feel i've changed a lot this past year...
lucy: i meant for the better!