i realize

a wave of unrelentless pressure and stress has overcome me...
it was there all along...

but just as i read the CV's of one of my guest critics for monday...the tremble started.
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when i try so hard to become more the person i want to be

things backfire...my heart is lost, i don't know what to do...well in the spur of the moment...i did
why again? why again?

my hand on my forehead, my eyes in strain.

i ask the Lord, why again,
why is it so hard?

unrequitedness...
i know how that feels
i know how that looks
i know how it sounds

i picture the face, because it looks familiar

i put down my work,
i finally remember to take time and care.
because work will always be there.

i'm beginning to realize why the He wants me to go through this...
although not fully.
i realize how difficult it can be to find somebody to listen,
therefore i try my best when needed.
i realize how difficult it can be to find hope.
therefore i try my best to give off hope.
i know how a good person is hard to find.
therefore i try my best to grasp on with everything i have, when i do.