this is school work
the experience of hotels
rethinking it and trying to reinterpret
what this user group really needs

nomadic workers
always on the go

what i've observed is that
new york is known to be a place
where one can practially get anything at anytime
but
that's only if you know where to go
and who to find

not everybody knows new york
and especially those who travel there
for business or for a short couple of days
neither do they usually have the time
to find out more about the city before they go

what i found interesting is that
my critical comment during my thesis is that
there are already so many hotels
in manhattan
why add another one

maybe my answer can be simple
although this thesis will be a book long
it's because this is not your chain or boutique
there's a need
for the reinterpretation of the verticality
in midtown manhattan

the selection of a site is by fluke
however it proves to be interesting
being completely surrounded by hotels
it may be the densest block of hotels in the world
beside behind in front
all sandwiched by hotels
is the site that i have selected

this is interesting
it made me realize that there is definitely a need
for a different hotel
i went in and up most of them
because i can
we can all go in and up a hotel if we wanted
if the entrance and reception isn't too intimidating
as i've discovered myself
some are welcoming

however
there is no need for me or you to go inside a hotel
unless we're meeting someone in some room
or to go to a restaurant or function inside
the public doesn't wanter up the hotel
without a specific destination or plan

tall vertical hotels are like skyscrapers
and residential towers
however only hotels can be easily accessed
without having to swipe a key card...
questioned by security and turned away

but there is little reason for me and you to go in
there is nothing to do there

nothing at the top of the 40th storey
where the view is great
repetitive corridors and floor plates
from 2-40th floor
none of these corridors are plesant at all
one feeble attempted to make it more pleasant
today i saw that in a hotel corridor
there were vending machines covered with tall
wooden doors with stainless steel handles
a table and chairs were set up in front of them
to be used by guests
nice try.
nothing else i've seen
has given though to this stale and bland corridor
there is no reason for guests who live in the hotel
to go to a different floor
unless it is to eat or go to the bar or swimming pool
which is typically all on the same floor

as a traveler
or...i imagined myself being this nomadic worker
who visits an unknown city
how would i feel
there's definitely anxiety and intimidation
being overwhelmed is another
and lost

where do i go to find specific items?
how do i get to where i need to
easily enough one could ask
wouldn't it be easier if one didn't have to ask?

what if within the hotel envelope
one had what one needed
wouldn't that more convenient

i've read that many business travelers
don't enjoy what they do
like most people in the world

they don't like to be away from home 300
days of the year
but it's their job
and somebody's got to do it

they say they feel lonely
they say they work is their life
they say they don't know where they are when they wake up
they say they don't have a social life

trapped in the hotel

is it possible to bridge
the locals with these travelers
to bring social activity into their lives?

is it possible to let them encounter
others in their daily routine doing everyday things
within the hotel?

i think so

why not bring public functions into the hotel
with the most public being at the top

reason to go in
reason to go up
reason for the nomadic workers to leave their
room when they have the time

this provides chance for interation
chance for meeting
chance meetings

more later...

agony

just as i felt the term ending

THESIS DRAFT REPORT DUE!!!

the agony!
i'm sitting here
pulling my hair out
trying to summerize
what i've been doing
for three months...

all these floating thoughts
now need to be caught and thrown
through a printer

all need to be neatly formated
into a strict thesis document...

augh...

in two months

been two months eh

it's been so long...
so long.

not that i forgot that i need to write
it's that life was getting bleak
with little improvement
and increased chaos

close once again to the finish line
of yet another term

this one seemingly longer than most
probably because through most of it
i haven't been well.

you pray for patience
you will be given an opportunity
to gain more patience

you pray for courage
you will be given an opportunity
to test that courage

i am thankful for those who have
been so thoughtful
who have lightened up dark days
where i couldn't focus and think clearly

i walked down streets
thinking
will i ever get better from this
it was bad.

i've seen many doctors
i couldn't get a clear answer
a clear diagnosis
i would get a small part from one
then some other information from another

it was like putting a puzzle together
i was trying too hard to fit pieces together
and further worsened my own cause.

stressed at being stressed.
worry that had no end.
chainlinked snowballing thoughts.

now led to brighter days
where i have the opportunity to
understand how awful it can be
with long lasting symptoms that severely affect
one to live day to day life.

i've been given the opportunity
to face the challenges of the real world
with real world experiences.
not the most pleasant of all
with many logistical issues.

i've been given the opportunity
to escape the world of reality
through a theoretical design thesis
where anything can go
though still...must back it up
with reason and justification

i thought i couldn't surpass last year
and the year before.
things that happen seem more significant
year after year.
is it because they actually are?
or is it just with age?

thesis is tireless
leaving me feeling thoroughly insufficient
with my inability to argue
my lack of knowledge
my lack of creativity
all brought out in front of
a keen audience
who know more
have seen more

it's funny when i just read
'five years in a design program,
at a sufficiently respectable design school
will bleed most of the colour
out of this person's palette
and leave them crushed and vulnerable
enough to fully engage the profession.'

it's just that.

a discussion and lecture on ethics in architecture.
i mean
how many of us
fortunate enough
really get to practice what we preach
in the real world.
first thing out of school
we're taken by the strong hold of economics.
our theory and values so quickly forgotten

that hit home.
the questions always come.
what will you do after you graduate?
where will you be?
who will you work for?

i can only say
i need a break
i'm taking time off.
but the industry is booming
there is plenty of work
i want to get my 9 licencing exams
out of the way
and i do want to complete the rest of my
unfinished 5000 internship hours.
i also want to live.
i can't stand still.

i need to be friends
with the ones i still have.
friendships seem to hang by threads
easily cut
easily gone
with some there is more holding it together
than mere threads.
it's obvious that
you miss something more when it's not there.
when it's there,
there's nothing to miss.

i'm no longer as afraid of deadlines
as i was before
i use less time to do my work
i try to sleep more instead
i've learned

i'm very thankful for support
near and far.

resourceful

being highly resourceful i am realizing
is incredibly important

being able to deal with new situations and difficulties

making the best possible use of resources
and extracting the essence from them

to find the most useful
all the resources need to be throughly understood
and summarized and reinterpreted
then mixed and matched
and compiled
to formulate an argument

the headache of a thesis

but i can

it's been a while eh...

i've thought about writing
but i haven't got do actually doing it...

because once i reach this page
i know i will think many things
what to write
what not to write

well
as an update
it's been an alright start of the school term
for some reason this term i feel
i just need to get through it
put in as much effort i can
and get by
maybe i've lost my motivation somewhat
maybe it's because something is going on
with my health that has yet to be figured out

lacking direction in many ways
and the post-it notes flooding
slightly stressed
slightly worried

i feel that my thesis can be much stronger
that it can have a stronger basis
a greater theoretical undertone

what am i working for...
what are you working for...

in times like this
it's a bit hard to pick it up
but i can

it's only the beginning
must go on

so soon

crunch time!!!

ah crap...

it's that time when things come together
or they fall apart.

why is school starting again so soon...
the weather has been great

i need to get a running start...
my slow paced work is not getting me far...
i've become accustomed to having spare time
that i can't get used to deadlines...

it's time to pack those bags
and finish up this work term for good

stop and go

if i don't say this now
i will surely break
as i'm leaving the one
i want to take
forgive the urgency
but hurry up and wait
my heart has started to...
separate...

there now
steady love
so few come and don't go
will you
won't you
be the one i'll always know
when i'm losing my control
the city spins around
you're the only one
who knows
to slow it down.

__________________________________________________


when you're dreaming with a broken heart
then waking up
is the hardest part

you roll out of bed
and down on your knee
and for a moment
you can hardly breathe
wondering if you were really here
are you standing in my room
no you're not

do i have to fall asleep
with roses in my hand
would you get them if i did...
no you won't
cuz you're gone gone gone gone gone...

__________________________________________________


looking for something i've never seen
alone and i'm in between
the place that i'm from and
the place that i'm in
a city i've never been
i found a friend or should i say a foe
said just a few things you should know
we don't want you to see
we come and we go
here today
gone tomorrow

we're only taking turns
holding this world
it's how it's always been
when you're older
you will understand

if i say who i know it just goes to show
you need me less than i need you
take it from me
we don't give sympathy
you can trust me trust nobody
but i said you and me
we don't have honesty
the things we don't want to speak
i'll try to get out
but i never will
traffic is perfectly still

when i'm older
i might understand.

seem like 25 won't do the trick.

__________________________________________________


i declare
that holidays have ended.
the only word to describe it is...
short.

time to stop thinking
and start again.

running numbers

it's one of those days
where looking and going back
brings me back to a time
which was great.

on the holidays now.
where i don't really know what to do
with free time.

i think...
why do i keep myself busy.
simply i avoid

there we go...
just a minute ago
i made plans to keep my next couple hours
busy before i go fall asleep.

__________________________________________________


i have officially declared
that i'm in a state of holiday
i can do whatever...
whatever...
that's what scares me...haha
nervous laughter.

it's been another quick year so far
running through accomplishments
one after another
doing things i never thought i could.

i've participated in 4 competitions this year so far...
haha...maybe no more this year...
very stressful...
each and every one of them
haven't won anything yet...
2 lost
2 pending

i've worked 3 jobs this year...3
all architectural.
1 corporate firm
1 design firm
1 self entrepreneurial

i'll be doing my 2nd thesis starting september
topic and site still not determined.

flying on the 9th of september
school starts on the 10th

wave

'with skillful hands he led them'
psalm 78:72

when unsure which course to take
submit your judgment to the spirit of god
asking him to shut every door except the right one
move ahead and consider
the absence of a direct indication
from god to be the evidence of his will
that you are on his path

as you continue down the long road
you will find he has gone before you
locking doors you otherwise would
want to enter

yet out of all the locked doors
you can be sure he has left one unlocked
when you open it and walk through
you will find yourself in the river of opportunity
deeper and wider than you dared imagine
it flows to the open sea

___________________________________________________

sometimes when darkness falls
and every light's gone out
i wonder to what port m frail ship goes
although the night be long
and restless all my hours
my distant goal
i'm sure
my pilot knows

___________________________________________________


riding the waves as the come to me

back to canada

a canadian on copenhagen

i’ve come back to the place
where sandwiches have two pieces of bread
not just one on the bottom
in which knife and fork is required

i was glad to be among
my fellow canadians in the airport
all of different colours and backgrounds.
very comforting.

and english.
canadian english that is.
it felt good.

although still in my head plays
sounds of the danish language.
quite a language
i need a break for my ears.

going back to a place
where stores are open for more hours
where summer actually exists
and the land of food
not to mention cheap food that is.
no more DKK
i thought Canadian taxes are high
everything to me will now be cheap back here

after a while in Copenhagen
i became numb to prices
i forked out my money
it ran like a faucet
a leaky one

taxes were always included in prices
not like canada
where it’s always a surprise in the end
i think i like surprises.

the service in the city
was not what i expected
i very much expected courteous people
it’s such a developed
socially forward country
i would say they are a bit slow
maybe being overly critical

at grocery stores
i would get my changed slammed down on the table
and her look was of complete disgust
tossing grocery items down
like it didn’t matter

please is not a word they use often
it is more a demanding place
neither is sorry

it’s definitely a proud country
i would also say spoiled

babies are in the carriages
the size of a canadian shopping cart sometimes
they are very cool people
they think highly of themselves
and are highly concerned about how others see them

as i’ve heard
many of them reject religion and belief as ludicrous

they drink and smoke A LOT
i didn’t think they would smoke so much
but so many times
as i walk
i was behind a smoker

i said to a friend i think the people here
are very concerned about their health
then my friend said
didn’t you notice they smoke a drink a lot?
it’s all about balance i said

they are a very good looking bunch
they need to be seen and noticed

their transportation system
totally out performs any system i've seen
they've got a network of trains
new subway system
efficient bus system
a boat system
a superb biking system

they are very forward looking in terms
environmental awareness

they have five weeks of vacation a year
this year in copenhagen it has been cold
windy and rainy

when it's hot and sunny
the next day people will have
very noticable tans

in the summer
it's completely dark at 11:30 pm
and it begins to brigten at 3:30am
i experienced this a few times
when the birds started chriping
before i went to sleep

in the winter i hear
the sun rises at 10:00am
and sets at 3:00pm

it's good to be back

the story

a friend of a friend
brought over a book for me from toronto

as i've had more time for everything
since i haven't been working...
nor have the mindset to explore and travel
i've been back to reading

it's funny the things i begin doing when sick.
it's now i realize
this is what i would do if i had time
it's actually limited to some things
because i can't do much when ill

so this book begins
'life, you'll notice, is a story'
okay...
you already think i will agree
and i do...
read on...

'life unfolds like a drama, doesn't it?
each day has a beginning and an end.
there are all sorts of characters
all sorts of settings.
sometimes it seems like a tragedy.
sometimes like a comedy.
most of it feels like a soap opera.'

'so if life is a story
what is the plot?
what is your role to play?
what is this story all about?'

'for most of us,
life feels like a movie
we've arrived at forty five minutes late.
something important seems to be going on...
maybe...
i mean good things do happen,
sometimes beautiful things.
you meet someone
fall in love.
you find that work that is yours alone to fulfill.
but tragic things happen too.
you fall out of love
or perhaps the other person.
work begins to feel like punishment.
things begin to seem like an endless routine.'

'we find outselves in the middle
of a story that is sometimes wonderful,
sometimes awful, often a confusing
mixture of both and we haven't a clue
how to make sense of it all.
it's like we're holding in our hands
some pages torn out of a book.
these pages are the days of our lives.
fragments of a story.
they seem important,
or at least we long to know they are,
but what does it all mean?'

and then it quotes somebody called chesterton
'with every step of our lives
we enter into the middle of some story
which we are certain to misunderstand.'

'we can discover the full story.
maybe not with perfect clarity,
maybe not in the detail that you would like,
but in greater clarity than most of us have,
and that would be the price of admission.
i mean, to have some clarity would be gold
right now wouldn't it?'

excerpts from 'epic'
john eldredge

what's next?

here i am
i'll try to be honest
cuz i can

i'll try to be better
than i am
for you

i need to hear
your voice
i don't need to talk
i need to listen
i open my mouth
i close my eyes
and my wisdom is a pale disguise

you never change at all
you'll always break my fall
i love you most of all

please be still
no need to remember
where you've been
you need to recall everything
about me


failure is not the end
fox run

_______________________________________________


ski is over
finally we have concluded our submission
for the oslo holmenkollen competition
i think this is one of the coolest and strangest
buildings i will work on
just four months ago it was a nuclear plant
now...a ski jump.

it's been 2 months that i worked on it
and it was such a relief to finish
it felt odd after
my teamates and i didn't know what
to do with our lives anymore it seemed
or maybe we were just too tired to care
what was next

it was fun
i've opened my own eyes
on what i can do
and that is the best part

halfway there

somehow i wish to be back home
to celebrate with you
to be happy for you
to live the moment
enjoy it...
always remember
that your efforts pay off
that when you feel tired
and that the road is endless
light is just at the end
be patient and discover that
surprises await you when you least suspect and doubt
and that is the greatest moment of joy
keep the faith

__________________________________________________


in the blink of an eye
it seems i will be leaving here
it seems i got here not long ago
and i will be heading back
to a familiar cycle

my eyes have been opened
and i've learned and experienced plenty
the venture to a once unknown city
has been more than smooth

through talk and questions with friends
i am reminded how blessed i am
to travel all the way here
to learn to live to experience
some may find it odd how i can spend so much time
on something with no monetary payback
honestly it's a leap of faith
that has been enjoyable and memorable so far
i thank my support network
and those willing to be friends
with someone here for a short three months

it's funny...
i needed a bike...i got a bike from a coworker...
i needed a ricecooker...i got a rice cooker from a friend...
i needed a church...i got a church...
i needed a friend explore the city...i met friends...
i needed a lamp...i now have 3...
i needed furniture...there's furniture in the courtyard...
i needed the word...it was read and discussed...
and even when i write it out here...
i am amazed...
the lord provides

i discover that sometimes i miss out
when i don't participate...

i find i'm the observer
quiet...watching...thinking...

as this journey continues...

from oslo to milan

i'm so tired right now

it's been an exciting weekend

it all started at 4:30 at work
or what copenhageners call 16:30
the project leader is called
the boss' office
and five minutes later
i'm called into his office

'i'm thinking there are more than enough
people on the ski team
what do you think if you work on another project?'

i had a puzzled look on my face
and said
'i'd like to stay on the ski team
because i want to see the project finish'

he says
'okay then, lets make a deal.
we have a project competition for a milan museum,
can you come in on the weekend to work on it?
then on tuesday you can go back to ski.'

i didn't understand the deal
how would coming in on the weekend
allow me to work back on ski?
i didn't want to give up ski...
but now that i look at it...
maybe i do.

however
i said
'i'd like to finish ski
so yea sure i'll come in on the weekend
to work on milan.'

deal

then jds explains the project to me
and it's not bad
quite interesting

the thing is
due monday
we have two people including me
to work on it

i had friday night
saturday and sunday
i was in charge of the model

and as some of my archi friends know
i'm not a frequent model building
although i should be
i'm up for the challenge
to see if i can actually do it

i go back to meet my ski team
they looked puzzled
i looked distraught
i tell them the story
they say 'this is a test'
haha...
and so my ski coworker says
it's a good opportunity to work
so close with boss
and you have a good partner to work with

weekend plans cancelled
all cancelled...
sleep is set to minimum.
food is always bought from a restaurant.

and friday night goes to 1:30am in the office
with my italian architect coworker
how do they get licenced to quickly in europe!?!?
north american standards take min 11 years to be licenced
europe...6-7?

no too much is done that night
i get an understanding of the museum
and the site
and the design

work starts at 11am on saturday
others are also working at the office
on other projects

boss gets in a little later
and tension begins
build faster
cut faster
breathing in toxic foam fumes

i didn't think i could cut nice angles
for the foam site model
after some lessons from other coworkers
they become easy
and so did circles
buildings all cut out for site model saturday
i work to 2:00am

sunday comes along
and work starts again at 11am
boss is not in today
the two of us produce
and things get done
i keep cutting
and gluing
and on go the trees
the people
the cars

i've only seen these models on the website
and then i realized
now i'm making them myself
how cool is that
site model is finished at midnight
and it's time to take night photos of the model
with the lights inside
it looks good
i'm relieved
sunday night goes to 3:00am
and the birds start chirping at 3:30am
because the sun begins to light up the sky

monday
i get in at 9:15am
the project is due
i meet the boss on third floor
where he is taking pictures of the model himself

'very good,
you did a nice job on the model'
in his belgium english accent
i was relieved
then he goes
'!#@#@ #$#@#%, this camera doesn't work'

then monday morning i move to drawings
colour
draw
copy paste
render
extrude
we get close to submission
and i could smell the ending
of this short but extremely long
project charette of 3 days
and what an experience it is.

boss works on the drawings himself
give me this
give me that
can you do this
do that
how about this
how about that
save it and let me work on it
it's strange to see the boss
work on it
and he made images look much better
he has some sort of formula.

we print
and off it goes to milan.

copenhagener

what makes a dane a dane?

the blond hair
the bikes
the smorrebrod (pronounced 'smoeurbud')
the super hard to speak language
all of the above...

today i'd just need to dye my hair blond
and i would be on my way

very excited to get a bike today
i was riding circles in our office courtyard
and i felt like a kid again
i'm still quite rusty at it

so today instead of taking 7 min
to walk home from work
it took 3 min to bike home

chinese have their dim sum
danes have their smorrebrod (open sandwich)
i had my frokost (lunch) smorrebrod today
the bread they use here is really interesting
and by interesting i mean
grainy and dense
this is definitely no white bread
it's filled with grains and seeds

they say it makes you full
and you won't go hungry so fast
very true...

one of my dane coworkers
smears pate (liver paste)
onto his bread (the dense kind)
squeezes mayo in a swirl
and cuts with sissors
green onions on top
and eats 4 slices for frokost

chinese have dimsum.
haha...

'work'

my team

my spot

'work' has been strange

because it doesn't feel like work

it feels like i'm in school

working on a school project

a group project

however there's a boss

or somewhat of a professor

who critiques your work when he has time

______________________________________________

you woke the morning up

running off the darkest night

the longest light i've seen

here goes a chance i know

cashing in on all my chips

let all my ships come fly

these days

a little bit longer than the last

and all of your ways

a little bit stronger than the past

and your light

found my bottle in the night

kept me in this fight

gave me second life

and i won't back down

i won't turn around and around

doesn't matter what comes crashing down

i'm still gonna stand my solid ground

you found me once and for all

i laid it down in the sinking ground

the hopeless undertow

singing out the gentle sound

rattling through my smoking screens

my broken dreams last night

hallelujah ripped through my veins

i heard the hammer drop

my blood in the rain

hallelujah came like a train

when all is lost

all is left to gain

mat kearney

won't back down

sufficient

another weekend passes...

it's been a very different one this weekend
from the ones months past

home is far away
and i'm glad my home away from home
is sufficient

______________________________________________


today the speaker at church asked
what do you miss most when away from home
in a foreign country

family
friends...

then came food
and everyone laughed

it was a far more emotional service
than i've ever experienced before
and i'm really thankful for the people there
i can't help but feel at home
in the house of the lord even far away from home

the songs were familiar
and the loving nature of people
is again brought to life
and refreshed my memory as i often forget

______________________________________________


i now have much more free time...
no commute to and from work
no driving here and there
no frequent appointments

and this free time on my own
causes my mind to drift
a lot of the times
i'll play music or a tv show to drown it out

______________________________________________


a simple message from a friend today
reminded me of a something i once did
which was of not much significance to me
but it was remembered by someone
and brought up a year later

out of office

more billede

my copenhagen coversation

i'm not used to the drinking champagne and getting a massage

the impromptu masseuse is my competition project teamate

been 5 days in copenhagen
all things beautiful

i've walked for 5 hours today
i should probably get a bike

the office was invited

at a furniture store showroom opening

my coworkers they're all young
the boss is probably turning 32 this year

and from different places
all across the map
we've got peru
germany...france...usa...
canada...china...belgium...
greece...portugal...denmark...
sweden...mexico...

all different variations of english

i don't get paid
and even when my coworker gets paid
she said
'it's enough to pay rent and food...
but i still have to borrow from my parents'

the office is relaxed
people get in at 10-12
i get in at 9:30 and it seems late for me

i wonder how jds still has things in the office
with so many interns in and out

i have to use my own computer
they installed the latest programs that i use into it

everybody's too cool
i'd say their style is grungy
they don't pull up their pants
is that in again??
sometimes you see things you don't wanna see....
PULL UP YOUR PANTS!!!??!

i'll be severly craving some real food
when i get out of here
the food has been such a disappointment....

there are few good and cheap places...
and people are willing to pay for what they get...
just like design stuff

i haven't had a danish or butter cookie yet
where are they?!?!?
it's not popular among the locals

one person asked if i ate maple syrup everyday
i would if i ate pancakes and waffles daily
they've got a health and environmental craze going on
plastic shopping bags at grocery store cost 50 cents canadian
and so i will need to bring my own bag
they should just use a biodegradable bag

2nd day copenhagen

and i'm off

to work
and it's not work
it's fun so far
felt like school almost

there was a 1 hour sketch
meaning everybody in the office was
to design the facade of a bank project
in berlin

after the hour was up
we all got together and presented
and discussed our ideas
some are very cool
some alrite...
mostly avant garde
trying to push limits

and i'm working on a competition project
which is very interesting

i'm learning some danish...
but it's so hard to pronounce
augh

thank you is tak
that's all i can pronounce for now
sorry is undskyld
sorry's rough

i still have yet to discover the city
can't wait for the weekend

our firm is going on exhibition soon
in a BIG HUGE TENT
that will fit us...
and we'll be the exhibit...
not the projects...
but the people...
we'll be watched while we work
how we work
what we do
what we talk about
slightly akward
but very interesting

i've yet to take any pictures...

the weather here is very strange
5 min sunny
5 min rain
5 min hail
10 min sunny
5 min rain...
and onwards...

hopefully it can get warmer soon...

i'm off to take my danish shower.
you have to be here to know what that's like.
haha...

low fat

after my blood test with the doctor
he says everything is okay
cholesterol liver blood pressure
i'm not sure what other things get analyzed
during a blood test...

except your fat level is too low
too low?!?
haha...i thought... that couldn't be true
he said low is better than high

i guess i'll have to eat more fat
bring on the fat


_____________________________________________

feeling slightly queasy for my fast approaching
upcoming departure

i avoid packing by doing work
i avoid work by packing
the tug of war continues.

i avoid both by daydreaming.
one more day before i fly...
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

getting things in order
tying up loose ends
saying goodbyes

i'll be gone for only 90 days
i'll come back speaking some danish
i read that to speak danish
you got to imagine a hot potato
in your mouth
i'll come back from my first independant
venture in my life
i'll come back with a new view on architecture
i'll come back with valuable experience
and
i'll come back with souveniers...
don't worry

toss and turn

today was my last day at zeidler...
too bad...
it was good there...
i got along with people...
they knew who i was...
and now i had to leave...

people i saw more than i saw
more than anybody else
these four months

it was a good last day
leaving is always bittersweet...
definitely will miss people there

in the back of my head
i was very glad i don't have to commute
and sleep early wake early

then again i still have to deal
with another project going on
which is tough...
because a lot rests on my shoulders
and deals with situations i'm unfamiliar with...
learn as i go along though...

then again
i'm leaving soon
which is very bittersweet
augh...
this constant flurry of bittersweetness
is annoying
and hard to deal with
half the time i stare into nothingness
daydreaming...
thinking...
wondering...

it's been a great four months.

i can't help but want everything
to be going well for everybody
all the time.
something impossible i strive for.

i want to know
that everything is alright while i'm here
that everything will be alright when i'm gone.

i want to let you know that everything will.
i just hope i will be.

life in lyrics

i've been twisting and turning
in a space that's too small

james morrison
the pieces don't fit anymore

____________________________________________


no parachutes
no safety nets here
one foot on the water to face these fears
i'm coming out strong like i can't be wrong
i said hey i won't stall in the middle

cause you know you broke the hardest part
you know you broke the hardest heart
i'll never let this love fall in the puddle
through it all

mat kearney
in the middle

____________________________________________

it's late and i'm feeling so tired
having trouble sleeping
this consant compromise
between thinking and breathing

corinne bailey rae
trouble sleeping

____________________________________________

let me show you
what i'm made of
good intentions are not enough
to get me through today and this life

you can run from me
you can hide from me
but i'm right beside you
in this life

i'll give you all the things that i can never get
give you all i have and have no regret
take you to the places i've never been
forgive you all the things that you can't forget
take away the pain with my healing hands
wash away your sins and set your spirit free

chantel kreviazuk
in this life

too many hills

and so the inevitable happens again
as i got sick last weekend
to the very familiar symptoms of the flu
i seemed to get better much faster
i just needed call in sick for two days

however it wasn't fully recovery
not even now.

i'm trying to finish one thing to the next...
as the chinese saying goes
one hill hasn't stopped...
another hill rises...
not sure if hill is the right
word to use...

i got three weeks before i fly
sometimes i begin to wonder
if it's worth all the trouble
going over there to work...
i guess i'll soon find out...

i begin to feel like
i need a daybook...
to schedule all this stuff...

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

good friday

did you ever wake up in and out of darkness
on a boat her veiled winds at your back?

sunny faded picture from your memory
jagged ridge for your path

were you lost inside the dream of another's choosing?
did the rhythm of your days become your foe?

were countless hours of pity like a blanket
that covered up the daylight from your soul?

were you hopeless at the thought of ever loving?
were you hounded by the curses in the dark?

did you ever give until you just quit feeling?
a castaway with a bottled heart

did you ever think the worst was bout to happen?
the river rise and waters of the flood

honestly another name for heartache
and fear like starlight shining from above

are you in the eleventh hour of your desperation?
can you dig through the tunnel and break through the night?

are you ready for the loosening of your chains?
that catch you in the shadows of your time

red guitar - ode to lonely

______________________________________________


trying to power away
to cross things listed on the list...
at least i'm getting somewhere...

it's a good friday...
time now is to spend remembering
why this friday is so good.

thank you for the cross.

signed up

'congrats on finishing the competition
and getting your life back!

until you sign up for the next crazy thing
to take over your life that is.'

as my friend wrote to me just a month ago...
and so the next crazy thing has taken over my life

working at one job is never enough for me
now i have 2...

i tell myself i can't miss opportunities like these
and then i come back to reality
and realize what these opportunities mean in reality

the opportunity is as follows:

$5.2 million mansion
requires $2 million in renovations
and the owner as now asked me to do it.

find an architect...
work with the architect through all phases
design with the architect
and report back to him
until it is complete.

seems like i landed my first contract.
a $2 million contract.
nothing is set in stone yet
and many things are still up in the air.

but the thing is...
i'm leaving to copenhagen in may
and i have to go back to halifax
in september
how am i supposed to work on this?

thus the 'crazy' thing
as it exists now as my new 'side' job
i've had many 'side' things

i remember in 2005
where i was working 3 jobs
1 main 2 sides

that was when i just got back
from my 5 week backpacking in europe

my health suffered

as one thing goes up...
others go down...
it all balances out doesn't it...

well as this is now going up...
what is going down...

as i begin to think about
my current main job
and then planning my copenhagen adventure
and the side job
the backburner is now school...

school being
the 6000 word work term paper...
and thesis research and topic creation...

many things...
one at a time...
it's just the beginning
of the next crazy thing
that i've signed myself up for.

don't lose heart

therefore
since we are surrounded by
such a great cloud of witnessess
let us throw off everything
that hinders and the sin
that so easily entangles

and let us run with perseverance
the race marked out for us
fixing our eyes on jesus
the pioneer and perfecter of faith

for the joy set before him
he endured the cross
scorning its shame

and sat down at the right hand
of the throne of god

consider him who endured
such opposition from sinners
so that you will not grow
weary and lose heart

hebrews 12:1-3

gaining

today i notified my employer that i would be leaving
it took me the whole day
to sum up the courage
and to finally figure out to say
when asked any question whatsoever

may 6th to copenhagen
who's joining?

i've gained 7 pounds since i got back to toronto
must be all the eating...haha
and sitting at work...
and driving...
too much food!

________________________________________________


what am i to you
what are you to me
are we getting better
or did we used to be

what if the song
we used to sing

where are the souls
we used to carrying

what is a sail
without a hurricane

what is a hurt
without someone to blame

show me the sky
and i'll climb the stair

give me something
cuz i'm losing air

give me what it is you believe in
i give to you my truth
i got all my faith in you
i don't know which way we are going
doesn't matter anyway
just as long as you will stay

tell me the word
and i'll shout it out

for what is a voice
when in doubt

the world is changed
the world will change