haha

patio of cafe in paris

need holidays

yea...that's right
i need holidays.

i had one already?
haha...i took one when i went to europe?
i don't know if i can classify that as a holiday

finally got 8 hours of sleep
as the doctor ordered
and i got my blood test

headed to the beach for a perfect relaxing day
the water was clear
the air was fresh

your smile warms my heart
_________________________________________

today's the last day
thanks.

ever grateful
how gracious
how abundant
i ask for a ray
and you give me the sun

yet another farewell

yet another farewell gathering yesterday
i was going through in my head the friends that have left
that will leave soon
and that will leave toronto eventually in the coming years

bye for now o!

and one by one my best friends passed through my mind
they will almost all be gone somewhere else...

it's been bugging me for quite a while now

i have a dream of having friends who i've grown up with
who have known me ever since i was 3 or 4 feet tall
and knowing them throughout life
_______________________________________

long ago my friend was talking to me about something

don't you ever wish that you could be somebody else for a few days?
or live like other people live for a few days?

sure i would

ever hear a famous person wanting so bad to be a normal average person?
left alone from the world

not that i want to be famous
i would like to be someone other than myself somedays

live through other people?

sounds like someone who's yet to be comefortable with themselves
i'm getting better

not the same

if my mind wasn't messed enough...
i forgot to turn my phone back on last night
and i was waiting for my mentor to call me
whoops...
but i got her message in the morning and gave her a call
she said everything went really well...
then she gave me a surprise (not that kind)

augh

if my mind isn't messed enough

you're leaving too?
maybe i never believed that it would come true
and now you make it sound so forthcoming

what will become of us when you're not here?
i don't want to think of it
i know already that we will not be the same

i will miss the laughs, the sudden outbursts
the big and thoughtful heart
one who i've seen change over so many years
so many years

i don't know if i'll be prepared for the day

teary eyed in the office...

no other way

waiting...waiting...

does all stop from here?
all the excitement?
all the pressure?
all the fun?

i know it doesn't
although it feels like i've overcome something

the 31 days are almost up

i've done so well.
never on my own.

though the song in my head keeps repeating

when your mind is a mess
so is mine
i can't sleep
cuz it hurts when i think
my thoughts aren't at peace with the plans that we make
chances we take
they're not yours
they're not mine
there's waves that can break
all the words that we said
and the words that we mean
words can fall short
can't see the unseen
cuz the world is awake

and i know that if i knew
all of the answers i would
not hold them from you
know all the things that i know
we told each other
there is no other way

well too much silence can be misleading
you're drifting i can hear it in the way that your breathing
we don't really need to find reason
cause out the same door that it came well its leaving its leaving
leaving like a day that's done and part of a season
resolve is just a concept that's as dead as the leaves
but at least we can sleep
its all that we need
when we wake we will find
our minds will be free to go to sleep
__________________________________________

'test me in this and see if i will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.' malachi 3:10

my dear child, i still have floodgates in heaven, and they are still in service. the locks open as easily as before, and the hinges have not grown rusty. in fact, i would rather throw them open to pour out the blessings than hold them back - if you will only let me.

i have asked for a cupful, while he owns the entire ocean
i have asked for one simple ray of light, while he holds the sun

smiling

smiling.

in the day you'll catch me many times smiling at what i'm thinking about.

and today has definitely been worth smiling about.
i have plenty that i want to write.
i got about 30 min to spare and i'm gonna use it to write

what do i cut out when i'm pressed for time?

• my hair doesn't get cut
• i don't eat breakfast
• my fingernails are not cut
  
• i haven't been grocery shopping
• i've cut down on exercise (if any at all)
• i cut down on eating
• even take showers in the morning to save time
• i don't watch tv
• on reading

now that i have time, i'm not doing any of those things
_______________________________________________

high strung.

what is being high strung?
every strike a guitar cord?
and it vibrates so rapidly?
like a cord, people can be called high strung.
architects/designers are typically known to be high strung, i know a few.

i agree that my parents are high strung
yet completely know how to relax
we discussed it yesterday

i said i get it from both my parents
my mom's a perfectionist
my dad does things so fast
both highly demanding
both incredibly great at what they do

the family has worked very hard to become what it is today
we all contribute to do our share

sex: m

1. birthday？ 21.08.82
2. signs of the zodiac？ leo
3. occupation？ architorture
4. glasses？ yes and contacts
5. earrings？ no
6. current watch brand？ kenneth cole
7. short/long hair？ short
8. dyed hair color？ no
9. favorite colour？ orange
10. dieting？ i hope not
11. favorite food？ chinese
12. least favorite food？ dried oysters
13. favorite snack？ french fries
14. favorite drink？ milk green tea
15. favorite store/restaurant？ ikea/edo
16. drink？ occassionally
17. last cd purchased？ architecture in helsinki – fingers crossed
18. recent favorite song？ no other way – jack johnson
19. favorite singer？ jack johnson
20. when k-ing, song that you must sing？ something by eason
21. which concert to attend？ faye
22. play instrument？ nope…but i know how to appreciate them
23. favorite type of movie？ comedy
24. movie @ home/theatre ? theatre
    
25. most recent watched movie？ war of the worlds
26. thoughts afterwards？ don’t waste your money
27. most anticipated movie？ none
28. most remembered movie？ shrek 1
29. favorite actor？ my boss, some of my coworkers…haha
30. watch scary movie alone？ no
31. favorite movie quote？ not good at remembering what is said in movies
32. favorite mangaka？?
33. favorite animation？ peanuts
34. favorite animated character？ linus
35. most recent book purchased？ the curious incident of the dog in the night-time
36. favorite author？ mitch albom
37. next book for purchase？ something related to architecture
38. subscribe to magazine？ dwell
39. book that must be read？ bible
40. favorite type of clothing accessory？ me
41. favorite brand？ i’m not about brand
42. brand not worth the $？ plenty
43. deciding factor when purchasing clothes？ do i need it?
44. current cell phone？ ericsson t610
45. current ring tone？ spring thaw
46. items must bring when leaving the house？ brain, keys, cell phone, wallet
47. game consoles？ ps2
48. favorite type of game？ rpg
49. ideal place (country) to visit？ switzerland
50. favorite symbol that represents you？ happy smiley
51. collections？ peanuts, architecture stuff
52. favorite saying？ haha
53. posters in your room？ not in my bedroom, back the bid…london, god is good
54. ugliest decor at home？ anything not modern…haha
55. most wanted furniture？ comfortable sofa
56. least favorite type of ppl？ judgemental...but then i'm supposed to be cuz i design? so nevermind
    
57. language to learn？ manderin
58. anything weird about yourself？ sure
59. love = important？ yes
60. further quality of your other half？ sincere
61. want to get married？ sure
62. favorite season？ summer
63. favorite flower？ sunflower
64. favorite festival？ christmas
65. believe in fortune telling？ no
66. phobias？ deadlines
67. what is happiness？ being completely comfortable with myself/yourself
68. most important thing in the world？ God
69. do you believe in God？ yes
70. where will you be.. after you die？ heaven
71. live by motto？ only a life in the service of others is worth living
72. dream？ living in a house designed by me
73. specialties？ ?
74. way to make yourself feel better？ talking with other people
75. describe yourself。 linus
76. wisdom or good looks？ wisdom
77. which animal best represents you？ right now…panda
78. if you can choose, what nationality will you choose next life？ european
79. anything to say？ is work over yet?
80. current time？ 3:30pm
81. finished.. your thoughts？ this is far from knowing me...good start though! i don't really know myself that well either.

a prayer away

office 9-5

my unrest has brought me to the doctor and medicine once again
overly anxious, i don't want to say, but stressed
_________________________________________

what can take a dying man and
raise him up to life again?
what can heal a wounded soul?
what can make us white as snow?
what can fill the emptiness?
what can mend our brokenness?

mighty, awsome, wonderful
is the holy cross
where the lamb lay down His life
to lift us from the fall
mighty is the power of the cross

what restors our faith in God?
what reveals the Father's love?
what can lead the wayward home?
what can melt this heart of stone?
what can free the guilty ones?
what can save and overcome?

by chris tomlin
_________________________________________

you're only a prayer away

happy to be

happy i am for this person to come into my life
i knew something special was there the moment i saw her

the more i discovered, the more i fell
________________________________________

ouch! something inside is hurting!
i don't know what it is...
it's not usual that i get pain after eating.

'get more rest' everybody says.

and i say 'no, how can i rest?'

i fell asleep on the couch for a few minutes
cuz i couldn't really work with the constant pinching pain
around the stomach area.
augh...it's still there.

beautiful day today.

really, i wish i could rest.
uhggggg...

dream come true

**warning** system overload

entering a dangerous state

as i sat down at the table today, after work, with my mentor,
one of the most amazing people i know...if i haven't mentioned already
i was nervous

i didn't have a lot of work done
i knew it
i was already working all my hours...

it felt so unreal.
me? at the table with my mentor, this great, great architect
i was astonished

i felt somewhat ashamed of what i brought to the table...
is that all i had?

we talk, we laugh at our crazy ideas...
and not a single word of negativity is spoken.
at the art supply store, she saw i got a tad anxious
she said 'don't stress it, i don't want you to'
haha...see can see right through me
most likely due to the end of the work week after a long day at the office
working on a boring...ugly project
i absolutely looked forward to meeting with her.
after all, it's design work

i watched her sketch...and i was again, so astonished.
by watching her sketch, i was learning
how fast and how nice they are

the ideas kept flowing out of her...
and me? my brain was not too functional
i was exhausted, but resisted to show any sign

the people at work don't come close to being like my mentor,
far from

she said, 'so what do you think?'
i said 'i can't even believe i'm working on this project with you.'
she says, 'it's just the beginning, there are many great things that are going to happen with you.'

haha...what? how many people would even say that

it's like a dream come true.
blessed by a beautiful soul.
one that is extremely talented.

i will now attempt to sketch like my mentor does
and truly a mentor she is.

early morning

wearing down
wearing out

hey...i like it at least
so it's okay

create a set of working drawings...week and half left
augh...

i can't really remember all i've learned yesterday...haha
some people i'd like to talk to

somebody just told me to go to the beach...
ah....that would be nice...
_____________________________________________

so now it's 7...just got home...took a shower
and back to the computer,

'we'll go over the work tomoro, after lunch,' my coworker said
sounds good, if only i can pull off the work

save some for tomoro
or else i would have nothing to do the next morning
or...no sleep

very glad it's a friday tomoro

mr working man

triple yikes

piling it on...
when i thought i was at my limit...
stuff continues to be added to the list
ten fold

very nerve racking yet exciting

they give me so many new things to do...
so i just gotta keep on top of it

and the deadlines are so fast.
these couple of weeks i may disappear into thin air.
i need more time...
studio and work...

i get to be second designer
and i get to head a project!

when the doctor told me to get more rest...
now i can't really see how that will happen.

i haven't got more rest than when he first told me anyways.

just don't crash.

the clouds part

it's like having the best slice of pizza in the world

the light visible
how amazing you are.

the words will flow,

what makes this time so great
who makes me feel so great

my hands grip hold the edge of the earth
i pull myself out
i look around
everything seems fresh
like coming out of the grave

a blend of all my favourite things
of all my favourite things
of sights, of sound, of taste, of people

meeting and finding unexpected - rare opportunity
a stroll in perfect weather through a memorable art exhibition
savouring the best cake in town
a phone call i was happy to receive and make

thinking i would need to cook my meal at home
i enter the door
and join my brother and his friends for dinner

i didn't have the best slice of pizza this day
but everything combined today may even surpass
having the best slice of pizza in the world
which i had in florence.

the clouds part,
is the light too bright for me?

going out of service

so so tired.

worth it though?
i ended that with a period at first...
then changed it to a question mark.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i need to sleep!
@$#%$#%

how to get stuff done after work...when i'm a complete wreckage.

i enjoy working on the project at the office...
it feels like i'm in studio
and i'm talking to professors.
discussing ideas...throwing things back and fourth
now it's business
and pertains to something that might actually happen.

i get to discuss one on one on how the building should be layed out.

i'm beginning to think i need a stronger input on this project,
because there's no strong theoretical basis for the design yet...
and all those years of school are coming into such great use.

if i put more effort into it...although exhausted,
i think maybe we can win the clients over.

i'm glad that the company appreciates my help.
and values me working there.

weekend...weekend...where are you...

what if

where am i?

my health is plummeting,
and i had no idea
i was compromising my well being

not clear of exaclty what's going on
since i didn't get the message myself

the remedy?
more rest the doctor ordered.

more rest???
how unrested am i?
my vision is quite blurry right now.
does that mean i need rest?
i'm beginning to see double
ay...
but i do get 7 hours of sleep each night.
that is a consistent 7 hours a night.
no naps.
that's more than plenty of people right?

i don't know,

i thought yesterday what if...
what if i had something really bad,
would i be afraid?
easily i told myself no.

d really needs to rest.

another summer day on upper road

another summer day
has come and gone away
in paris and rome
but i wanna go home

maybe surrounded by
a million people i
still feel all alone
i just wanna go home
oh i miss you, you know

and i've been keeping all the letters that i wrote to you
each one a line or two
'i'm fine baby, how are you?'
well i would send them but i know that it’s just not enough
my words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

another aeroplane
another sunny place
i'm lucky i know
but i wanna go home
i've got to go home

let me go home
i'm just too far from where you are
i wanna come home

and i feel just like i'm living someone else's life
it's like i just stepped outside
when everything was going right
and i know just why you could not
come along with me
but this was not your dream
but you always believe in me

michael buble - home

i heard this song first when i was in europe,
and the lyrics hit dead centre.
_________________________________________

good cartwheeling...
and tasty straberry cake? it's a melty cake...
we totally should open go for kick.
look what we can do! hahaha...
i've never seen anything like it!

le wo la ch lu
haha...what the?!

gotta come up with the best team name
i wonder how this will all turn out.

i must get work done today.
_________________________________________

i'm going by the upper road, for that
still holds the sun,
i'm climbing through night's pastures where
the starry rives run
if you should think to seek me in my
old dark abode,
you'll find this writing on the door
'he's on the upper road.'

lounging

distillery district

_______________________________________

i'm doing well,
very well.

it's gonna all be okay...i can feel it.
_______________________________________

it's another one of those do nothing, catch up with myself kind of days.
though the procrastination constantly follows

how nice it is just to lounge outside without a care in the world.

i spent most of my day loading all of my music on my new creative.
thanks to my brother.
5 gigs of music...

_______________________________________

work is fun...
so i'll be working on the distillery district project!!!
along with the designer (who just came back from climbing everest)
that will be awsome.
and now i'm designing some signage...
so i'm not a full time cad monkey!