my day off

with a whole lot of mixing up
days
weeks
thankfully not months...

the funny thing is calling my brother
on the day before his birthday
wishing him a happy birthday
thinking it really is his birthday
with him saying...it's not today.

and telling everybody that my ski trip happens
one week earlier than it really is...

finally i have a day off...
19 days straight...
back to work on sunday tomorrow...
i had to ask to have today off
or i would be presumed to be working...

what will make this worth it
is that if we win the competition...
i'm not sure the design is strong enough...
and when one starts doubting
there's trouble

^O^
big yawn
tired...

work consists of building models...
drawings...sketching...
eating out...
shopping...haha
smores pizza for breakfast
complimentry of some company
lunch and learn
doing things 'immediately'
up and down stairs
printing...a lot of printing
a lot of 'can i go now'
'is it lunch yet?'
please don't look for me at 5:30
to ask me to do more...

balance has been something
i've thrown out the window...
i'm absolutely off balance right now

and work is constantly infiltrating my mind
i've made it personal...
i've taken it home...
i've taken it everywhere...
and it has taken over me.
now i can't wait till the competition ends...
then i can have regular work...

then it's planning the trip to copenhagen!
which i'm somewhat in the midst...

sleep time.
well...after some apple pie...
and some page flipping...

days past

how fast people change
and the measures taken to
become somebody else

have you convinced yourself
that you are already better than you once were
have you forgotten who you were before
do you remember how you acted
towards the same person
1 month
3 months
6 months ago

do you remember what you cared for
who you talked with
what your goals were
what made your day

as i can't ask for more
of what i'm doing
where i'm going
i sometimes want to relive
the days past

week no end

hai...
i just found out that i'll be
working in the office this weekend
it wasn't a surprise...
though when you hear it
all your energy drops

i asked what time...
at least it doesn't start at 9:00...
11:00 is good enough for me

a walk in the park

physically and emotionally tired...

i don't know...

have you ever been a terrible person?
yet didn't realize it.
today i was one.

a kick in the head
returned a slap in the face

the foot had no intention
the hand slaped to hurt

the sting is there for both
it pains for the unknown

i have you lord
to accompany me in my misery
when i feel like dirt
lord you remind me
of all the good things
to be thankful for

be the best person you can be
everyday.
do what you can
everyday.

yet i'm a helpless idiot
verbally damaged...

pick up the pieces
walk back into the light

everyday new experiences
surprises caused by myself

_____________________________________________


i haven't laughed in a while
right now...
i can't even fake a smile...

it get's so dark that i can't see
every dark cloud
has a silver lining
i'm waiting for the sun to shine
i'll wait until the day i die

i'm tired of living in the shadows
but i'm not giving up on me
i can't worry about tomorrow
or what each new day is going to bring

_____________________________________________


working 7 days a week eh...
hai...
for the time being...
i dug the hole
i've got to crawl back out.
alive that is...

_____________________________________________


some days...
all your accomplishments mean nothing

_____________________________________________


i sat upon the roof
and stared the stars down
for a reason why
or something i can do
everything that mattered yesterday
so far now...

sleep gets just a little easier...

zzzzzeidler

not able to fall asleep every night
for the past week
too much stress?

my holidays have been over for a while now
it has been very devoid of architecture

work started on monday
didn't have too much to do yet
until today
which i volunteered myself
to work on a competition that
the firm has been shortlisted on

thankfully it will be paid...
probably less than normal...
but he said competitions are usually
volunteer unpaid work

i think it's because this competition
means a lot to the firms reputation in the city
and it's an important one to win

i'm very excited to be a part of it
yet...it can't be part of my
9-5:30 monday to friday work
it must be after 5:30 monday to friday
and weekends.

the goal is end of this month...
deadline is mid february
results early march.

well...my energy is wearing thin
and it's been an unorganized first week at work
though things won't be getting much better at the office
i will get to work on something challenging and interesting

it's good to be working
on one of the most happening streets in toronto
it helps bring life back after work is over
there's so much food and shops around
it's great.

i'm not enjoying the commute and the 9-5
just isn't bringing much joy
and weekends seem to be written off...
the reason for my delay in writing is that
i don't get much time to just sit around...

yea...1am...friday night...
time...
saturday work...augh...

i hope my team members pull through...
it's gonna be a rough one
and i have high hopes...

my regular work
the 9-5 weekday
is currently a nuclear power station redevelopment
masterplanning and etc...
new buildings such as admin...
storage...labs...visitors centre etc...
interesting because there is a
significant focus on sustainability and
attempt in conveying that nuclear energy is
an environmentally friendly resouce
this project will be more organized starting monday.

and there's a ski trip organized by my office
on feb 2nd...
i haven't even skied before...
i would like to snowboard...
whoohoo...skiing...

new coworkers...
alrite...must go to sleep...

06-07

happy new year

2 0 0 7

___________________________________________________

2006 was a fast year

sick of being sick
this time the cold has caught me

my new years resolution will
be to boost my immune system
and to be healthy

in my time of third rest
the thought that i should be learning something new
working on something
being productive
crossed my mind ample times
in which my weak mind responded
i simply can't

yet when i can
i've go full out and exhaust myself

___________________________________________________

2006 realizations

everybody has their own strife and struggle.

sadly i find out all the time
how many people are better...faster
i know...
we all have our gifts.

it's always disappointing to find out
ones who do less work who don't try as hard
to do better by other means

the world isn't fair is it.

i've realized my shallowness
and my need to hold back
from everybody.

i've realized that if i don't part with myself to others
others will not part themselves to me.

i've realized that if i believe in something
with everything i have
i can accomplish it.

i'm not willing to participate in conversation
in many situations.

i'm willing to go far.

that my heart is no stronger
than my strength to hold back a smile.