courage

i was asked yesterday
if i wanted to live happily ever after...

i thought about...
and some more

and now...
perhaps
i'm thinking no
i don't

more and more i think about how i want to live
what i want to accomplish
and what it takes to accomplish it
even if
it means giving up a happily ever after
i think i'm willing
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one last night of fun and games
in my home town

summary of my 20 days back at home
going out too much...
not enough time for myself
that's what it's always like here
going out
meeting people
doing things
scheduling scheduling...and more scheduling...

whatever's left in the schedule
is my own time...
which is now...during 2am...3am...
i haven't had much sleep
nor am i in a working mode at this time of day

the table littered with all
that i know will be cleared in 2 more days

family has been more than awsome
likewise for friends
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i would never undo the past
that made me
even when the memories hurt
it would only make me feel worse
if i were to run away
time flies and wipes away
all my regrets

with courage in my name
it's time to for me to live up to it.

while it lasts

tell me your secrets
and ask me your questions
let's go back to the start
running in circles
coming up tails
heads on a silence apart

nobody said it was easy
it's such a shame for us to part
no one ever said it would be this hard

i was just guessing at numbers and figures
pulling your puzzles apart
questions of silence
silence and progress
do not speak as loud as my heart

nobody said it was easy

the scientist - coldplay
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3 days left...
arrrarrrrrrrrrr

this time around i think i
saw everybody i needed to see
did everything i needed to do
ate everything i needed to eat
completly overextended my bubble tea quota
once everyday is too much...haha

i haven't
slept as much as i needed to sleep
worked as much as i need to work
read as much as i need to read
who cares...

this summer back in halifax
i know will be filled with great times
back to the healthy lifestyle...

glad i get to come home often
or else my restlessness wouldn't end...
not that it has...haha...

back to the good ol' quiet town

chinese

though no school...no work...
there's still plenty to get done

trying to keep one whole day to myself
before i leave again back to the east coast
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had another great day walking through the city

and now...
now i'm trying hard to learn to read chinese
please help me...
i just ordered a book...
a chinese dictionary used to learn chinese
i hope it works

right now i'm memorizing some characters
trying to build my vocabulary knowledge as fast as i can

and also trying hard to build on my conversational manderin
i'm workin on it...

i really want to work in china
a great excuse to see east asia...
can't wait!

the work terms would
then allow me to learn to read chinese
learn to speak and understand manderin
and travel all over...
sounds too good

live on

blocked from all sides

plauged by restlessness
____________________________________________

things never happen like i wish they could
only in my dreams
i've never been willing to give up my heart
or let myself believe
but i have been waiting all of my life
and this time i'm hoping
holding out for you
to let me see the light

make me a believer for once in my life
right here and now
touch me somehow
i'm down on my knees
i don't know how but i'm ready to see
clear every shadow of doubt in my mind
because i want to believe
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spent an afternoon feeling sorry for myself
...whenever i have nothing to do
i sort of go into this state...
from solid to liquid to vapour

i was lifted after
returning to my fellowship
whom i haven't seen in four months
very glad to catch up with all of them
sort of forget of all my own
small and huge dilemmas

but come on...
what have i to fret...?

haha...so much...so much...
laughter covers pain
as a bandage to a wound
or as white out to mistakes

if only i could always remain laughing
...though not the way it's meant to be

i don't want the present to persist
and i don't want to relive my past
and i want to see the future as already over

i live to suffice your expectations
i try to make you feel better
i give to fulfill your needs

i need...i need
to live for a little more for myself...?

one part says yes
the other part says i haven't done enough...
or anything at all

eason chan

good seats...good times...
so glad that it's when i'm back in the city
ears are still ringing...

superb concert mr eason chan!
and mr lam chi cheung!

sore feet

another day in the great t-dot
went around handing out resumes
went back to the food place i would always go
for lunch during work
food so good

visited my past firm to catch up on the progress
and i wondered if i would ever go back there to work
i doubted that i would

looking to aim higher
and aim for more design opportunity

after wandering all over downtown
and taking my friend on a rye tour
had dinner in korean town

i think i'd like working again in this city
and not travelling somewhere else
not sure yet...

no hw to do...no work to do...
and waking up naturally in the morning
is one of the best things in the world...

in the city

AGO transfomation model by frank gehry

a building on sticks aka a cow on stilts by will alsop

ROM transformation by daniel libeskind aka crystal or gem
or aka eyesore...can't wait till this is done

to get into jap restaurant you must do this to the door handle
haha...too funny...had to take pic

on the menu...i didn't know that calamari had legs
maybe only the sexy kind...

started the day off with a trip to the AGO undergoing transformation
then into and through OCAD
then to the sandwich box to have a
portobello mushroom...bocconcini...smoked salmon focaccia
then walked along queen west
then through the eaton centre
then along yonge
into ryerson campus and through the archi building
then to yorkville
then passed the ROM undergoing transformation
then bloor street shopping
then more queen west
topped off with great authentic japanese cuisine

a great day to be in toronto

ends with a bang

did i write tomorrow?
i meant on tuesday the 11th of april
1:00am
haha

officially done
and ended the term with best day in halifax
thanks to jeb
got a chance to visit the best cove on the planet
peggy's cove

then to mahone bay
and then to lunenberg
couldn't have asked for a better day to go
no overly eager tourists everywhere

there was a great joy in handing in the portfolio
a letting go of a term
a way of summerizing
all that i've accomplished for 3 months
yea...it's only 3 month terms
for architecture students here
4 months for the rest

all the things i've done in these three months
have made me realize god's grace
in bringing me to this city
greatful for the people i've met at church here
here for his purpose
and really
who would have thought i would have
my first barbeque of the year in halifax
to kick start the barbequing
thanks again jeb

a much appreciated thanks to the drivers too

this weekend is one great way
of leaving the city and wanting to come back
very soon
with summer on its way

whats great is
that i'm doing all the things i want to in a day
i even forget the great food back at home
haha

food isn't even an issue
friends have cooked such great meals
and all the restaurants here are new to me
and great company makes the food all that much better
even when talking about the great food elsewhere...
didn't matter so much...
maybe because i'm having it tomorrow?
haha

i haven't done so much exercise in a month before
all the jogging and badminton
gives me all the more
excuse to eat more junk food and grease

i'd like another week here to enjoy
the end of term break
back home...looking forward to it
my bed...
and my brother's new home

halifax

this post is dedicated to
the greatness of halifax
all that i wanted home to be
lives in halifax

more tomorrow.
it's 4am...!!!

no doubt

i will not doubt though all my ships at sea
come drifting home with broken masts and sails
i will believe the hand that never fails
from seeming evil works to good for me
and though i weep because those sails are tattered
still i will cry while my best hope lies shattered
i trust in thee

i will not doubt though all my prayers return
unanswered from the still white realm above
i will believe it is an all wise love
that has refused these things for which i yearn
and though at times i cannot keep from griving
yet the pure passion of my fixed believing
undimmed will burn

i will not doubt though sorrows fall like rain
and troubles swarm like bees about a hive
i will believe the heights for which i strive
are only reached by anguish and pain
and though i groan and writhe beneath my crosses
yet i will see through my severest losses
the greater gain

i will not doubt anchored is this faith
like some staunch ship my soul braves every gale
so strong its courage that will not fail
to face the mighty unknown sea of death
may i cry though body leaves the spirit
i do not doubt so listening worlds may hear it
with my last breath

and then i was reminded
not to despair
because

how can others be helped
when you can't even help yourself

liberation

when writing history/theory paper

most critical diagram of my project as my critics say

building systems final project presentation...so much work...

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it's great to have non architectural things to do...
finally...

pay it forward

sore purple fingers
hands and legs shaking
hungry till not anymore
groggy till not anymore

breakfast lunch and dinner 8:30 dls time

it all has to happen at the same time
2 project submissions on a sunday
dls
elevator doesn't work
cutting till i couldn't cut anymore
rulers everywhere
paper
model materials
an architectural explosion

haha...enough of that
i made it

all that's left to do is
a presentation/crit tomorrow
and a portfolio by the 10th

today definitely didn't seem like a sunday
nor did i have a weekend
it feels like it should be the weekend starting tomorrow
i vaugely remember what i did the last two days

talking to people at school is hilarious
nobody has eaten...
nobody has really slept...
we talk to each other
not knowing what we're saying...
and respond with the same
blank faces all across the board
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pay it forward
ever watch the movie?
if not
rent it
awsome message

make a difference in the world