good food

i think this picture alone speaks volumes
of the great family dinner just finished

through the ordeal
i must admit that we've grown
to know one another more
and stronger together

if i were to use words to describe
it would be a team effort
to make a tasty home cooked meal

actually these dinners occur often at our house
nothing beats home cooking

at a celebration
before someone goes
when someone arrives
and especially when there are guests

most of the dishes above
are self explanitory
some of my favorites

i think i've had all i can eat this week
back at home

went for dim sum 4 days in a row
i don't think i'll need dim sum in another 2 months
i ate at home only 3 times
japanese food 3 times
and a total of 14 meals

went downtown
went to fmp
went to pacific
went to malls

i didn't get to see everybody
i'll be back in a month!
in april i'll have more time
and no work to do
nice...

back to halifax!

to my friend

________________________________________________

sometimes i think
'is it that hard?'
and simply the answer is
'no'

i would dig a hole
and jump right in

although it hurts
i would touch it
just to see if it's still hurting

i would jump into
a pool of sharks
just to see if they bite

although there will never be end
i will believe in one

if you want to let me
go on hurting
i will
i mind
yet i mind losing you more

it's not that hard
i know
you just don't want to

diagram

the diagram
the idea
the concept

rest

light of men
love of god
healing for the wounded heart

like a child
i quiet my soul
hear your voice
surround me lord

hold me into your heart
and all my soul delights
and i know you hear my prayer
take me deeper

glorious son
to you i shall bow
bow my knee
bow my will

cherished by the strong and the weak
humble heart shall hear you speak

by your love
lord you open my heart
now your light will shine always

by your word
your promise secure
and my soul will live always

in my restlessness
i will find rest in you

hot air

find your own purpose in doing everything that you do
b.w.

when there is too much nonsense
too much hot air
in the realm of architecture
refer to the quote above

some day you'll have that written in some book
haha...

this is family

as i could only wait to see
what would happen with this family feud

it seems like it was all a dream
and nothing happened
as a memory of a dream is ephemeral

just as a storm passes
this blew over
sunny skies lie ahead

as my parents and brother acted like children
i needed to be the adult
i'm glad they finally grew up
haha...

as i thought it would be so difficult to resolve
they resolve themselves

and finally we have dinner as a family
and it was good
and i'm glad that i came home

whatever wind blows my way
i've realize that i can handle it

as i continue to trust
knowing that it is of utter importance

if anything
this family
is forgiving
after all
this is family.

will be fine

riding on the calm of the storm
the eye of the storm

defenses have lowered
as i continue to mediate between my parents

soon enough
everything will be fine

what happened

sadly i have nothing to run to
but my cold computer

as the day went on
situations got worse

i feel i was the spark to
a mass storage of dynamite
__________________________________________

my brother says it's inevitable
he says this was waiting for everyone to be home
without communication
without understanding
this family is not holding together
and i don't believe any of them have been trying
to understand each others
i wish not to be included
and i can only grasp slightly what they are thinking

bandaged wounds only wait
to be torn off to reveal whats beneath

and as this bandage is now ripped off
i can only do my best to heal

yet my efforts are not enough
because the wounds are only dug deeper
how i wish they would help

why am i not returning to what i left behind
what have these two months brought in my home
that i don't know

if i didn't leave would it be like this
and when i leave
what will happen
i only have five days left to do what i can

and when i do leave
my heart will not get rest
i have no relief

waiting...
this was only waiting...
what can i do lord...
i simply don't know.

why can't we understand
why do we do this
what am i to do...

stop yelling
as one yell responds with another

not being yelled at
but as i keep absorbing
my damage only deepens

no one wants to give an inch
i'm sorry...
take my mile...

in through the door
and gone in five minutes

love you dad said
as i watched him drive away
with my strength drained
come back i said

as i don't know who to console
as i don't know how i can
as i don't know or care who is right or wrong
as i no longer know what to say
i can only ask for you all to pray

that's all i can do for now
what i only have strength for
i have to be strong for all of us
i must

should not be here

no...
i'm not supposed to be sitting in front of my computer
on my reading week back home from halifax

things have gone absolutely sour
and now i sit here
i have no mood at all to do anything
no fun or going out at all

the cause of all this is not lacking hot water
the hot water tank is no longer functional
and this brought about major
family issues

why did i even come home
my first thought was if i wasn't home
would this have happened?
i know i like to first blame myself

the story is
we discover there's no hot water
okay
i check it out

no hot water
my dad comes home
he can't fix it

call water company to fix it
so i call and they will be here
between 10-2
so i had to cancel my lunch with my
grandparents and sit at home to wait
not a problem
i reschedule lunch

my brother and i at home waiting from 10-2 to be fixed
would have went out to lunch together
after it was fix
but not anymore

then the person comes at 1:40 and says
that the entire water tank needs to be replaced
okay i was busy on the phone trying
to solve my inaccurate billing for my cell phone
brother talked to the repair technician

my brother is told that they will come
tomoro with a new tank to be installed
well okay
i'm not ticked
nor is my brother

i call to inform my parents
and my dad is completely thrown off
telling me that i should have demanded it
be fixed right away

i try to explain it to him how they can't
and he doesn't understand
so he hangs up
and so the first phone call ends

he calls back to ask me to call the water company
and demand that they fix it today

since i didn't talk to the technician myself
i hand the phone to my brother
which i absolutely regret now

my father being ticked
and my brother having many issues he's dealing with

my brother tries to explain how it can't be fixed today
my dad doesn't care
and hangs up on him

then my brother goes on a rampage
seeming like hell breaks loose from that point

i was shocked at how angry my brother got
and i wasn't too happy at how my dad delt with
both our conversations

so i felt the need to call him to tell him that
brother is really angry that he got hung up on
by his own father

and so i do call
but before that
my mom calls back
okay
my mom is not too happy that it will take
another day to fix...
but she can tolerate it
she has no big issues
and so i tell her the situation between my dad and brother
she laughs
and i tell her i'm going to call dad about it
and she already tells me that my dad will not
feel the least bit sorry

i think i have super human powers to mend
all situations and to bring order to the world

so i doubt my mom's way of thinking
and i call my dad trying to explain what
going on

i called telling him
brother's not too happy because you hung up on him
and that was the point he became very defensive
he says no i didn't hang up
the conversation was over

i tell him that he shouldn't do that
and he got more defensive
that we should understand him
and all the things he has to do
and that we shouldn't be upset over something like that
he lets no sympathy seep out of him

he was going to hang up
but i said you're not going to hang up on me
you will not

and so okay
he says that my brother and i are westerners
and that i need to talk to him in chinese
okay...sure
i didn't even notice that i was speaking in english

and then he goes on
saying that we should have delt with the water person better
and water this water that

and i say that it's not about the water
it's not about it being fix tomorrow or today
my underlying point is that
you shouldn't hang up on your kids

sure i understand how much you do
but it doesn't justify your actions

and he repeateldy asks
when do i know
this conversation is over?

and i was lost with my words
trying ever so hard to compose myself
i just said
we're your kids
and i didn't the chance to say
we're not your clients

conversation over

never having a conversation like that ever before
i have completely broken down

and my brother tops it off
by saying to me
'welcome home to the family'

thanks...made my day
made my entire week too

i should have never come back here

and i will not give up on trying
to mend a situation
and i'm not giving up on this one either

i'm not going to hold back on showing how
horrible they've made me

i've done so many times before
not tonight
_______________________________________________

other than all that crap i have suffered from my family

truthfully
they're actually great
with a major exception of today

who would have thought

who would have thought that

i would be making chinese dumplings with 12 people
i would learn german bridge
i would meet so many great people from all over the world
i would be having so much fun
that i will miss being in halifax
that i will miss going to c and c winter olympics
that you can learn to make pinapple bun
that there are typical chinese people here
i'm still up at 12:05 writing this
knowing that i have to wake up at 4:30 to catch a flight

_______________________________________________

my schedule for my first day

airport pick up
church
lunch
massage
haircut
home
wash clothes
set up
clean up
dinner
go for tea
sleep

with plenty of talk in between
and plenty of thinking...
it's great to be home.

wahaha...
sounds good to me
awsome.
_______________________________________________

a warm thanks to the readers of my thoughts
it's great to know
people care
what i share

may something be learned
and may i continue to learn

my meaningless chatter

it is only since i have been to halifax
that i feel this need to be immersed
into an asian society
and asian culture

it's got to me
all of a sudden i feel this need to be back
with similar people
strange how there's this need
of common ground
and sadly for a common skin colour

it hit me today
at the local bar with many from my class
that i don't connect
or simply i don't really care
and that it doesn't matter
a lot of meaningless chatter
is what i can't stand

______________________________________________

what i really need now is sleep
got four hours last night
the renovations in the apartment
have once again awaken
me at 8am sharp

i'm still completely tense
after a good beer
a good mint hot chocolate
a good mint chocolate biscotti
and a good spillage of the mind

need to hit the bed
______________________________________________

maybe it's up with the stars
maybe it's under the sea
maybe it's not very far
maybe this is how it's supposed to be

maybe it's trapped in a jar
something we've already seen
maybe it's nowhere at all
maybe this is how it's supposed to be

looking forward as we rewind
looking back is a trap sometimes
being here is easy to do
if you want to

drowning

where no one understands
counting the hours
i've been chasing
the answers
they don't want to be found

the same three notes
no longer bring tears
__________________________________________

stand by everything you said
stand by the promises we make
let go of everything i've done
i'll run into your open arms

and all i know
is that i love you more than life

fall back on everything you've done
fall back on everlasting love
when all the world is swept away
you are all the things i need

you're the air i breathe
and how can it be
that you are the one
on the cross
lifted for all our shame

and how can it be
the scars on your hands
are for me
__________________________________________

why am i designing an entire complex
aughhhh this is too much...
maybe i should have stuck with one building
a residential tower
low rise apartments
and a sunken theatre
are killing me

schematics due tomoro

scan those sketches in...
and remember to think about what to say
when presenting it...

i need another week at least

too weak to try

today so eager and bright
tomorrow too weak to try

this is life

took a nap today
which is unusual

and again it's sunny halifax!

one of those exaustion days
yea...everybody seems to be doing too much
here goes my rant again on doing too much
i hear it at least a few times a day
tired, no time, too much to do.
give me a break.
the sad truth is too sad.
wake up people.
i need to wake up myself.

handed in one group project
finally...
2 more to go.
______________________________________________

on a lighter notes
i'm considering going somewhere in asia to do
one of my work terms
which is four months
a really great excuse to travel
and see more of the tiny world we live in
but that will depend on me finding
an international firm overseas

lighter still
i can't wait to see you all
haha...looking very forward to that

overflow

and the water below gives a gift to the sky
and the clouds give back everytime they cry
and makes the grass grow green
beneath my toes
and if the sun comes out
i'll paint a picture all about
the colours i've been dreaming
of the hours that just don't seem enough
to put it all together
maybe it's as strange as it seems

and the trouble i find is that
the trouble finds me
it's a part of my mind it begins with a dream
and a feeling i get when i look and i see
that this world is a puzzle
i'll find all of the pieces
and put it all together
and then i'll rearrange it
i'll follow it forever
_______________________________________________

'your heavenly father knows.' matthew 6:32

a visitor at a school for the deaf was writing
questions on the board for the children
soon he wrote this sentence
'why has god made me able to hear and speak
and made you deaf?'
the shocking sentence hit the children like a cruel
slap on the face
they sat paralyzed ponderring the dreadful word
'why'
and then a little girl arose
with her lip trembling and her eyes swimming in tears
she walked straight to the board
pickin up the chalk
she wrote the words
'yes, father, for this is your good pleasure' matthew 11:26
it reaches up and claims an eternal truth upon
which the most mature believer
and even the youngest child of god
may securely rest
the truth that god is your father

_______________________________________________

chance has not brought this ill to me
it's god's own hand
so let it be
for he sees what i cannot see
there is a purpose for each pain

and he one day will make it plain
that earthly loss is heavenly gain
like as a piece of tapestry
viewd from the back appears to be
only threads tangled hopelessly
but in the front a picture fair
rewards the worker for his care
proving his skill and patience rare
you are the workman
i am the frame
lord for the glory of your name
perfect your image on the same
_______________________________________________

you made it all
said let there be
and there was
all that we see

you do all things well

spirit overflow
let me overflow

sunshine and potlucks

and i'll wait here a while
just long enough to be sure
that you didn't make a wrong turn
and i'll wait long enough
maybe an hour or two
before i decide it wasn't me
it was you

and i would like you to know
although it seems sad to say
this was the only worst hour of my day
the worst hour of my day

how long has it been on your mind
do you think about it when we laugh
i think it's a big mistake
because i think we can make it last
even if it's just for a while

and i'll wait here for now
just long enough to be sure
that you really want to go through with this
because i don't really want to go through with this
do you really want to go through with this
____________________________________________

halifax is potluck and sunshine city
because there isn't much to do in the winter here
there are many gatherings
which is great

had some great food and plenty of laughs
this is fun
and i walk instead of driving
only 2 minutes away
great

its funny how friends are made so quickly
in a smaller city
there's a connection
and a need to band together
did i mention it's great?
haha...anyways

i got plenty of work to do...
and i should really not write that
because i can't stand it
when people say that
or use the word 'busy'
or that there's so much to do
it becomes all consuming
it's true for me
but i don't like to say it
learning that there's more
and accomplishments
are only temporary
i think the word no longer needs to be used
because everybody is in 'busy' mode
it's only redundant
it sucks
think of one person who isn't busy
those are the ones who know how to live
thumbs up to them

relax a little

broken

with everything ahead of us
we left everything behind
but nothing that we needed
at least not at this time
and now the feeling that i'm feeling
well it's feeling like my life is finally mine
with nothing to go back to
we just continue to drive

i didn't know what i was looking for
so i didn' know what i'd find
i didn't know what i was missing
i guess you've been just a little to kind
and if i find just what i need
i'll put a little peace in my mind
maybe you've been looking too
or maybe you don't even need to try

with everything in the past
fading faster and faster until it was gone
found out i was losing so much more than i knew all along
because everything i've been working for
was only worth nickles and dimes
but if i had a minute for every hour that i've wasted
i'd be rich in time
i'd be doing fine

without you i was broken
but i'd rather be broke down
with you by my side
____________________________________________

no time is wasted
it is only wasted
thinking that it was

new jack johnson cd today
perfect on yet another sunny spring day

cheers

one of those days

more often than not
i write here on days not so great

thus today
this is all i will be writing on this
great spring day.

one of those days
...
can't ask for more.

keep pushing

a broken heart may
lead to eyes
that don't produce tears no more

when you close your eyes
who do you see
and when they are open
what do you see

when i close my eyes
who do i miss
and when they're open
what do i see

days will pass

and the one i miss
i have not seen or heard
i only know
......
__________________________________________

keep on pushing sir
where i don't know
i just know that i need to
what will this accomplish
i don't know
i just know that i need to

it's cold
it's heavy
keep pushing
that's all i need to know

just live

a strange week of discovery and frustration
ending with great sigh of relief knowing that
everything has ended well with getting to know
more people and new experiences

today marks one month in halifax
time to change those calenders of mine
to the next page
a new month
with a new picture...haha
ai...

what's all this discovery?
about the school and how it functions
honestly this school is not fairing so well
in terms of organization
many faults
probably being too used to
rye arch which in my mind is
an awsome archi minus the
abundant structure and services

and more of who i am
and why i fall asleep in every lecture
hahaha...
my lack of sleep
i catch up during lectures

i have no idea why i sleep so little
am i really doing work?
haha...

a bsi group that's turning out to not be entirely crap?
pardon the crap
i'm still not fully convinced.
they've now reached a stage of being alright

i'm just glad i now i have time tonight
just came back from a drinking party
got to know people who i would never
talk to at school which is great

and tomoro is a holiday
only in halifax though
monroe day
don't know who he is
but i'm glad he died and a holiday was made
cheers to monroe

experience it all
and you'll know why
you go through what you do
don't be afraid
don't hold back

my deep thought of the week
___________________________________________

'this is my doing.'
1 kings 12:24

i want you to learn when temptations attack you
and the enemy comes in 'like a pent-up flood' isaiah 59:19
that 'this is my doing'
and that your weakness needs my strength
and your safety lies
in letting me fight for you

are you in difficult circumstances
surrounded by people who do not understand you
never ask your opinion
and always push you aside?
'this is my doing'
i am the god of circumstances
you did not come to this place by accident
you are exaclty where i meant for you to be

have you not asked me to make you humble?
then see that i have placed you in
the perfect school where this lesson is taught
your circumstances and the people around you
only being used to accomplish my will

are you experiencing sorrow?
'this is my doing'
i am 'a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering'
isaiah 53:3
i have allowed your earthly comforters to fail you
so that by turning to me you may receive
'eternal encouragement and good hope'
2 thessalonians 2:16

have you longed to do great work for me
but instead have been set aside
on a bed of sickness and pain?
'this is my doing'
you were so busy i could not get you attention
and i wanted to teach you some of my deepest truths

i place a cup of holy oil in your hands
use it freely
anoint with it every new circumstance
every word that hurts you
every interruption that makes you impatient
every weakness you have

the pain will leave as you learn
to see me in all things

the joy of the lord is my strength.
great words.