interpret this

the agony of misinterpretation
the joys of interpretation

you? you is everybody.
not just you. you = everybody.
try to interpret that...even i don't understand what i just wrote.
interpreting things and coming to conclusions quickly is not a good thing. a strong and firm basis is needed.

just like in architecture...reason is needed. if there is no reason, then criticism comes left and right. if the reason is not proven, the same conclusion will be reached. which is no conclusion at all.

why did u say that?
o...because i thought it was true.
well it isn't
o...but i thought it was.
u mean u have a bedroom in the kitchen?
i thought that's what it read.
well did u read it carefully?
no.
did u interpret it correctly?
uh?
well don't bother reading it again because that will lead to further confusion.
okay.

end of discussion.

busy procrastinating

how are you? busy?

the inevitable is occuring in everybody's lives.
free time is becoming obsolete...all of it is scheduled.
busy? i no longer think that should be asked, or answered, because it is a cliche in our day.
no longer should we answer, yes, very busy. i does nothing to the person asking and the person replying. it's only useful when asked to do something. in that case you must answer carefully. don't take on more than can be handled.

we are no longer satisfied not being busy. i think that it is viewed that if you're not busy something's wrong, yet there is nothing wrong.

for me, rite now i am not free...i have plenty of stuff going on in the back of my head that needs to be done...

as my prof asked yesterday after class
are you busy?
no...i'm free i don't have anything after your class
well in that case, do you have 10 minutes?
yup...no problem...what do u need?

haha...one of my good buddies said i have a face that screams 'USE ME!'
in a sense i'm glad.

we live in a busy culture.
and i am busy procrastinating.

day in day out

the moon is full today...
happy moon day.

woke up
brushed those teeth
got dressed
ate oatmeal and 1/4 mooncake
subwayed
community outreach program class
listened to boring presentations
did a presentation
listened to boring presentations
helped professor with computer stuff
not the RA professor but the COP prof
offered the AA position
had to decline position
ate a mini muffin drank lemonade
went to buy a jacket
got jacket
subwayed
drove home
worked dead guy poster for RA prof
watched tv
now thesisizing.

on a more exiciting note...
o...wait...there is none.
happy moon day.

the fish in the sea

i look at her she stares almost straight back at me
but her eyes glaze over like she's lookin' straight through me

i'm just standing there
i can't say a word

it's hard to take
but her mind is made up

dry your eyes

walk away now.

better?

if only today were like every other day...

naa...that would be boring.

yesterday as i watched my first 'complete' episode of joey one of the messages really hit me...there i go again analyzing things for more...but didn't take much analysis to understand what it was trying to communicate. it far surpasses the modern day thinking back to the day of cain and able. trying to better another. and in cain and able's case, if you're not better, just kill the competition. however, that doesn't work, it didn't work then and it isn't going to work now. in these frustrating days of high levels of competition, one is bound to try their best at bettering on another. especially in a school setting as it was demonstrated in joey. we may go to different depths, sink to new lows to be better. in yesterday's episode, the conclusion was quite unexpected i think. they tried so hard at bettering one another and in the end, they found out that they both felt the same way. the other was always better in some way that they needed to catch up. we are all better at some things than another person no matter how we compare. this is the way it seems at school. to better or to be bettered. is that the way? there will always be somebody better. it's time to take a break from all that bettering. just do your best, God will take care of the rest.

rain down on me

lost

i know i'm stubborn sometimes
a little rightous and too proud
i thought i had all the answers

i keep trying to find my way
i keep trying to face the day
everywhere i go i get so confused

i've seen your happiest face
i know what makes you smile
i know what gives you strength

i've seen your passion for life
i know the way you touch lives
as you've touched mine

if i could only hold your hand
and make the pain just go away.

i'm sad.
my words lost.
my dreams waking up.

brink of tears

as i read a sister's writings just 10 minutes past,
i was compelled to tears.
i feel very futile, i cannot share in her pain.
i only wish i could. i feel useless.
her beautiful words touch my soul.

if i may quote,

'Somehow I ponder, perhaps the luckiest person in the world would be one whose blessings are entirely stripped away and then returned.'

i only pray that they be returned to her, let her eat, let her drink, let her sleep. please.
your dawn will come, and once again you will be taken away from this darkness.

i'm sending out my prayers,
there's hope beyond the struggle,
you were trying to be so strong,
you've been waiting for so long,
the miricle would never come,
heaven's holding every tear you cry,
just hold on.

thursdays

i took many breaks throughout the day and night...

no school. just working in my 'office' where the desk is in disarray and the music is invigorating.
i get easily distracted though when i work at home...chores...eating...msning...small things that when combined take up a lot of time...
o...and i watched plenty of tv...i'm completely over my weeks quota...
and i better stop writing and get back to thesis writing!

i think this quote totally applies for today:
'it is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.' jerome k. jerome

enlighten me

i hope this day doesn't mark the end of summer...

went for dimsum in Chinatown...the nasty smells in the alleyways bring back many memories of my childhood...it's still the same...
after dimsum went to my office...that was fun...two of them were in a very serious meeting in the boardroom with clients...and my visit seemed to be disruptive...the others and i were having too much fun that the secretary had to come back twice like a librarian to 'shhhh' us and warn us that we were being too loud...haha...all of a sudden i think we all felt like we were in highschool. i went back to my office in search for my mentor...she's the best! 'are you serious?' she asked me...yes...i'm serious...'even though you don't have a belly and a beard, you still qualify to be my mentor' she was afraid that she couldn't 'enlighten' me on my thesis...but then right away she spent some time with me reviewing the tedious building code regarding my project...and i said 'there you go, you've just enlightened me.' she's the best.

if only everybody was as enthusiastic, enlivening, and sincere
i know i absolutely need to be more of the three things...
but hey, everybodys different...

pick me

at the end of the day yesterday i felt despondent...i didn't know exactly why...i felt i needed a total release of the mind.
there's quite a bit going on in there sometimes...and it usually all stays in there.
and so i prayed...and prayed some more...why i asked...why...
i'll get my answers i hope someday...

two songs i've been paying much attention to
the rasmus 'in the shadows'
stabilo boss 'everybody'

sometimes i can get disappointed in some people around me...but who doesn't...
illustrated in the song lyrics for 'in the shadows'
'they say that I must learn to kill before I can feel safe
but I, I'd rather kill myself than turn into their slave'

i mean...i have morals...don't make me sink to the level of disrespect, disregard

and sometimes it feels like in the song 'everybody'

'doesn't anybody want to take another shot at me,

go ahead the gun is loaded and the bullets are for free.'

well go ahead, take your best shot.'

anyways, my days are not all that gloomy...it's just the annoying parts that are sticking in my head right now at this moment...

'doesn't anybody hate it when a street light turns red

doesn't anybody want 5 more minutes in bed

doesn't any body, doesn't anybody have a letter to send

doesn't anybody wish they had just one more friend'

my hand is in the air...

uphill climb

today was a once in a month experience...
sleeping i think 9 hours...very exciting!
finally a day without a headache knowing that i haven't slept enough...
i'm really not the person who can handle only 7 hours of sleep everyday...i wouldn't recommend it to anybody...

most have been wondering why my first week of class could be so busy...only those in rye arch know why my first week back to school could be so overwhelming
i'm RA for one of my profs, i'm really fortunate to have this job...but the thing is it's a lot of work...and i'm pouring myself out trying to finish the tasks he assigns me...it is more than i would have expected...doing that while trying to figure out my thesis topic...clarifying it...architecture...very complex...very very complex...defining a thesis...very complex...defining my thesis...very very complex...

then comes the church 15th anniversary design...leading it...i feel very happy to be selected to do a innovative and today i learned avant garde means innovative...so i was selected to do an avant garde design...i went through a proposal...group meetings...and currently going through design execution...its extremely satisfying...i hope i can be continuously reminded that it's all for God's glory and not mine...
yesterday went from 7:00am to 10:30am from school to church...i had no energy left...

it's all going well...

thesis...good prof
RA...good comments
church design...successful

i just need to rest...although i feel that if i don't put in the work...the outcomes will surely become (in very blunt terms) crappy...haha...

it's over

what? summer's over? it feels like i just found out...it still hasn't kicked in yet...maybe by tomoro when i have to wake up early it will...
it starts all over again? the labourious process starts once again...
it's time to start using that thing inside the head again...dust it off...clean off the cob webs...

the proposal's moving on slowly...but surely it's getting somewhere...

things have changed over the summer...and surely i have as well...

the summer in review:
may - rest and break thinking is this how i'm going to spend the rest of my summer?
june - granted a job at srp architects thinking is this how i want to spend the rest of my life
july - the job continues thinking i don't have anytime for anything else
august - enjoying the job thinking this has been a great experience, trying my best to overload the summer thinking school will start soon
now - almost fully recovered from being sick...i'm glad it happened at the end of my holiday rather than at the beginning or at work or when school had started.

today i learned on tv about sleep debt...the accumulation of the lack of sleep...it said that it's good to get nine and quarter hours of sleep to function well. from now on i'll try to get as much as i can...

time + ambition

i know that i can't believe
just what the path has brought me
to the man i want to be
i know that we have had sometimes
that we can't forget the struggle
cuz we have so far to go

i know we've changed but
change can be so good
so lets not forget why it's understood that
time
look where we are and what we've been through
time
sharing our dreams
time
goes on and on everyday

things will get better, and we'll soon be on our way...

i've never knew i lacked ambition
i found out
all too late
do i?
i am a canadian boy
i live in a suburban town
i'm growing up with a church
ambition seems unessesary
yet
'be all you can be'
'reach for the highest'
'go for the top'
i fear i will regret
and i know i will if i don't try
ambition, dream, aspiration
i'm calling out for direction

there's hope beyond the struggle
just hold on...

burnt out

i have finally worn myself out so much that i've become sick...
great...
i think it's a way God's telling me to stop and rest...
i've got a nasty headache, stuffy nose, sore throat...all the good stuff...
i totally over worked myself yesterday with the church anniversary preparation...and i knew something was wrong yesterday...
the design for the anniversary is turning out really well...the team has been working really hard...
as much as i would like to just sit in front of the tv...there's things to be done.......
i think i'm burnt out even before school has even started...
not a good sign...i think during school i'll get more sleep than now...