ahead

at a rate of
2 steps ahead of the game
5 steps ahead of the crowd
it gets very tiring
this constant race
a wrong foothold
can stop the momentum
and the push becomes more strenuous

it is especially worse
when there is no idea of why
the race began in the first place.

today is the epitome
of this race
the race i hate
but i run

why did my group member
have to tell me he got a scholarship
and why did i have to come so close
so close
and not get it

it has been on my mind all day now
and it hasn't left

an open door forced open
by the wind
unwilling to close

the notice of not getting selected
for the ghost project brought this
draining school week to a hault

running a marathon
only to end up in fourth
nowhere on the podium.

is this the kicker where
i say to myself
i'll try harder next time

perhaps it is my motivation
to do better
to work harder

i've had enough of that
this week
my motivation has sank to depths
i can barely see

to try harder
is just what i'm programed do
i know right now i don't want to

haha...
maybe this is what happens
when i make a resolution
to accomplish less this year.