scatter

then the sun peaked through the clouds
beautiful day

_____________________________________________

i downed one book
and ordered 5 more
haha...
all architecture.

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'because all we really need to survive
is one person who truely loves us'

_____________________________________________

how sad is it
when the least of things
is used as an excuse to be angry

deeper issues refuse to be relased

i did what i believed in
and if that doesn't matter
then it just doesn't matter.

_____________________________________________

i will never see you.

_____________________________________________

really enjoying school
when i look forward to working on my projects
clarity is key

happens fast
with direction.

there goes 1/3 of the term

go further

if this architecture school
wants me to play their game
i will
i will play to my wits end
___________________________________________

the authentic tourist experience
the question is
is it authentic when most if not all of it is forced
does it become a false authenticity

that is the question i raise to you readers
___________________________________________

funny how life
gets sucked out in 20 minutes
my own words like
jabs in my own face
yet i kept writing
knocked half unconcious
left to disintegrate

knowing i'll be slapped
yet standing still
willfully going to slaughter

any logical person
would not have been doing
as i have
any logical person
would have long ago
forgotten
left
given up

the causes of illogicality

time and again
wish i could
everytime i think about it
i no longer remember what i'm doing
lost in a dream
unable to wake

walk on
perhaps next time
it will turn out different
let the dream live on.

am i at my depths?
i ask.
i think not.

deepest things

reminising interlaken switzerland...

_____________________________________________

didn't think i could buy shark
at the local grocery store
we got it and had it for dinner

_____________________________________________

it may seem paradoxical
but the only person
who is at rest
has achieved it through conflict

peace
born of conflict
is not like the ominous lull
before the storm
but like the serenity
and the quietness following the storm
with its fresh purified air

who has not learned
that our most sorrowful days
are frequently our best

the soul that is always lighthearted
and cheerful misses
the deepest things in life

certainly that life has its reward
and is fully satisfied
but the depth of its satisfaction
is very shallow

its heart is dwarfed
and its nature
which has the potential of experiencing
the highest of heights
the deepest of depths
remains undeveloped
without ever knowing
the richness of profound joy

jesus said
'blessed are those who mourn' matthew 5:4
stars shine brightest during the long dark night of winter

if ever gloomy darkness
comes way
know that it has been wisely designed for you
for perhaps a lenghty stretch of summer weather
would have made you
like parched land or a barren wilderness

spring

you'll know spring has arrived
when you eat this meal
prepared by my friend

so very tasty
makes me hungry looking at it again...

________________________________________________


a million hearts are hurting
because they love you
close your eyes
and feel their arms around you now

just like me
i'm sure they're thinking of you
but know somehow
this will all work out

i sat up on the roof
and stare at the stars now
for a reason why
or something i can do

everything that mattered yesterday
so far now
away from you
what you're going through

just you hold on
you gotta get through this
yes you are
and try to be strong
you know you can do this
because love will conquer all

and it won't be long
before you'll be dancing in the rain again

the desert soon will turn to bloom
you'll start to feel a change in you
the sky will seem
a deeper blue than it ever was before
a whole new world will open up
as you stand face to face with love
and though i can't imagine
how you'll be more beautiful than you are now
don't you be afraid
just hold on
you know you can do this
won't you save me one dance with you then?

my beautiful friend

guy sebastian

press on

though the sleep was little
i'm well rested
and i think i can continue to conquer the world

the converstations ran late into the night
and after pouring out my mind

i slept
waking up to a call for breakfast
and only in halifax has this ever happened

sitting in the restaurant
i see friends
so i go to say hi
at the same time
another friend approches from one side of the sidewalk
and then
10 seconds later
another friend approches from the other side of the sidewalk
haha...that's what makes this city great

i caught myself
smiling and laughing in the middle of nothing
at some thoughts that passed

thanks to friends
who have helped me so easily
overcome and see the other side of the story

i know i can
and so i will.
press on.
_________________________________________________

i see trees of green
red roses too
i see em bloom
for me and for you
and i think to myself
what a wonderful world.

i see skies of blue
clouds of white
bright blessed days
dark sacred nights
and i think to myself
what a wonderful world.

ahead

at a rate of
2 steps ahead of the game
5 steps ahead of the crowd
it gets very tiring
this constant race
a wrong foothold
can stop the momentum
and the push becomes more strenuous

it is especially worse
when there is no idea of why
the race began in the first place.

today is the epitome
of this race
the race i hate
but i run

why did my group member
have to tell me he got a scholarship
and why did i have to come so close
so close
and not get it

it has been on my mind all day now
and it hasn't left

an open door forced open
by the wind
unwilling to close

the notice of not getting selected
for the ghost project brought this
draining school week to a hault

running a marathon
only to end up in fourth
nowhere on the podium.

is this the kicker where
i say to myself
i'll try harder next time

perhaps it is my motivation
to do better
to work harder

i've had enough of that
this week
my motivation has sank to depths
i can barely see

to try harder
is just what i'm programed do
i know right now i don't want to

haha...
maybe this is what happens
when i make a resolution
to accomplish less this year.

lessons learned | battles continue

as i just remembered a couple moments ago
march 29
the day of march 29
when all of my world
seemed to crash before me last year

i wrote in one year i would have a response
to what i've written that day
funny thing is...
i've forgotten all about it till today
i think it means something
looking back at it...

i can't believe how much has happened since
a year after 03.29.05

praise to be
the one above
for all i've gained since
a lifetime prayer that
continues to be answered
everyday.

slowly
the big picture
is pieced together
in my head
it has been a long lesson
one that took a year perhaps

as i've learned one
important
important
important thing

there is a plan.
believe in it.
know that you're walking it.
and know that each step
is the step that's meant to be
right or wrong
good or bad
postive or negative
happy or sorrowful
don't fight it.

as another battle begins...
a different one
i wonder how long
it will take to win.

as time persists

as time persists
i grow weary of endless cares

as time perpetuates
distractions keep me afloat

as time propels
i know each step taken is the last

as time continues
i convince myself so much is wasted
as if i did not care
as if they were not there

as time lingers
i again wonder and wonder
bombarded by the same questions
over and again

as i look in front of me
it reads in big bold letters
'the harder the climb the better shape you will be in'
'don't give up'
'you're almost there'

as my friend and i
in an architectural conversation
is the process more important than the final product
or does the quality final product matter more

we both argued for the final product
no matter the process
it is the end that matters
no matter how it is achieved
as long as it is

i could lie awake for hours at night
but i would never allow myself to
because i know
time continues to persist
_______________________________________________

'the fact that chomsky unhesitatingly postulates
a mental scpace endowed with specific properties -
with orientations and symmetries.
he completely ignores the yawing gap that
separates this linguistic mental space from that social
space wherein language becomes practice.
meaning presents itself as the legal authority
to interchange signified elements along a single
horizontal chain, within the confines of a coherent
system regulated and calculated in advance.'

i have no idea what i'm reading...aaar

amidst a dream

________________________________________________________

unbelievable

i don't know where to begin...
on one of the highlights of my academic journey today
it was all very unexpected...

i have the internationally known architect
for my design studio course

and to me...
it's like tom hanks
teaching me how to act

or jack johnson
teaching me how to play the guitar
hahaha...

going on our design fieldtrip to the site
of our metal foundry museum...
first of all...
it was such an amazing experience
seeing metal being formed created
steaming hot liquid metal
being poured into moulds

and then touring the rest of the foundry
seeing all the history...
the thousands of old moulds carved out of wood
formed in sand

then...our prof...the architect...
needs to go to his infamous and internationally
known projects called 'ghost'
where he organizes every year
a design build project
with a group of 20 people across the globe
and asks if we want to go visit

yea...definitely go...
have to pay $5000 to participate in this two week ghost project...
only one student in our whole program gets to go...
and that one student is fully sponsored
i'm going to apply...
so we go to this amazing site of the ghost projects...
the landscape undescribable
the fog just moving in...
see the well crafted projects
...so good...

he teaches so well
knows so much
down to earth
friendly
i was purely in awe of the buildings
that him and his firm has put together

then as we head back on our 2 hour drive back to halifax
my roomate, another, and i go back in his car
and talk...
and talk...
learn and learn more
haha...
and he took us to other housing projects he had in the city
then again i was left in shock
at the well designed and detailed projects
and with him explaining them
with such passion and conviction made it
just that much better.

definitely a highlight in my educational experience
unbelievable.

pictures to be posted soon!

fun fun

back at school again
masters...
class sizes of nine and under
one of them i'm in a class of 4...
haha...must stay awake...
can't fall asleep in a class of 4

went to play badminton
and basketball the first day back to halifax
and then again today...
haven't sweat so much in such a long time...

the adjustment here is easy
there isn't much

working on a national competition for social housing...
working on publication submissions...
working on cover design competition for the publication...
all is going well

not too much work for the first week
grades don't matter
it's A, B, or fail...

the good thing here is
that i don't mull around
and in constant contact with people
and my project, competition, work

my chinese geneology dictionary arrived
4000 characters to learn...and pronounce in manderin
so the journey begins...

i have a whole stack of books waiting to be read
mostly architecture...

as i continue to realize and discover how architecture
is integrally about connections...
who you know

need to go to lunenberg tomorrow
because our studio design site is in that city...
visiting the metal foundry
designing a museum for all the castings
fun fun