sheep

i am sheep, hear me baaaaaaa...

support

support is there, but out of reach

i search for it, but all i find is emptiness,
i call out, but the call is unanswered,
i see it, but quickly fades away,
i can almost feel it, but cannot grasp it,
i can smell it, but the the fragrance doesn't last...

ah well...

a void fills up quickly

though i don't have work tomoro, my void is quickly filled with other things happening, just waiting for me to answer...
time never seems enough as i try to sleep more, but never get more than 7 hrs...cuz i always set something up, i think it's cuz i know there's not much holiday left...everyday seems filled...i had a day of nothingness yesterday...that was good...i could use a few more!

peanuts wisdom
linus: c'mon in...i'm almost ready...i just have to put my shoes on...for as long as i've lived, whenever i put on my shoes i've always put the left one on first...i don't know why...it's just something i've always done. then suddenly last week i put the right one on first...everyday this week i've been putting my right shoe on first...and you know what?

it hasn't changed my life a bit...

well well...don't believe in superstition linus...

void

my last day at work was happy and very sad...
as i gave my last card away to my closest coworker...tears filled her eyes and tears filled my eyes...it was sad...
i didn't really want to leave...
i'll be back soon i said, i'll always drop by for visits....and if you guys need anything just give me a call...they asked if i could work from home...haha....
i said i'm just taking an eight month holiday, i'll be back very soon, and hey, we might still be working on the same projects! everybody at the office today was treated to a sushi lunch by one of the partners...it really began to feel like a family...i saw them for three months more than anybody else! after lunch i prepared dessert that i'd bought for everybody...a taro swiss roll, cookies, and a yellow watermelon...
i concluded my day of work by giving back my keys to the office...and undecorating my desk...my desk was left bare...
i left feeling a bit empty...

then i rushed over to ryerson to hand in my work study application
and then over to friend's house and then go for korean bbq...
the day ended by playing mahjong and watching olympics....
rite now my eyes half closed and ready to sleep and not wake up at 7:00...haha...
hopefully i'll get at least 8 hrs

i left with a void in me...

sentimental

feeling sentimental...

the rain won't catch me and the wind won't blow
where i'm blowing no one knows
its all right now
clouds are forming in a neon sky
i'm on my way
if i knew the end would i start at all
see the pride before the fall
it's over now...
life can sometimes spin you round,
there will be a hole in my heart where the rain gets in
so i'll pull up my collar and start again
there is no right there is no wrong
i'll live my life
keep moving on...

i will miss work...

bring it on

i've been willfully shouting, bring on the coffee, bring on the beer...

4 days of work left...

bring it on

surprise

i would have never imagined that i would get a surprise party from my co-workers...

at my desk working away...i noticed more people coming into my part of the office...i thought okay...cool...whatever...keep working...out from the back comes our receptionist bringing a cake....and they began singing happy birthday...i'm still sitting there thinking is this for my boss who was sitting close...haha...i was really shocked...
they knew my birthday...somebody told me that i wrote it when i filled in a form...
...they offered to critique my thesis...and welcomed me back...
...this office is a blessing

crap happens

sometimes it's hard not to get caught up in some small thing that goes wrong in the day.

well i've been caught up with a small thing today, crap happens...the architect in my office puts it a different way...BEEP happens
accept and move right along...
lead productive lives...don't dwell

i ran into the same person to and from the subway today, i already ran into him yesterday...what a coincidence...three times...maybe even tomoro

i've been given new direction yesterday on my thesis...finally i got some motivation to work on it! because lately i just procrastinate...a lot a lot.....like rite now....i should be reading....haha...

it's time to get something done!

you're wonderful

this is a passage in a book i'm giving away as a present (i had to take a peek before i give it away):

if he had a calender, your birthday would be circled.
if he drove a car your name would be on his bumper.
if there's a tree in heaven he's carved your name in the bark.
i have written your name on my hand. (Isaiah 49:16)

maybe you don't want to trouble God with your hurts.
But...
"he cares about you" (1 Peter 5:7)
he's waiting for you, to embrace you whether you succeed or fail.
your heavenly Father is very fond of you and only wants to share his love with you.
flooded by emotion, overcome by pride,
the Starmaker turns to us,
one by one, and says,
But i want you to know,
i've already provided a way back.
you have captured the heart of God.
He cannot bear to live without you.
God's dream is to make you right with him.
And the path to the cross tells us exaclty how far God will go to call us back.
"can anything make me stop loving you?" God asks.
"you wonder how long my love will last?
watch me speak your language,
sleep on your earth,
and feel your hurts.
find your answer on a splintered cross,
on a craggy hill.
that's how much i love you."
God does more than forgive our mistakes;
he removes them!
we simply have to take them to him.
you can talk to God
because God listens.
let a tear appear on your cheek, and
he is there to wipe it.
He has sent his angels
to care for you,
his Holy spirit to dwell in you...
his church to encourage you,
and his word to guide you.
as much as you want to see him,
he wants to see you more.
if you want to touch God's heart,
use the name he loves to hear.
call him "Father."
he thinks you're wonderful!

passage by Max Lucado in "God thinks you're wonderful"

i'm missing work already

it's already mid august!?

only seven days of work left...last day is aug 26th...i'm off tomoro, but not really off. i took three days off in august to help out with this years children's camp at church. tomoro is my last day. then i gotta get ready to say my goodbyes to my co-workers...sniff sniff...o well...i hope to be back there someday...that's what one of the partners told me today..."you'll be back."

top twelve things i will miss at work: (it's twelve cuz i thought of 2 more things...haha...)

12 - Q107.5
11 - taking the streetcar
10 - getting introduced to new food
9 - looking professional...haha
8 - the nice office
7 - susan's monkey squeezing...jokes
6 - the rush of getting things done on a deadline
5 - the weekly meetings as a family
4 - my own desk and computer
3 - learning new things everyday
2 - the people
1 - being reminded how fortunate i am to even have this job

things come and go...the experience is too quick, the memories, everlasting.

life's catching up

"it is only those who search that will ever find." dl.

uhgg...it's one of those days...
where through the whole day it looks like and feels like i just woke up...

i think the constant lack of sleep in the summer months has caught up to me on this day...haha...as i'm typing this i'm yawning...haha...my eyes getting teary...

i think today i'll go to sleep at 9:30...booo

chorus song lyrics of 'the sun' by maroon 5:
But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through
And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
the battles almost won...

And we're only several miles from the sun...

let it be

whisper words of wisdom, let it be

just let it go

the mood in the office today was tense...the meeting took 1.5 hrs...so long...in the middle of the meeting i was asked to finish something...then come back...it felt like i did something wrong and i was told to go to my room...haha...but then it got done in 10 min so i went back to join...
then i was introduced to the discussion on office standards...boss was suggesting we needed standards...and we definitely do...everybody in the office draws things differently...and i knew for sure i wasn't following any sort of standard...not good...anyways...
my computer at work is not the greatest...but hey...at least i have one to work on...
today it didn't have the program i needed...one of my co-workers went through this tedious process of helping me install and set up the drawings to get sent to print...and after all that installation...the program didn't work...and he ended up doing it...i didn't feel to good...i was asked to do it...but it ended up using up a lot of his time...and he already had a lot to do...but i was glad that his attitude was not frustration or blame...i think he's just used to it...haha...
it's never good after a day of doing nothing much at work...
but i can't blame myself...nor the people at work...i guess there's nothing to blame...
well...don't blame at all...

"just let it go..."

i was called by my prof today asking to be TA this fall...and he wants me to start next week...he would like to me help him also with his website...umm...i don't know anything about making a website...

"just let it go..."

haha...too bad it doesn't apply to this case..
i've agreed to his offer...and he said..."so we've made a contract." uhhh...i guess...

learn to live in the present moment...the measure of our peace of mind is determined by how much we are able to live in the present moment. Irrespective of what happened yesterday or last year. don't allow past problems and future concerns to dominate the present.

"just let it go..."

one more thing

"receiving is always more heartfelt and treasured than obtaining yourself."
i think i need to start my own quote book or something...ya rite...

because it is then that you know that somebody actually cares and would take the time.

and as always giving is much better than receiving

that's it for today.

inspire me

i need some inspiration + motivation.

i find that doing many small things in a day, take up most of my time.

as i listen to the jazz in the background i lose myself...
writing the moment
capturing a juncture in time...

hey i'm just getting ready for school...haha...writing bs...or in school we like to call it building science...or at chruch we like to call it bible study...
i need all the bs i can get...especially when i'm preparing to write the second stage of my proposal...

anyways i better get to it...it won't write itself...although i sometimes hope...

on thing i learned today...be kind to unkind people. it gets to them. not that the intention is make them feel bad, but to allow them to realize their actions.

blessed

"it is only those who have endured hardship who can truely realize the meaning of being blessed." (quoting myself...haha)

well well, what can i say...it's been a strange week...even words can't express these thoughts...

i'm glad today, i've reconciled a friendship, and bettered another, thanks Lord.
thanks for the blessings, though i'm unworthy.

priority + deadline

i love it when priority and dealine are used in the same sentence...it give life just that extra kick...yippie...
too bad sarcasm can't be expressed well through written words...
anyways i've got prioities and deadlines to deal with

a good monday, i think makes a good week

i hope the title of this blog is true...

today was a day of dim sum, cleaning up, community centre, grocery shopping at a farm, a family bbq, and now, a time of thesis and reflection...
i must stop procrastinating...i do it quite well sometimes...

i have enough sleep...so good...=)

"life, even in bacteria, is too complex to have occurred by chance." harry rubin, professor of molecular biology and research, UC Berkeley