toss and turn

today was my last day at zeidler...
too bad...
it was good there...
i got along with people...
they knew who i was...
and now i had to leave...

people i saw more than i saw
more than anybody else
these four months

it was a good last day
leaving is always bittersweet...
definitely will miss people there

in the back of my head
i was very glad i don't have to commute
and sleep early wake early

then again i still have to deal
with another project going on
which is tough...
because a lot rests on my shoulders
and deals with situations i'm unfamiliar with...
learn as i go along though...

then again
i'm leaving soon
which is very bittersweet
augh...
this constant flurry of bittersweetness
is annoying
and hard to deal with
half the time i stare into nothingness
daydreaming...
thinking...
wondering...

it's been a great four months.

i can't help but want everything
to be going well for everybody
all the time.
something impossible i strive for.

i want to know
that everything is alright while i'm here
that everything will be alright when i'm gone.

i want to let you know that everything will.
i just hope i will be.

life in lyrics

i've been twisting and turning
in a space that's too small

james morrison
the pieces don't fit anymore

____________________________________________


no parachutes
no safety nets here
one foot on the water to face these fears
i'm coming out strong like i can't be wrong
i said hey i won't stall in the middle

cause you know you broke the hardest part
you know you broke the hardest heart
i'll never let this love fall in the puddle
through it all

mat kearney
in the middle

____________________________________________

it's late and i'm feeling so tired
having trouble sleeping
this consant compromise
between thinking and breathing

corinne bailey rae
trouble sleeping

____________________________________________

let me show you
what i'm made of
good intentions are not enough
to get me through today and this life

you can run from me
you can hide from me
but i'm right beside you
in this life

i'll give you all the things that i can never get
give you all i have and have no regret
take you to the places i've never been
forgive you all the things that you can't forget
take away the pain with my healing hands
wash away your sins and set your spirit free

chantel kreviazuk
in this life

too many hills

and so the inevitable happens again
as i got sick last weekend
to the very familiar symptoms of the flu
i seemed to get better much faster
i just needed call in sick for two days

however it wasn't fully recovery
not even now.

i'm trying to finish one thing to the next...
as the chinese saying goes
one hill hasn't stopped...
another hill rises...
not sure if hill is the right
word to use...

i got three weeks before i fly
sometimes i begin to wonder
if it's worth all the trouble
going over there to work...
i guess i'll soon find out...

i begin to feel like
i need a daybook...
to schedule all this stuff...

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good friday

did you ever wake up in and out of darkness
on a boat her veiled winds at your back?

sunny faded picture from your memory
jagged ridge for your path

were you lost inside the dream of another's choosing?
did the rhythm of your days become your foe?

were countless hours of pity like a blanket
that covered up the daylight from your soul?

were you hopeless at the thought of ever loving?
were you hounded by the curses in the dark?

did you ever give until you just quit feeling?
a castaway with a bottled heart

did you ever think the worst was bout to happen?
the river rise and waters of the flood

honestly another name for heartache
and fear like starlight shining from above

are you in the eleventh hour of your desperation?
can you dig through the tunnel and break through the night?

are you ready for the loosening of your chains?
that catch you in the shadows of your time

red guitar - ode to lonely

______________________________________________


trying to power away
to cross things listed on the list...
at least i'm getting somewhere...

it's a good friday...
time now is to spend remembering
why this friday is so good.

thank you for the cross.

signed up

'congrats on finishing the competition
and getting your life back!

until you sign up for the next crazy thing
to take over your life that is.'

as my friend wrote to me just a month ago...
and so the next crazy thing has taken over my life

working at one job is never enough for me
now i have 2...

i tell myself i can't miss opportunities like these
and then i come back to reality
and realize what these opportunities mean in reality

the opportunity is as follows:

$5.2 million mansion
requires $2 million in renovations
and the owner as now asked me to do it.

find an architect...
work with the architect through all phases
design with the architect
and report back to him
until it is complete.

seems like i landed my first contract.
a $2 million contract.
nothing is set in stone yet
and many things are still up in the air.

but the thing is...
i'm leaving to copenhagen in may
and i have to go back to halifax
in september
how am i supposed to work on this?

thus the 'crazy' thing
as it exists now as my new 'side' job
i've had many 'side' things

i remember in 2005
where i was working 3 jobs
1 main 2 sides

that was when i just got back
from my 5 week backpacking in europe

my health suffered

as one thing goes up...
others go down...
it all balances out doesn't it...

well as this is now going up...
what is going down...

as i begin to think about
my current main job
and then planning my copenhagen adventure
and the side job
the backburner is now school...

school being
the 6000 word work term paper...
and thesis research and topic creation...

many things...
one at a time...
it's just the beginning
of the next crazy thing
that i've signed myself up for.