on the run

what's this inside me?

i don't know

a big jumble of stuff running through my head

i would like to write it all...but i can't
and if you ask why i can't say either

lately i've been confronted with a lot of problems

none of my own...

i have enough already running on the backburner

in a sense i'm learning a lot from other people
and in another way
i feel really bad

i felt really good when i helped
and you know what?
i am trying my best

and i was so glad when i was thanked
that my effort is appreciated
it means a lot

and then i remembered
people who've been shown kindness
are only then capable of doing the same
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where has my dad been?

augh...maybe i should be telling him instead...
but he's not around...
i haven't seen him for more than a week now
he's busy working on a big 'deal' with a client

busy going to casinos
i'd be happier if he told me he told me he got a new hobby
but i find out he's shooting guns for a hobby

i mean....
i don't know anymore

as the son am i supposed to reach out?
this is heavier than i can handle.
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it's the long weekend
i've gotta get my time organized

i need to know what i need to be doing
and yes...i'll be working on that portfolio

and yes...thanks for the push
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ever had a heart sinking moment?

i had one today.

byeee...
augh...
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i won't run away...