if you could see me smiling

it's been a while
a whole week since i haven't written here

it's one of those days where i feel nothing can bring me down

it's been so good
i don't think i can use words to describe it

'i don't believe in 'good days' and 'bad days'
after reading the book called 'the discipline of grace'

everyday can be as good as the next one
if you can put it into perspective

my blessings today did not depend on my performance before
and everyday is a good one with the knowledge of being saved

you and me
are good enough for His grace

this year in the past months
if you've read anything from before
you might know that i hadn't been doing too well

going through change
diappointments
self-conciousness
led me to dispair

right now the things that cause me grief
don't bother me

what happened today?
what's happening today?
and how will this day end?

not just today
but recently
i have become very comfortable with
who i am
what i do
what i believe

case one of 'His grace'

i've recently reached out to a friend
who has been going through relational problems
which is quite serious in my mind
he told me he was going back to church because of this
but i knew his faith is weak
God put it in my heart to reach out
and i know what it feels like to be reached out to
'woah, somebody actually cares.'
such encouragement

as i have cried out to God
'what have i done for you'

He answered me repeatedly since i've asked
i now ask
'what more can i do?'

case two of 'His grace'

i haven't been doing really well spirutually
during this phase of changing churches

but someone has come along my way
and refreshed my relationship with God

case three of 'His grace'

i'll do 5 cases
too many to list all of them

if you look carefully in a day
there are most likely too many to list

today i talked to a friend i haven't talked to in months
and i couldn't imagine what i was saying was coming from me
i've learned so much this year
i've grown up plenty as well

he wasn't feeling well
and i understand where he's coming from
i told him whoever you are
whatever you do
is what God intended you to be
don't run away from yourself
there's a reason for it all
trust me

he told me that he'll find his way to God

i told him that it feels like i've found a long lost friend

case four of 'His grace'

it was hard to believe myself
i didn't go on an intended trip on sunday
doesn't mean i wasted away doing nothing =)

i went with my mom and an auntie who gambles
as her occupation to the mall
she's very lost in direction
and finds it hard to find 'good people' anymore
she's been disappointed far too many times

i asked my mom in the car to go to church
not only did she agree
but she asked auntie to go with her
after much convincing
they will both go to church with me
beginning october

please pray that this comes true
because i know it can fall through

case five of 'His grace'

today, in a long long time
we are gathered at home
to eat dinner

back together again

finally the client has left
and we can return back to 'normal'
no business was done
a lot of wasted time, evergy, and effort

i'm somewhat thankful for that
my dad has been arrogant
thinking he had this big deal going on
so things will slowly become
what it was like in the past

and they will live happily ever after

if you could see me smiling.