what's next?

here i am
i'll try to be honest
cuz i can

i'll try to be better
than i am
for you

i need to hear
your voice
i don't need to talk
i need to listen
i open my mouth
i close my eyes
and my wisdom is a pale disguise

you never change at all
you'll always break my fall
i love you most of all

please be still
no need to remember
where you've been
you need to recall everything
about me


failure is not the end
fox run

_______________________________________________


ski is over
finally we have concluded our submission
for the oslo holmenkollen competition
i think this is one of the coolest and strangest
buildings i will work on
just four months ago it was a nuclear plant
now...a ski jump.

it's been 2 months that i worked on it
and it was such a relief to finish
it felt odd after
my teamates and i didn't know what
to do with our lives anymore it seemed
or maybe we were just too tired to care
what was next

it was fun
i've opened my own eyes
on what i can do
and that is the best part

halfway there

somehow i wish to be back home
to celebrate with you
to be happy for you
to live the moment
enjoy it...
always remember
that your efforts pay off
that when you feel tired
and that the road is endless
light is just at the end
be patient and discover that
surprises await you when you least suspect and doubt
and that is the greatest moment of joy
keep the faith

__________________________________________________


in the blink of an eye
it seems i will be leaving here
it seems i got here not long ago
and i will be heading back
to a familiar cycle

my eyes have been opened
and i've learned and experienced plenty
the venture to a once unknown city
has been more than smooth

through talk and questions with friends
i am reminded how blessed i am
to travel all the way here
to learn to live to experience
some may find it odd how i can spend so much time
on something with no monetary payback
honestly it's a leap of faith
that has been enjoyable and memorable so far
i thank my support network
and those willing to be friends
with someone here for a short three months

it's funny...
i needed a bike...i got a bike from a coworker...
i needed a ricecooker...i got a rice cooker from a friend...
i needed a church...i got a church...
i needed a friend explore the city...i met friends...
i needed a lamp...i now have 3...
i needed furniture...there's furniture in the courtyard...
i needed the word...it was read and discussed...
and even when i write it out here...
i am amazed...
the lord provides

i discover that sometimes i miss out
when i don't participate...

i find i'm the observer
quiet...watching...thinking...

as this journey continues...

from oslo to milan

i'm so tired right now

it's been an exciting weekend

it all started at 4:30 at work
or what copenhageners call 16:30
the project leader is called
the boss' office
and five minutes later
i'm called into his office

'i'm thinking there are more than enough
people on the ski team
what do you think if you work on another project?'

i had a puzzled look on my face
and said
'i'd like to stay on the ski team
because i want to see the project finish'

he says
'okay then, lets make a deal.
we have a project competition for a milan museum,
can you come in on the weekend to work on it?
then on tuesday you can go back to ski.'

i didn't understand the deal
how would coming in on the weekend
allow me to work back on ski?
i didn't want to give up ski...
but now that i look at it...
maybe i do.

however
i said
'i'd like to finish ski
so yea sure i'll come in on the weekend
to work on milan.'

deal

then jds explains the project to me
and it's not bad
quite interesting

the thing is
due monday
we have two people including me
to work on it

i had friday night
saturday and sunday
i was in charge of the model

and as some of my archi friends know
i'm not a frequent model building
although i should be
i'm up for the challenge
to see if i can actually do it

i go back to meet my ski team
they looked puzzled
i looked distraught
i tell them the story
they say 'this is a test'
haha...
and so my ski coworker says
it's a good opportunity to work
so close with boss
and you have a good partner to work with

weekend plans cancelled
all cancelled...
sleep is set to minimum.
food is always bought from a restaurant.

and friday night goes to 1:30am in the office
with my italian architect coworker
how do they get licenced to quickly in europe!?!?
north american standards take min 11 years to be licenced
europe...6-7?

no too much is done that night
i get an understanding of the museum
and the site
and the design

work starts at 11am on saturday
others are also working at the office
on other projects

boss gets in a little later
and tension begins
build faster
cut faster
breathing in toxic foam fumes

i didn't think i could cut nice angles
for the foam site model
after some lessons from other coworkers
they become easy
and so did circles
buildings all cut out for site model saturday
i work to 2:00am

sunday comes along
and work starts again at 11am
boss is not in today
the two of us produce
and things get done
i keep cutting
and gluing
and on go the trees
the people
the cars

i've only seen these models on the website
and then i realized
now i'm making them myself
how cool is that
site model is finished at midnight
and it's time to take night photos of the model
with the lights inside
it looks good
i'm relieved
sunday night goes to 3:00am
and the birds start chirping at 3:30am
because the sun begins to light up the sky

monday
i get in at 9:15am
the project is due
i meet the boss on third floor
where he is taking pictures of the model himself

'very good,
you did a nice job on the model'
in his belgium english accent
i was relieved
then he goes
'!#@#@ #$#@#%, this camera doesn't work'

then monday morning i move to drawings
colour
draw
copy paste
render
extrude
we get close to submission
and i could smell the ending
of this short but extremely long
project charette of 3 days
and what an experience it is.

boss works on the drawings himself
give me this
give me that
can you do this
do that
how about this
how about that
save it and let me work on it
it's strange to see the boss
work on it
and he made images look much better
he has some sort of formula.

we print
and off it goes to milan.