twenty four

twenty four oceans. twenty four skies. twenty four failures. twenty four tries. twenty four finds me in twenty-fourth place. twenty four drop outs at the end of the day. life is not what i thought it was twenty four hours ago. still i'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You. and i'm not who i thought i was twenty four hours ago. twenty four reasons to admit that i'm wrong. with all my excuses still twenty four strong. i'm not copping out. when You're raising the dead in me. i am the second man. and you're raising these twenty four voices with twenty four hearts with all of my symphonies in twenty four parts. but i want to be one today. centered and true i'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You. You're raising the dead in me. i want to see miracles, see the world change. wrestled the angel, for more than a name. for more than a feeling. for more than a cause. i'm not copping out.
switchfoot - 24
elegant song.

an hour was gained, 24 was lost.

think fast, act faster

have you ever wondered how fast you think? pay attention to yourself. how fast is it? like right now. i was noticing today how fast i was thinking. whoa. and especially when i'm under just a little pressure, they become much faster.

i demand a brain break

no seat on the subway during rush hour after several hours of RAing till 6:00
for several minutes i tried not to think...saying 'don't think of anything' just focus on something and don't think. didn't work. thinking about not thinking. how stupid. well that's the subway what it's like to be on the subway when tired and cramped.

speaking of thinking
i had to think fast during my presentation of my site analysis. didn't prepare at all what to say. i figured i knew the site well. so i made up my entire presentation on the spot hoping maybe i'd cover most things. turns out i didn't cover them all. one professor like interuppting my train of thought. it went well. i was able to speak of all the main points.

fast forward please

looking forward the extra hour on saturday...i think that's all i have to look forward to.

the play was really interesting and i was very excited to see a play, since i think it has been in high school since i've seen a play. so much archi jargon which totally perplexed and blew right passed me. i was so surprised how the actors can remember their lines of such complex vocabulary and saying their sentences in one long breath. definitely a surprise ending as i was warned before seeing it. shocking. it was about a korean architecture student being crit by three professors, the audience being the other students listening to the crit. the play for sure is really close to what i'm doing and what i will be doing. being crit, and defending myself the best i can with words. as my boss once put, they'll be shooting arrows and i'll be fending them off. hopefully they don't aim to kill.

i thought group work was an afterthought in fourth year, well at least bad groups. but i was wrong. horrible groupwork i must say haunts me today, well i believe it will be my last bad group for university. totally disorganized and i had no control over what was happening at all.

thesis site analysis due friday...!! ahhhhh...need to do booklet, presentation board, model, and massing design by friday...ahhhh...

here i am yawning.

heart mind soul

thank the Lord with all my heart, all my mind, and all my soul.
thanks.

beauty in the broken

i got to go inside a creepy building today. a neo-classical building constructed 100 years ago which has been left vacant for 20 years. the building is part of my thesis site. the first responce was, 'whoa what is this place.' it looked like a dump. being vacant for so many years only makes sence because the building was in horrible shape. after my friend joined to help me take measurements of the building, each moment exploring felt like we were in some horror movie. it felt like something was about to pounce at every moment. i didn't know i needed a flashlight to explore the building, nor did the flashlight on the picnic table in the banking hall work. we were only able to travel into the spaces with natural light, most of the windows were boarded up. the agent told me that street people have been living inside a few years back and the walls have been marked and damaged significantly. it was definitely quite the memorable experience as an architecture student. quite the exciting trip.

the rest of the day dragged along.

tomorrow going see play among friends

sigh of relief

finally positive signs arising amongst many negative ones.
thesis is now about site analysis. it's all about the location.
i know that restoring a historic building will be extremely challenging, and building a new one in conjunction would prove even more difficult. surprisingly i was granted the privilege of entering the 100 year old neo-classical building led by one of the agents trying to sell it. then i would actually know what to preserve. and i found the student who worked on the same site now in michigan doing masters, who responded to me in one hour giving me advice and recommending books.

'all of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.' Pascal

how disappointing

i heard one week ago from a friend.
the day before thanksgiving on monday.
and now it has finally sank in.
'he just doesn't want to disappoint you.'
and it felt so true.
i never thought of it that way.
i'm sure many people live a life trying to appease others.

who wants to disappoint?
failing to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of others.
many times i do.

anyways, on a lighter note, i think i always write in a very serious and heavy tone. ay...

today as we waited for sunday school to start in the food court next door watching children's cartoons...they've adapted so much to the modern world.

'you can't make footprints in the sands of time sitting down.'

get up.

picking up hope

weather does relate to mood.

went to school for what seemed like five minutes today to hand a project.
my request has been answered.
rain down on me.

as i finish another part of the thesis
i strain to continue working.
again lacking motivation.
no foreseeable goal ahead.
that's the way i work.
i need a carrot in front of me.
but sadly it dropped
and i don't feel like walking anymore.
i'm questioning myself
and this questioning drags me down.

i read to regain my thoughts.
i picked up mere christianity by c.s. lewis
and flipped through and stopped at a chapter labled 'hope'
' most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. there are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise. the longings which arise in us when we first fall in love, or the first think of some foreign country, or first take up some subject that excites us, are longings which no marriage, no travel, no learning can really satisfy.'
are we supposed to constantly chase till we reach the rainbow's end?
will we ever reach it?
when we finally realize we cannot grasp it we no longer expect anything more than we have.
is heaven just something we look towards to keep that carrot from falling down?
it is not some mere form of wishful thinking.
we have been trained to keep our eyes fixed on this world
yet heaven cannot be characterized by anything of this world, not harps nor gold nor crowns
these are mere symbols of this world.
'creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for these desires exists'
as i finish, i pick up my motivation
and continue walking.

feels like blah

feel like doing nothing.
but still got to do it.
just as i must breath.
as i must eat.
sleep.

time to OBC!
yippie!

a fall full of colour

i think i've done many good things over these few days. i'm now afraid of using the word good. it has come up so many times these past months. what is good. everybody see's 'good' differently....ah....such a complex world we are in. good is now like beauty. what's good to one may be bad to another. so good is in the mind of the beholder.

i've caught up on plenty of sleep these few days. i think i'm finally out of my sleep debt, however i'm not in surplus yet. i hope not to be in it either. i have the tendancy to sleep over my alarm whenever i know that i don't have anything i have to go to or do.

wednesday was actually the beginning of my thanksgiving holiday. it's already been three days. nice. i must say that i haven't been really productive in my school work, but i've been productive in going out. nice. it's been a while since i've watched a movie. i watched one yesterday and one today! ahh...i'm over quota. i'm glad that i got a chance to meet up with many of my friends this week too. it's always good to catch up.

a thanksgiving dinner party tomoro and i don't know what to bring yet! gotta think of something fast...maybe fast food. i don't think they'll appreciate it though...not like i would either. i'm glad that i've also switched my meeting with my prof to tomoro instead of thanksgiving day since i'll be downtown for dinner anyways. i'm glad he was glad to switch.

i'm thankful.

Lord have your way

not going to show weakness
i'm gonna smile
and tell the whole world i'm fine
i'm gonna keep my senses

there must be more than this,
breath of God come breathe within,
there must be more than this,
spirit of God we wait for You.
fill us anew we pray.
consuming fire fan into flame,
a passion for Your name,
spirit of God fall in this place,
Lord have Your way,
Lord have Your way with us,
come like a rushing wind,
clothe us with power from on high,
now set the captives free,
leave us abandoned to Your praise.
Lord let Your glory fall,
Lord let Your glory fall.
stir it up in our hearts Lord,
stir it up in their hearts Lord,
stir it up in my heart Lord,
a passion for Your name.
rain on me.

hillsongs - consuming fire

to be a kid again

today for the community outreach program we got to do the children's charette at church street public school. quite an experience. it brings me back to my childhood....was i like that when i was small? is the question i would always come to. one of the groups fought over the name of their team and one girl cried over having the word 'the' out of the team name from 'the white tigers' eventually becoming 'white tiger' eventually becoming 'fast white tigers' which everybody was happy with. i witnessed the segregation, and the leaving out of people, and the nasty things kids do to one another. quite sad, but i guess these things make us stronger people.

yesterday had lunch with my pastor downtown, it's good to get away sometimes all of a sudden from school work. it puts things into perspective. and he help me put some things into perspective.

teaching kids also helps put life into perspective...you forget everything except working with the kids.

finding you

so here i am all by myself
thinking of you
nobody else
there's a feeling inside
and as hard as i try
it just won't go away.

miss you more each day...........

will i ever find that you to miss.
will i ever miss someone more each day.
i hope i will.