among the noise

times have been frustrating
as i persists and push against it
nothing seems to happen

i have always thought
i had an ability to understand people
no matter how blunt and rash
they may be
i have had a way of dealing with it
and eventually this behaviour ceases

have you ever been persistantly treated poorly
in an undeserving manner
in which people around you
cannot understand either?

i really want to sympathize with this person
yet her antagoning actions and words
and abusive illusionary power
fluster me beyond belief

it is difficult to move above and beyond it
when this is not an incident in the past
but many, persistant and fresh daily

this person
a coworker

____________________________________________


发觉这世界永远太少空间
因此花一天支配一切时间
发觉这世界永远太晒心机
因此花一天思索一切道理

消失太快 捉得到太少
因此花一天感觉一切是爱茫茫人海
或有几多漂泊与淹盖
人人寻找爱
或有几多争斗与比赛
越觉得剩低几多未变的爱

慢慢地合作新诗
静静地同床午睡
再发现岁月换来几次厌闷几多亲爱
有各样劫灾
和充满意外
因此我要努力继续能恋爱

慢慢地迈向听朝
静静地怀念昨日
再决定今天只要相信爱
叫皱纹散开 唤青春归来
因此我喜欢花一天感觉一切是爱

____________________________________________


as a couple of doors close
another two appear

one door closes with a trusted friend and mentor
i feel deceived
taken advantage
when i entrusted her a project

lessons learned early
with fewer implications
than to learn the lesson
further down the road

one door opened
back to school it led
with me on the opposite side
to what i am used to
taking the chair of guest critic

____________________________________________


it's been a while
to have the chance to sing
an english song at church
as being to cantonese service
with a purpose has now resolved itself
generously from above

with work again tomorrow
in light of economic downturns
i haven't much minded the effects of shortened hours
rather have taken it as an opportunity
to take it easy
and take on other tasks
sleeping more

____________________________________________

among the noise
i have let it go
i can't stop
and catch my breath
and look no futher
for happiness
i will not turn again

humility

i was asked at work 'am i mean?'
when you can ask that question
you probably are...

this morning someone at church
quickly got upset in the parking lot
for not following the rules of the one way traffic

after receiving a stern comment
with no love and forgiveness
without needing to explain myself
i replied with something positive
and i hope he had a moment of realization

i'm glad i read what i did last night below
_________________________________________

thank you for wanting...
how quickly i forget
what's important...

_________________________________________

he said that in our weakness
we are made stronger.
he said that in the kingdom of god
the first will be the last
and the last will be first.
he said that if someone asks you
to walk a mile with him
walk with him two.
he said to love your neighbour as yourself
but more importantly
love your enemies.
he said the humble will be exalted.
jesus said.

it's the opposite of what our culture is teaching
am i pursing what culture wants me to be
or the lifestyle of humility opposed
to the road more traveled

we crave being right
it's the best feeling in the world
we have to be first
we have to win
we lie to be right
we end relationships to be right
we go to war to be right

we spend most of our time trying to mold
others into what we want
we need to appreciate the differences
each person can bring

look no further

I might have been a singer
who sailed around the world

a gambler who wins millions
and spent it all on girls

i might have been a poet
who walked upon the moon

a scientist who would tell the world
i discovered something new

i might have loved a king
been the one to enter war

a criminal who drinks champagne
and never could be caught

but among your books
among your clothes
among the noise and fuss
i've let it go

i can't stop and catch my breath
and look no further
for happiness
and I will not turn again
cause my heart
has found it's home

everyone i'll never meet
and the friends I won't now make
the adventures that they could have been
and the risks i'll never take

but among your books
among your clothes
among your noise and fuss
i've let it go

i can't stop
and catch my breath
and look no further
for happiness
and i will not turn again
cause my heart
has found it's home

look no further - dido

a great privilege

____________________________________

'i think one of the greatest privileges
a person can have
is the opportunity
to work hard at
something that is meaningful to them'

'i have been fortunate and blessed
to be able to
pursue the various lines of work
that are meaningful to me
and to be a part of a family
that i love'

also from
'and you know you should be glad'

i should be glad

one of my hero architects
______________________________________________


another one lost and dropped
because of the work schedule that makes
us lose motivation for things
we really enjoy doing.

______________________________________________

glad you're reading
glad i'm still posting...

______________________________________________

'we all, if we're lucky, have someone
in our lives like Jack - our first friends,
our oldest friends.'

'if we're especially fortunate,
they remain close to us no matter
where the world leads us.'

'we don't have to live in the same cities;
we don't have to see each other on a daily basis.
friendships - especially the oldest friendships -
don't require that.'

'no one knows us better.
no one in our adult lives saw us
the way we first were,
before the inevitable defenses
against a thorny world went up,
before the layers of protective walls
around us were constructed.'

'we didn't invite the arrival of those defenses;
we didn't willingly participate
in the building of those walls.
they come, eventually, with life -
included in the package.'

'we all have someone
who was there before all of that.
if we're lucky, the someone
is with us for a very long time.

excerpted from the book
'and you know you should be glad'

i've long awaited for a book
to bring me back to reading again.
this one is doing the trick.

gone by

days gone by in japan








days gone by in hong kong
__________________________________________________

a summary of days gone by

it's sad to think
that i don't have time for this sort of thing anymore.
writing...
because reading a couple posts back
a couple months and years ago makes me think back
and reignites thoughts

this past week i felt so restless
i became impatient with people i shouldn't have.

i think back to things i said and how i reacted
and sometimes i want to take them back.

for now i'll blame it on the change in weather
and the days getting shorter.

change...
things have changed...
now that i semi live on my own
the family dynamics have changed.

i feel i'm unable to spend enough time with my parents
i enjoy the freedom
and definitely the reduced commute time to less than half
it was before

i sleep more
and i get more done.

my job has been great
coworkers good
bosses good
the creative atmosphere in the office is great
music is played loud for the whole office to hear
and we're all relatively young and very fun
a completely open office
and i got the corner seat with two windows
what more could i ask for
i'm glad i sit beside someone who enjoys talking
and isn't so restrained
because it surely makes the work days go by much faster

sadly our building got bought out and our boss
had to buy another building which is much smaller
and farther away from the city centre.

all the talk right now is about the economy...
even architects are talking economy.
it's so strange.
we'll be in the food court during lunch
with a couple of my coworkers discussing the stock markets
completely clueless of what is going on...

_________________________________________________


i'm not sure if this is good or bad news

the mansion is lost.
the architect has decided to quit.
i'm in an awkward position.

i felt the first loss of a real project.
so much work put in never to see it ever being realized
in real life...
it'll only live on paper.

the architect says she's used to it
that it happens all the time.

paper architecture sucks.
i want to see it built.
i want to learn from it.

_________________________________________________

new job
new place to live
why don't i feel satisfied?
why do i feel miserable and defeated every now and then?

i have the answers
but it's not in my ability to resolve them...

keep praying...

mr wurful

something i really enjoyed watching today:

http://vimeo.com/1710866?pg=embed&sec=1710866

walking away

standing on top of the edge
it feels like it's going down
everything stays in my mind
feeling in a daze on the ground

feels like it's gonna give
life's to hard to live anymore
i think i've had enough things too tough
i'm out the door

all in all it's just another day now
you're falling down
what you gonna do
standing on top of the world tonight
no one's looking back at you

things don't stop
and others announced they're moving on
salt and tears in the minds
in the mouths of a bad decision

too late for another mistake
it's bringing me down
with all your faults
it isn't your fault
what's going on

it'll be a while till you see me
one breaks down and the other ones fade
these eyes can see the days break
too late for the other's mistakes

sit down laugh thinking what have we done
is it all over before it's begun
please give me some time

i can see it your eyes you're hurting
but pain is part of learning who you are
all these truths can sometimes be deceiving
when your whole world comes crashing to the ground

carry on you say
bring the best of today
all i see is struggling on the way

i would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like it was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

what happens when everything is lying on the ground
do you pick up the pieces all around

and if the world should fall apart hold on to what you know
take your chances turn around and go

start to breathe and fake a smile
it's all the same after a while
i know that you are tired
a picture frame with all the thoughts
i know you hold inside

i hope that you can find your way back
to the place where you belong

maybe when the sun crashes through the gray
i can find the strength to make it through the day

no time to cry

when the one thing you’re looking for
is nowhere to be found
and you back stepping all of your moves
trying to figure it out

you wanna reach out
you wanna give in
your head’s wrapped around
what’s around the next bend
you wish you could find something warm
cause you’re shivering cold

it’s the first thing you see as you open your eyes
the last thing you say as your saying goodbye
something inside you is crying and driving you on
it’s the first thing you see as you open your eyes
the last thing you say as your saying goodbye
something inside you is crying and driving you on

cause if you hadn't found me
i would have found you

so long you’ve been running in circles
around what’s at stake
but now the times come for your feet
to stand still in one place


jonathan rhys meyers - something inside
___________________________________________________


the last night in halifax
and work has taken away time with friends

___________________________________________________


as days go by
and fade to nights
i still question
why you left
i wonder how
it didn’t work out
but now you’re gone
and memories all i have for now
but no it’s not over
we’ll get older we’ll get over
we’ll live to see the day that i hope for
come back to me

i still believe that
we’ll get it right again
we’ll come back to life again
we won’t say another goodbye again
you’ll live forever with me
someday
we’ll be together
someday

i heard someday
might be today
mysteries of destinies they
are somehow
and are someway
for all we know
they come tomorrow
for today
my eyes are open
my arms are raised for your embrace
my hands are here to mend what is broken
to feel again to walk on the face

i believe there is more to life
we’ll be together
someday

john legend - someday

time slips

another month after the last post already
as time slips away.
i think about writing and then forget what it was.

from what i remember in a month...

back at the folks has it's ups and downs.

not having a full time job has been interesting
because i'm on my own schedule
and in some respects i need to have enough discipline
to get the job done.

the home office is nice...
the hours couldn't be better.

i wake up around 10 and procrastinate probably
till 12...by checking email eating breakfast...
and then get into it...and by the time it's 12...
lunch soon follows...

then i pay for it at night when i'm still working
until midnight which is a schedule i'm used to.

even with school and the demanding job...
life has been filled with daily task where the hours vanish
it definitely beats having too much time sitting idle.

i can see myself as a person who takes work home.
workaholic condition developing...haha
maybe not developing...probably inborn.

the convocation cermony happens in three days.
and i feel slightly odd...
is it an accomplishment worth celebrating?
i feel this school is mixed too much with politics
and not enough energy is spent into it's students and
growth in the program.

sometimes it's about who you know and how well you know them.
is this what school is supposed to teach us before we
enter the realm of work?
perhaps.

it also teaches us that in many ways
that you will not always be treated fairly as many
factors other than purely academic.
the system is flawed.
the system is reality.

well then...haha...
after some terrible comments about the school.
let's see

it's the most important week for my roomate
who has his graduation, birthday, and wedding all in one week
don't know how he is so calm and relaxed about it.
i admire his composure and his ability not to plan?
haha

last episode of friends

it feels like the last episode of friends
my roomate said on the night before the flight
and then there was silence

parting is always such sweet sorrow
a short two years
seems like
a fly by
a pit stop
like waiting at an airport
for the next connecting flight
which goes back home.

now that i'm home
i have been making good use of my time
by meeting various people
and going to various places

it seems like a time of mending bridges
that have been left unsupported

i've been doing thing that only one with
free time would and could do.

cleaning out the garage...
washing the car outside...
raking the leaves...
organizing all the clothes...since unpacking halifax
playing wii...
watching tv...
and helping a friend build a model for his final project
all time well spent!

disussed the job aspect for the summer as well
with the architect i'm working with...
i have work to do and i'm glad i won't
be in the office 9-5 yet this summer.

probably start that in the fall
and perhaps start studying for those
licensing exams...

but for now...
take
it
easy

closing time

for some reason this song came to my head at 2am.
closing time by semisonic.

closing time
open all the doors and let you out into the world
closing time
turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl
closing time
one last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer
closing time

you don't have to go home but you can't stay here

so i can't stay here...

it's time to go home eh...
life planning 101 begins again.
and the struggle will begin to occupy my time...
or as proven many times before...
there will be no struggle at all.

so gather up your jackets
move it to the exits
i hope you have found a friend
closing time
every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

it's time go get back to where i came from.
it seems odd this time to go back.
home now seems somewhat like a foreign place...

i've enjoyed my time here
and the abrupt stop
will bring a time for change.

every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

thinking of the things i'll lose...
i've gained more than i would have thought.
i've gained a brother and sister.

when one leaves, one comes back.
god provides.
trust those two words.
because he has never failed.

in the time here...
a mere two years...
it's been eventful...

here's to an accomplishment
that was challenging and fulfilling.

we gather and we depart
we gather and we depart
one significant part of everyday life.
with different time scales at play.

it's time to enjoy the time that's left.

taking minutes

all at once
the world can overwhelm me
there almost nothing you could tell me
that could ease my mind

which way will you run
when it's always all around you
and the feeling lost and found you again
the feeling that we have no control

...

keep asking ourselves are we really
strong enough
there's so many things that we got
too proud of

i wanna take the preconceived
out from underneath your feet
we could shake it off

instead we'll plant some seeds
we'll watch them as they grow
and with each new beat
from your heart the roots grow deeper
the branches will they reach for what
nobody really knows

theres a world we've never seen
theres still hope between the dreams
the weight of it all
could blow away with a breeze
if your waiting on the wind

don't forget to breathe
because as the darkness gets deeper
we'll be sinking as we reach for love
at least something we could hold
but i'll reach to you from where time just can't go

parts from
jack johnson - all at once

__________________________________________________

it's been a week with stories to tell
with moments and memories created

an overwhelming week so far
that will continue into the next

the long awaited client meeting
for the house project finally happened

it's been a bit hectic trying to prepare the work
staying up till 3-5am daily
juggling thesis and work...
and everything above and in between.

it's fun stuff.

today has been a stimulating day.
constantly on my toes
thinking of direction
timing
words
signals
and how to create a good impression.

we did a good job.
and then goes...

'keep asking ourselves are we really
strong enough
there's so many things that we got
too proud of'

i have much to learn...so much
i felt like a sales person today
pitching ideas left and right
and providing feedback and advice to suggestions

i'm happy today.
today i felt and lived as a practicing architect.
i have a great mentor.
i'm watching her dreams
unfold in front of me just as mine are.

just wanted to get that down.

努力 風箏

愛是無辜的風箏　拉著最在乎的人
情已逝　我還在　註定一個人流浪
愛是斷線的風箏　掙脫一開始的夢
黑暗中一步步的墜落紅塵　無法挽救的溫存
我是殘破的風箏　寧願在遙遠的天空
看你轉過身決定去實現你和他的承諾

__________________________________________


我也說過　對我　不要有太多的期望
可是　也不要低估我　我會繼續加油
繼續努力　繼續往前走
我不能夠說　我經過了很多
也不能夠說　以後的路會是怎樣

我要謝謝你

ever a good time?

things happen everyday with the consideration of time
today there have been so many...

is it ever a good time to get sick?
i thought about it and it's no...
in sickness you can't do much but rest
and get better in time.

travel plans...
planning future travel plans is really tough
right now because i don't know what i'll
be doing in the summer

how long can i go
when should i leave
when should i come back

talked about current time with when is the time
to study and do work
how do we allocate our time in one day
is there an appropriate balance

i'm very thankful this term
that i don't have a heavy workload
and i can sleep in for many days
definitely has helped in getting healthy

___________________________________________________

right now i think i'm quite fortunate...
for things that haven't happened
for things that i don't have to concern myself with...
i mean...
so many things and events can take place
that if they were to happen
i wouldn't really know what to do...
i'm just glad right now
in this moment...
i sort of know what i'm doing
and i can handle the situations that i'm dealing with

bigger and more terrifying events lie ahead...
inevitable...
and i know for sure...
that i will be off guard for many of them.

unresolved

got this bad feeling of restlessness this moment
it's been building up

the feeling of unsatisfaction has gripped me whole
the loss of direction in most ways

i know i need to work
and work hard
just a month ago i couldn't care less
about how thesis turns out
as long as i passed

and now...
i have this feeling that i need to do it well
a surmounting pressure on myself
that this is my last chance

what happened.
why do i care

when i do something
anything
that i got to put my mind and heart to it
and do it well

i noticed that i don't usually participate
in things i'm not good at

__________________________________________________


i think of doing things
that many times i don't do.

i wish sometimes i can help
that i have some comforting words to offer.

i'm a coward though.
i avoid when i know i should confront
i am silent when i know i should talk

__________________________________________________

how will i be as an architect?
how many more years will it take?
3? 4?
the road is so long
and by the end of it...
i hope i would not have gone down the wrong path
take the easy way

there's no easy way of becoming an architect
but after
the choice is mine to make
on what kind of architect i become

even to think that i will become one someday
is distant and odd...
how draining...

__________________________________________________

speaking of draining...
this cold i've caught is draining...

no motivation to do work
procrastinating my way through the days...

GET TO WORK!

it's gonna be one of those years of accomplishments
i can feel it...
just when i resolved to do otherwise...
augh.

always on your side

my yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
but every now and then you come to mind
cause you were always waiting
to be picked to play the game
but when your name was called
you found a place to hide
when you knew that i was always on your side

well everything was easy then
so sweet and innocent
but my demons and your angels reappeared
leaving all the traces of the man you thought i'd be
leaving you with no place left to go from here
leaving you so many questions all these years

but is there someplace far away
someplace where all is clear
easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
this isn't how it's really meant to be

well they say that love is in the air
but never is it clear
how to pull it close and make it stay
butterflies are free to fly
why do they fly away
and i'm left to carry on and wonder why
even through it all
i'm always on your side

this is school work
the experience of hotels
rethinking it and trying to reinterpret
what this user group really needs

nomadic workers
always on the go

what i've observed is that
new york is known to be a place
where one can practially get anything at anytime
but
that's only if you know where to go
and who to find

not everybody knows new york
and especially those who travel there
for business or for a short couple of days
neither do they usually have the time
to find out more about the city before they go

what i found interesting is that
my critical comment during my thesis is that
there are already so many hotels
in manhattan
why add another one

maybe my answer can be simple
although this thesis will be a book long
it's because this is not your chain or boutique
there's a need
for the reinterpretation of the verticality
in midtown manhattan

the selection of a site is by fluke
however it proves to be interesting
being completely surrounded by hotels
it may be the densest block of hotels in the world
beside behind in front
all sandwiched by hotels
is the site that i have selected

this is interesting
it made me realize that there is definitely a need
for a different hotel
i went in and up most of them
because i can
we can all go in and up a hotel if we wanted
if the entrance and reception isn't too intimidating
as i've discovered myself
some are welcoming

however
there is no need for me or you to go inside a hotel
unless we're meeting someone in some room
or to go to a restaurant or function inside
the public doesn't wanter up the hotel
without a specific destination or plan

tall vertical hotels are like skyscrapers
and residential towers
however only hotels can be easily accessed
without having to swipe a key card...
questioned by security and turned away

but there is little reason for me and you to go in
there is nothing to do there

nothing at the top of the 40th storey
where the view is great
repetitive corridors and floor plates
from 2-40th floor
none of these corridors are plesant at all
one feeble attempted to make it more pleasant
today i saw that in a hotel corridor
there were vending machines covered with tall
wooden doors with stainless steel handles
a table and chairs were set up in front of them
to be used by guests
nice try.
nothing else i've seen
has given though to this stale and bland corridor
there is no reason for guests who live in the hotel
to go to a different floor
unless it is to eat or go to the bar or swimming pool
which is typically all on the same floor

as a traveler
or...i imagined myself being this nomadic worker
who visits an unknown city
how would i feel
there's definitely anxiety and intimidation
being overwhelmed is another
and lost

where do i go to find specific items?
how do i get to where i need to
easily enough one could ask
wouldn't it be easier if one didn't have to ask?

what if within the hotel envelope
one had what one needed
wouldn't that more convenient

i've read that many business travelers
don't enjoy what they do
like most people in the world

they don't like to be away from home 300
days of the year
but it's their job
and somebody's got to do it

they say they feel lonely
they say they work is their life
they say they don't know where they are when they wake up
they say they don't have a social life

trapped in the hotel

is it possible to bridge
the locals with these travelers
to bring social activity into their lives?

is it possible to let them encounter
others in their daily routine doing everyday things
within the hotel?

i think so

why not bring public functions into the hotel
with the most public being at the top

reason to go in
reason to go up
reason for the nomadic workers to leave their
room when they have the time

this provides chance for interation
chance for meeting
chance meetings

more later...

agony

just as i felt the term ending

THESIS DRAFT REPORT DUE!!!

the agony!
i'm sitting here
pulling my hair out
trying to summerize
what i've been doing
for three months...

all these floating thoughts
now need to be caught and thrown
through a printer

all need to be neatly formated
into a strict thesis document...

augh...

in two months

been two months eh

it's been so long...
so long.

not that i forgot that i need to write
it's that life was getting bleak
with little improvement
and increased chaos

close once again to the finish line
of yet another term

this one seemingly longer than most
probably because through most of it
i haven't been well.

you pray for patience
you will be given an opportunity
to gain more patience

you pray for courage
you will be given an opportunity
to test that courage

i am thankful for those who have
been so thoughtful
who have lightened up dark days
where i couldn't focus and think clearly

i walked down streets
thinking
will i ever get better from this
it was bad.

i've seen many doctors
i couldn't get a clear answer
a clear diagnosis
i would get a small part from one
then some other information from another

it was like putting a puzzle together
i was trying too hard to fit pieces together
and further worsened my own cause.

stressed at being stressed.
worry that had no end.
chainlinked snowballing thoughts.

now led to brighter days
where i have the opportunity to
understand how awful it can be
with long lasting symptoms that severely affect
one to live day to day life.

i've been given the opportunity
to face the challenges of the real world
with real world experiences.
not the most pleasant of all
with many logistical issues.

i've been given the opportunity
to escape the world of reality
through a theoretical design thesis
where anything can go
though still...must back it up
with reason and justification

i thought i couldn't surpass last year
and the year before.
things that happen seem more significant
year after year.
is it because they actually are?
or is it just with age?

thesis is tireless
leaving me feeling thoroughly insufficient
with my inability to argue
my lack of knowledge
my lack of creativity
all brought out in front of
a keen audience
who know more
have seen more

it's funny when i just read
'five years in a design program,
at a sufficiently respectable design school
will bleed most of the colour
out of this person's palette
and leave them crushed and vulnerable
enough to fully engage the profession.'

it's just that.

a discussion and lecture on ethics in architecture.
i mean
how many of us
fortunate enough
really get to practice what we preach
in the real world.
first thing out of school
we're taken by the strong hold of economics.
our theory and values so quickly forgotten

that hit home.
the questions always come.
what will you do after you graduate?
where will you be?
who will you work for?

i can only say
i need a break
i'm taking time off.
but the industry is booming
there is plenty of work
i want to get my 9 licencing exams
out of the way
and i do want to complete the rest of my
unfinished 5000 internship hours.
i also want to live.
i can't stand still.

i need to be friends
with the ones i still have.
friendships seem to hang by threads
easily cut
easily gone
with some there is more holding it together
than mere threads.
it's obvious that
you miss something more when it's not there.
when it's there,
there's nothing to miss.

i'm no longer as afraid of deadlines
as i was before
i use less time to do my work
i try to sleep more instead
i've learned

i'm very thankful for support
near and far.