Wednesday, November 29, 2006

figures


who decides that these figurines actually get made?
haha...
a lot of time goes into designing
manufacturing
packaging...
couldn't they think of something better?

the soccer player on the left is called chocolo
the only one with a differnet ethinicity
in the whole group of collectible soccer players
from the snack...and we got it!
as for the one on the right
we decided would be chocolo's admirer
we deem these two figures as trophies

but that's to the loser of blokus...
loser trophies...haha...


Sunday, November 26, 2006

copenhagen






this is where i may be working
in less than a year

_________________________________________________

the 'who knows what will happen'
phrase has appeared in many instances lately

it's unreal that there are only two weeks left
i seem to think i have a plan in my head
of how things will work out
seems alright for now
i can still hold down the fort

better now from all the sick
definitely did get plenty of rest
after all
that's what getting sick is about

_________________________________________________

the topic on my mind is this
growing up

places i've been
things i've done
i've had my family
i've had great friends
i've always had somebody to rely on

in the family
being the youngest
definitely has the notion of being protected
i've always been protected

haha...
today i got
'he's really growing up...awww...'
haha...
hai...

growing up.
it's like
a tug-of-war
one side pulling
the other pulling back

i want to know that i can handle
yet i need to know
that if i fall
i'll be caught
part of me needs to prove it

because i know
what i'm capable of
my thoughts have been here
for more than two years

words strung together
in my mind they make sense.

_________________________________________________


in two weeks
i'll be leaving halifax

who would reject
the best of both worlds

for me
it's been jumping back and forth
between two worlds

get used to one
go back to the next

i've grown accustom
to a life here in halifax
i've been really fortunate
it's been a smooth ride
thanks to many
and thanks to the one above
always looking out for me

you know...
i will go home
knowing i will wonder
what goes on here

i've thoroughly enjoyed
three terms of school
only that the end of the third
which is now
seems to drag on forever

_________________________________________________

for my upcoming work terms

i first asked to get into one firm
i got in
i felt i was selling myself short
knowing possibly i could be trapped
doing work i know is mundane
and that i've complained about many times before
other aspects would make me want to be in toronto
very comfortable

i then asked for something more interesting
avant garde
i got in
no pay

do i want to work for picasso
for free
do i want to work for my neighbourhood painter
for money
haha...maybe neighbourhood painter is a bit harsh
but this is a neighbourhood painter
going international
the paintings are not as special
but this painter is prolific



Tuesday, November 21, 2006

contagious

trying to find a song
that will sing out my thoughts
maybe that's why people
start writing lyrics.

when i found a couple lines
that matched
i had to switch out of it.

heavyness is contagious
one after the next.

then i hit this song...

i lived a lot of life
i caught a dream or two
it's been a sweet ride

but i've faced my share of nights
searched like we all do
looking inside

now i'm standing here
because you've made it clear

this heart inside me beats because
you love enough to take my cross
i'm alive
you gave your life to shatter death
so even after my last breath
i'm alive

...next song

i tried to figure it out
time and time again
and time again

i guess there's just some things i'll never understand
because your ways are not our ways
but deep down in my soul
there is one thing that i know

i'm in over my head
right where i want to be
i'm lost within your love
the love that always covers me
so high
so deep
so wide
a strong and cleansing tide
my soul has found a place to rest

i've been holding on
now i'm letting go
just letting go
going to let your love carry me away
i don't know where i'm going
but i'm surrounded by the truth
and i can feel the current pulling me
deeper into you

you see me for who i am
you did reach out your hand
you made me understand

i'm in over my head
right where i want to be
i'm lost within your love

Saturday, November 18, 2006

talk

when you think you hit rock bottom
look again...

there's no hot water
no heat
thankfully it isn't too cold

i can't even fathom my school work
or put my mind to it...
before i got sick i was
already i'm pressing myself

coughing till 4am last night
not sleeping
walking around
thinking of any remedy that i could possibly try...
nothing worked...

i searched to listen to my mp3 player...
to put me to sleep...
it had gone missing...
as i've tried to look again...
nowhere to be found

going through the stages of being sick
one symptom at a time...

i can't talk
i felt so feeble...
not being able speak on the phone

when i thought i was getting better
i found out i was headed the other way...
and no...
i don't know how to take care of myself...

and as i know it will only take time
before i will get better

getting sick
has allowed me to know

that many people care
given many words of comfort
thanks...


and when i was hoping for words
of comfort...
a simple...
...
...

one does not
one says i brought it upon myself
one doesn't let me explain

yes...
i make the wrong judgement calls
i know what i've done wrong
i already know...
you rub it in...
you remind me...

for now...
i don't want to talk...
i don't know where to look...
my words just break and melt...



Tuesday, November 14, 2006

fever

sick

seemed that i was waking every 10 min
when sleeing last night

hot and cold
hot and cold

can't remember the last time i got sick
don' think i have this year

haha...
funny how two people
say that it was because i stare at my computer
too much that i get sick...

what i've done today is watch heroes
and slept...

now that i am well behind in my work...
don't want to push myself...
do what i can...

maybe sleep some more...
aching all over.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

car chasin

we'll do it all
everything
on our own

we don't need
anything
or anyone

if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me and forget the world?

i don't quite know
how to say
how i feel

those three words
are said too much
they're not enough

forget what we're told
before we get too old
show me a garden that's bursting into life

lets waste time
chasing cars
around our heads

i need your grace
to remind me
to find my own

all that i am
all that ever was
is here in your perfect eyes
they're all i can see

i don't know where
confused about how as well
just know that these things
will never change for us at all

would you lie with me and forget the world?

chasing cars - snow patrol



Friday, November 10, 2006

thoroughly aggitated...


Thursday, November 09, 2006

the unexpected

condensed words more impact?
sure...for now

until i can garner up time
to barf out what i have to write.

at this moment
i feel immense pressure
from many sides of life
remembering the juggling analogy
i read before

in my mind
one too many glass pieces in air

first couple of white hairs on my head
reasons can be applied.

mind so compressed.
need to release air valve.

hoping it would get better tonight
yet expectations lead
to dangerous outcomes
of unfufillment

____________________________________________

comes once in a while
good intentions
retured in thrashings

all work put into the publication
gets retured in
i'm not happy you didn't ask my approval
glad roomate is completely on my side
somebody on my side
we fired emails back
and this is extremely damaging on ourselves
and on our own concious
trampled too much already
trampled by one who has been MIA
for 4 months even worse
now with his fingers pointing at us
not getting his approval

when we reply
had to make clear
put all the effort
returned nothing but slack

gave some slack back
maybe not slack
but entire clarification
and an understanding of who shouldn't
be pointing a finger

i wonder the response.
he definitely would have expected that

not in me to be the
one ticked

the unexpected leads to...
where it has led me now

____________________________________________

great theatre ideas
keep pushing and pursuing



Monday, November 06, 2006

protest

tedious
annoying
getting no where
wasted time
frustration...

anti-schoolwork protest and demonostrations
have been taking place in my room today


Tuesday, October 31, 2006

scramble

feeling mighty pressured and stressed right now...
with one more month of school left
i have still yet to shift into a higher gear
don't know what's gotten into me this term
there's been too much work and rework

my brain's a mess
and i don't know which course to handle first...
because they're all scrambled

it's that time again...
to sleep and just forget about it...
it will have to do for now...
until i figure out some better way...


Wednesday, October 25, 2006

wave

maybe if i sleep now the day will be over
and perhaps i can pretend things didn’t happen
i am reminded to spend time praying
and to find true rest in my soul

for
waves that have come crashing
reminded me how insufficient i am
waves that wouldn’t give a second thought
of what is being crushed underneath

all your waves and breakers have swept over me.’ psalm 42:7

they are his waves
whether they break over us
hiding his face in smothering spray and foam
or smooth and sparkling
spread a path before us
and to our haven bear us safely home

they are his waves
whether for our sure comfort
he walks across them
stilling all our fear
or to our cry there comes no aid nor answer
and in the lonely silence none is near

they are his waves
whether we are hard striving
through tempest driven waves that never cease
while deep to deep with turmoil loud is calling
or at his word they hush themselves in peace

they are his waves
whether he separates them
making us walk dry ground where seas had flowed
or lets tumultuous breakers surge about us
rushing unchecked across our only road

they are his waves
and he directs us through them
so he has promised
so his love will do
keeping and leading
guiding and upholding
to his sure harbour
he will bring us through


Tuesday, October 24, 2006

bish



52 d k m

i'm getting used to not doing any school work
it's overated anyways
i feel i care less about school
grades especially...
too much school for one year

this is what i'm listening to
http://somafm.com/
'tag's trance trip'
to get myself on top of things...
it's working

____________________________________________


i have plenty of things to catch up on...
#1 is sleep
i was doing so well
until procrastination caught on again

____________________________________________


remembering the smoked salmon...
lamb chops...
cake...cake...
bish bish...

need to win another...


Thursday, October 19, 2006

mr pig


________________________________________________

coffee influence
lack of sleep
self inflicted
deadline tomorrow

paranoia.

live up to a name that is created


Monday, October 16, 2006

cloud 10


_____________________________________________

who works on cloud 9 anyways...
definitely not me

want to work...
very tired...
yawn instead
deadlines...deadlines
draw lines...draw lines...

feeling great joy
reminds me
how much pain and suffering it took
to achieve it

you want greater joy?
well then...
you must first decide to suffer greater pain

is it worth it?
it most definitely is.
bring it on.

1 cloud ahead.


dkm | 52

CONGRADULATIONS DKM | 52

we made it!

whoooohooooooooooooooooooooooo!


Thursday, October 12, 2006

flash

a week flashes before my eyes
and it's time to quickly...
or very very slowly...
catch up on the work i've left behind

at this moment i'm really enjoying home
with my huge books around me
places to sketch, read, compute
multiple projects spread out
all on the same desk
lots of natural light

knowing that dinner will be cooked for me
it's me and my grandpa home right now
so i can play my music loud
he's upstairs
i'm downstairs
they all will be home soon enough...

it was snowing just a couple minutes ago
now it's sunny
though still freezing outside

off to montreal tomorrow
then to halifax sunday
and then
the fun begins...

catching up on all the school i missed...
arrrrrrrrrr...

haha...
i shouldn't ruin this peaceful moment.


Friday, October 06, 2006

rise again

when i am down
and all my soul so weary
when troubles come
and my heart burden be
then i am still and wait here in the silience
until you come
and sit a while with me

you raise me up
so i can stand on mountains
you raise me up
to walk on stormy seas

i am strong
when i am on your shoulders
you raise me up
to more than i can be


Thursday, October 05, 2006

never whole


think.

breathe.
cry.

why do you not want me to be who i am.

cry.
breathe.
think.

change me to be a better person.

think.
breathe.
cry.

i can't pick up the shattered pieces.

cry.
breathe.
think.

i only have one pair of hands.

think.
breathe.
cry.

i never was whole to begin with.

why did i get my answer so soon.
a fire has been lit.
in this i shall burn.
i shall continue to be hurt.

i won't be afraid.

__________________________________________________

o...
the scrapbook you made for me.
today i have made great use of it.

with that first picture being the one in the post
when i am feeling
stressed
sad
lonely
discouraged
home sick
overwhelmed

it has reminded me to keep these in mind...

how far i am willing to walk

when it gets really windy...to hang on tight
the storm will soon pass

too keep dancing
to keep fighting
there's always another way
think outside the box
to eat
to drink
and be merry
someone's load could be bigger than mine
that i have been through a lot worse

that i shouldn't give in to stereotypes
to remember my dreams

to keep on climbing..
don't give up
get lots of rest
don't be afraid to ask for a helping hand
to take a walk on the beach as the sun is setting

home is not that far away

each step you take forwards
brings you closer to the end

to pray

how happy i've made people

happieness is not that far behind

remember all those who support you
and this is the moment where
i could no longer see my screen

remember my accomplishments
remember
there are lessons to be learned
in every challenge
in every experience
never stop learning

remember how happy you were in the end
it will all be worth it one day

thanks o...
i will always keep this gift with me.
it has made me remember...
a much appreciated thanks.


shine more

today is a major day of procrastination
took a nap...
and yes...
it's not like me to take naps...
nor is it like me to skip class for a week...

i'll be leaving again coming saturday
to toronto then to montreal
for a week
which means skipping class

i don't know where i'm finding my inspiration anymore
definitely isn't coming from school...
unmotivated...uninspired...

i have an interview tomorrow in toronto.
i'm unsure where i can go coming january
for my work terms

i'm in a term of self improvement

come on...bring something of a higher level to the table.

'it was good for me to be afflicted' psalm 119:71

it is a remarkable occurance of nature
that the most brilliant colours of plants
are found on the highest mountains
in places that are most exposed to the fiercest weather

the brightest lichens and mosses
as well as the most beautiful wildflowers
abound high upon the windswept storm ravaged peaks

already knowing where these passages are taking me...
i wondered where do i need more qualifying...
in what aspect do i still need to burn
how can i become brighter
i don't know what fires are up ahead
i only hope that i can remember
that after the fire
i will only shine more.

stay true to yourself.
and follow where your heart leads.


Friday, September 29, 2006

further down

if today could be any crappier.

being waken up at 6am is not a great thing
to discover that i've missed something very important
before i went to sleep

and then waken up again by the constant noise
of construction in the apartment.

futher...
it seemed like everyone was doing things slower
to piss me off

without much motivation for my third term of school this year
i've fallen into a trap of not doing anything
probably because the courses are not inspiring

futher...
it's gloomy...windy...and rainy outside...
with small flakes of white stuff floating in the air...
no...it's not snow...
it's probably something toxic...
ah...but what can i do

what i can do is sit here and continue
moping around at how miserable my day is...
it hasn't ended yet

i always do this when these days come around...
i eat mcd's
arr...makes me feel better for those 20 minutes
then back to reality...without those french fries...

is that all i had going today?
french fries?
sadly...yea....

i found it very hard to crack a smile and joke...
riding on a rollercoaster that goes up and down
when's the next up...
because this down is taken me far below

time to get lost in my work and loud music.